Navita

Ode to Navita oh please eat my rivita
My aura of mystery is lovely- it’s got a RIBBON on it!!
It’s not just beautiful it’s more than that. It’s WIN!
But now
Our lines
Are just
The same
Length-ish.
I hope you now comprehend
The message we are trying to send.
On cheese, ham and pickle.

Ode to Navita oh please eat my rivita ? What is a rivita?
My aura of mystery is lovely- it’s got a RIBBON on it!! This line makes no sense to me.
It’s not just beautiful it’s more than that. It’s WIN! And neither does this one.
But now
Our lines
Are just
The same
Length-ish. Is there any real need for the "ish" part?
I hope you now comprehend
The message we are trying to send.
On cheese, ham and pickle. Umm... wth? Pardon my French, but I don't get it...
__________

Rhyming: There is no rhyme scheme in this poem, so for now, I'll skip this section.
Rhythm: Is there a rhythm? Or is it just a freestyle write?
Grammar: There are some unnecessary things like that "ish" part, but otherwise I think that the grammars good.
Spelling: I really can't say much about this because there are words in here that I don't know - like rivita, and navita. Anyway, other than those words, it's all good.
Overall: I hate to say this, but I honestly don't understand anything in this poem. It'd be great if you could explain it... but none of it makes sense to me at the moment. And is this supposed to be a serious or humorous poem? I dunno, I'm not sure what to think about it at the moment, so I refrain judgment on it just yet.

See ya!

Well, I'm going to agree with Graffiti and say that I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. I can obviously see that it's humorous, but it seems to rely heavily on just randomness alone. There's no real "plot," so to speak, and you tend to go haywire at parts. If you really are satisfied with how this turned out, then why not give us an explanation, so that we can see what you were trying to say? It would help a million.

-Knightley

This. Is. The. Most. Awesome. Poem. Ever.

The main comment I have is that I object to the whole ham part. Less ham, more pickle. Also, I love your rhyme with Navita... rivita? What creativity! Plus, the fact that it alludes to the riveting nature of Nativa? Truly breathtaking, that.

A++++++++++++++++++++ to this poem.

Hi,

The first line is genius!

I absolutely love and adore "But now...lengthish". It was so clever!

I'll admit you lost me with the aura of mystery and the ham, cheese and pickle. Usually I'd recommend being more specific/descriptive but I'm not sure that really matters for what you're doing here.

Thanks for a very enjoyable read.

Jas

To everyone above who said they didn't have a clue - I'd say go read this UnknownPoet's 'Ham, Cheese and Pickle' poem. Then rethink your commments.

So...only I understand why this poem was written - and I am still trying to figure out what it means. I am practically swinging from the curtain rails and scrabbling up the walls to crack it open. I tried to take a break from it by having a good piano session, but it turned into bashing Chopin's head against the keys, so there you go.

I'm not even going to bother critique the poem as a poem - it's funny, and that's that - and the whole point is to...well, answer my question to you on what cheese, pickle and ham are doing in a poem about reflections, mirrors etc.

And I can't believe it only caught my eye today.

So...I looked up rivita - Google asked me to spell it as 'ryvita,' actually - and apparently it's some kind of cracker, upon which you're meant to put the cheese, ham and pickle, which, according to you is a 'beast in a feast' (my, don't I have a marvellous memory). Okay, you don't like cheese in a ryvita - so what? I also happened to notice cheese is right in the middle of a ryvita, dead centre - which seems to tie in well with the pointedly short lines right in the middle of this poem.

Okay, so cheese is a metaphor for something the narrator does not enjoy.

What I wanted to know initially is why the narrator might like cheese in their life if it was in a mirror.

Why would anyone put cheese in this world, you beast in a feast / Do not combine ingredients this way / However if I were to mix cheese into my life,/ I would definitely regard it in my small sized, little, lovely, pink ribboned mirror.

To do that, I guess I've got to go back and reread the part about the beautiful ribbon and the mirror and the reflection, the fact it's small AND little - argh. You're a master at mystery, aren't you? It's like just there out of my reach - I can feel the answer there...

Hypothesis time:

Guess 1. The mirror is abstract; it does not give a true picture of the person, only a smaller one. So, the advantage of sticking the cheese (or any unpleasant things) in a mirror would be to take it out of stark and bestial reality, and put it into the abstract realm, and shrink its proportions down at the same time - belittle it.

But then, why would you carry it around your neck? And why is the mirror, a holder of something you don't like, described as beautiful?

Guess 2:...

HANG ON! I just had an idea! The fact that it's 'hanging from [your] neck' kind of implies a noose, right (although in a terribly cute way)? So...it sort of might fit with the first hypothesis that it's to do putting bad experiences in the abstract realm and carrying them with us (like a noose).

But why not get rid of such things entirely?

Okay, back to guess 2: using more of this current poem to figure it out than the old one...I used the phrase 'aura of mystery' in my review with regards to the first line 'I have a very small mirror hanging around my neck'. I used the word 'lovely' and RIBBON when telling you not to repeat your descriptions, and I said the line, 'If I were to mix cheese in my life' was a 'WIN'. When you talk about 'line length' in this poem, you are referring to my comment that the poem looked weird with the lines all splattered over the page - and I said this with regards to the line, 'It has a very small pink ribbon floating on top, I carry it with me all day.'

All of which still makes absolutely no sense.

I'll try harder: The mirror is beautiful, lovely, tiny, with a pink ribbon, something the narrator carries around all day and sees their reflection in. Cheese is horrid, and shouldn't belong in a flipping ryvita. Cheese is only acceptable in the mirror. What the heck???

Here's the big question of life: WHY?

I can't seem to find a reason that allows cheese to belong in the mirror with ALL the qualities a mirror has - small, reflecting, hanging from the neck, pink ribbon, lovely etc. If it does involve putting the cheese in the mirror to belittle it, to make it abstract, to make it shallower in taste (like I said: the lines on 'beautiful face' etc were shallow), then the ideas that don't fit are the fact that you'd walk around with it on your neck - unless this is a noose - but why a pretty noose? Unless you're saying that you can squash it down, make it less real for all you like, but you'll never really get rid of it?

And what has looking at one's face in the mirror got to do with it? This is the same mirror that shows you the face that'll show you the cheese - you call the face beautiful, so will the cheese likewise become beautiful when it's in the mirror? Kind of like...in real life, faces probably aren't that beautiful and pretty, but in shallow, small mirrors they can be, simpy because they're not real there - so likewise the cheese is made beautiful precisely becuase it's in the realm of abstract and we don't have to suffer eating it in a ryvita or whatever anymore?

That's about the extent of my brainpower for the day on this. I still have questions that need answering - and if my hypothesis is correct - or isn't - I NEED TO KNOW. Poems that don't click, that should click, annoy me extremely. So - it's really a matter of sanity here.

By the way, I enjoy good cheese .

So, this is an idea a friend came up with - and I can't believe I didn't notice the symbolism before - if, that is, it is correct.

My aura of mystery is lovely- it’s got a RIBBON on it!!
It’s not just beautiful it’s more than that. It’s WIN!

She reckoned that the ribbon, the little pink ribbon, signifies breast cancer - well, I don't know if it does so globally, but it does where we come from.

What has cheese got to do with breast cancer?

Hiya poet,

I like this poem, reminds of dickinson's.your lines are relatiel short than the conventional and not much rhyming at the end, although i find it quite appealing. this was quite highly symbolical whichi also like, although readers might interpret it differently, it is realative to the context of their experience, i would say i really like this piece.