All Around Me

This is for the Flyleaf's fan Group's contest. This is based on the song All Around Me.

“I just…don’t know anymore.” I looked into my mother’s bright blue eyes. I wished I could have just rewound the whole thing and taken those words back. We were Christian, huge Christians, and I just wasn’t sure if there was a God anymore.

“Mom, don’t get me wrong,” I whispered. “I want to believe, I really do. But, its so hard to find something when you haven’t ever seen it.”

“But I’ve never seen Him and-”

I cut my mom off, she always said things like these, and they always made me feel worse. “But you have blessings! You had me even though the doctor said I was dead! You had God bless you, but that’s not enough proof for me mom. I haven’t had any blessings or miracles. I’m sorry…”

“But Chelsea-”

“No!” The harsh yell came from my parted lips. “No,” I said it softly. “I need to know for myself mom, and I don’t know if that will ever happen to me.” My mom didn’t say anymore after that. We sat there in bitter silence for a moment, until I turned my back on her, walking upstairs and into my white walled room.

I had always liked the color white, but now it just seemed to be taunting me. White was what God dressed in, what His angels wore, everything pure and innocent.

I slammed my door closed, my knees collapsing beneath me. I could smell the salty tears before I could feel them. “I want to believe…I need to believe.” The words tumbled from my mouth.

My hands molded together in a clasp, and my head suddenly bowed. Syllables flowed from my lips, but were a blur to my ears. I could suddenly feel a fire, a warm fire, racing through my body. But it wasn’t a fire that smelled of smoke, it smelt of honey, and sweet flowers, and fresh grass…

I could feel a gentle heat, one that was like my baby blanket. It kept me warm and made me feel protected, I could feel it, all around me. I could smell gentle comforting scents. Not like my cheap perfume, but like spring and summer, but even more glorious. It was so thickening, I swore that if I had opened my eyes their would have been fog all around me. I wanted to keep the feeling forever, the beautiful feeling.

Tears roll down my cheeks, but they are wiped away instantly with a gentle, almost finger like force. I felt a cool wind rustle my dark hair and breathed in the scents I had been breathing for the last few moments. “I love you…” the words reached my ears and sent tingles up my spine, and I couldn’t help but see who was there.

My eyes flew open, being welcomed with the sunlight flooding onto my hardwood floor. The golden light spilled across the white canvas walls, and splotches of white remained in sight. The site was beautiful, it was holy, it made me feel alive.

My heart began to flutter with new light, I could see Him. I could see the light, I could feel Him, I could smell Him, I could see Him, all around me.

My hands shakily unintertwined, and my right arm seemed to raise itself, as if attached by an invisible string to the breathtaking painting. “I won’t leave you alone…” the voice whispered again, and I couldn’t help but know…I had found Him. He was all around me.

Okay, Hi Forest!

I thought I'd drop by and give you a review, especially since I feel somewhat bad about not letting you in my storybook.

So, having not heard the song, I went ahead and listened to the video on YouTube. I can definitely see where you got your inspiration from, but my problem is that you seem to interpret this a little too literally. The song is vague enough that it's open up to a more slow and gradual transition that this girl to believing in God.

Besides, why she had her epiphany is kind of far-fetched. If she's prayed before (which I know she has) why hasn't this happen to her before? How much does she disbelief in God? Also, you could give a bit more concrete examples.

If you still can't think anything, the context of the song may imply it's focused on God, but you don't have to make it as such. Maybe the girl is focusing on a dead relative. Songs are open to tons of different interpretations.

I hope this helps, and good luck in the contest! I'll be entering as well.

PM me if you have questions.

-Elinor xo

This is beautiful! When you mentioned flyleaf I immediately went to youtube to look up the song, and this is just a perfect description. I really like flyleaf. I got their cd for my birthday, though honestly I haven't listened to it much. My favorite song though is "again". Heard it? The crazy thing is I was listening to flyleaf (mhmm "again") right before I read this. Coincidence, huh? Anyways, I love this piece of writing!

LOVE --ULTRAVIOLET

I'm going to have to agree with Elinor with this one. Chelsea's sudden contact with God was, although nicely written, not something I could take seriously. Remember: just because it's fiction doesn't mean you don't have to stay believable. I didn't spot any errors and writing style was good, so you won the bigger of the battles. Keep writing!

~TheManintheHat

I love this song!

Anyway, I agree with the others that Chelsea's holy experience was unconvincing. It just kind of jumped out of nowhere.

Also, I understand that you're probably a Christian and don't have much experience in making arguments against Christianity, but Chelsea's doubt was also, well, unconvincing again. The fact that she doesn't have proof is definitely a valid point (though she was brought back to effing life, what more does she want?), but you need more. Maybe she thinks there's too much death in the world, or that the Bible can't be supported by science, or that she can't be a part of a religion that sends nonbelievers to Hell, or condemns gay marriage, or just doesn't line up with her morals in other ways. (Don't flame me, please, because I'm not attacking anyone's beliefs.) I get that this is supposed to affirm God, but that's all it does. It doesn't offer a serious portrait of a girl struggling with serious issues with her faith, and then finds herself again. If her arguments against actually were valid enough to pull her away from her religion, it would be much more powerful when she came back.

I didn't like the thing about her coming back to life. First, like I said before, it's like she already has proof, does she really need more? Just because she doesn't remember it doesn't make it any less of a miracle. In fact, it's almost... ungrateful? Also, I think a mother who doesn't need proof and a daughter who does would make a great contrast, enhancing the story.

Anyway, it was well written. Her contact with God especially. Keep writing!

~Karma