Okay, so first I really think that this should be moved to fan-fiction short stories, considering that you're writing your own story about characters that have already been established.
Second, I like what you're trying to do about switching perspectives. In the original book, Lucy's regression was in the POV of Dr. Seward, and Holmwood was the one who had had the closest relation with her. However, I'm sorry to say that this story doesn't add anything to what the original book has already said. We get that she's regressing and we get that they're sad. So?
Fanfiction can be tough ground to cover because you want to try to make it as good as the original story, add depth, no? This is so fans of the original will enjoy your story and be able to tread new ground? You want to unlock something that was missing to us in the story.
Your dialouge needs a lot of work as well. I couldn't real feel anything between Arthur and Lucy-they basically just said "I love you" regurgitated in different ways, and it got a little annoying. Maybe you can start this at when they first meet, and write about his attentions to propose to her and how he's all nervous. That'd be something I'd read.
Also, can't you think of a more interesting title? Dracula is already the title the book, and besides, this doesn't really have to do with Dracula, but Lucy, rather. You don't want to confuse people into thinking that this is plagiarism.
Sorry if I sound too harsh, and PM me if you have questions.
-Elinor xo
All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them. -- Walt Disney
