J.D. doesn't have friends.

Couldn't this day get any worse? I didn't feel like myself anymore not since that day I met J.D. Why I couldn't I stop thinking about him. So my friends didn't came today... Today is going to be boring.
"Hey Agnes"J.D. surprise me
"What do you want now?"
"Are you alone or something?"
"Just leave me alone already. I'm not in good mood right now"
I left him alone but he start to follow me up.
"Agnes, I don't wanna be friends,"said J.D. frustrantigly.
"Wait, what?"I ask, confused.
"You heard me" he said and started to walk away.
"Hey, wait, what's up?"
"I just don't want to be friends"
"Are you bipolar or something, why not?"
"Because I failed my last best friend."
I just stood there, frozen in place. He turned from me and walked away. I just stood there frozen in place not really understanding what just happened...

Mistakes and comments are in red and/or in bold.

Naydy wrote:Couldn't this day get any worse? I don't didn'tfeel like myself anymore until not since that day I met J.D. Why I can't couldn't I stop thinking about him.? So my friends didn't came today... Today is going to be boring.This part is confusing....
"Hey Agnes missing either a comma or period here"J.D. surprise me
"What do you want now?"
"Are you alone or something?"
"Just leave me alone already. I'm not in good mood right now"
I left him alone but he start to follow me up.
"Agnes, I don't wanna be friends,"said J.D. almost angry. This makes no sense, try something like frustratingly.
"Wait, what?"I said asked, confused.
"You heard me," he said and started to walk away.
"Hey, wait, what's up?"
"I just don't want to be friends."
"Are you bipolar or something, why not?"
"Because I failed my last bet friend."
I just stood their there, frozen in place. He turned from me and walked away. I just stood there frozen in place Why did you write this a second time? not really understanding what just happened...

Sorry if thought my review was mean in anyway, so forgive me if you felt that way. Your story was okay, but kinda confusing. In the end it was good, but I really wish it had more descriptions. Mainly describing where your MC are and what characters look like. Thanks for the read though.

Hi!

This sort of seems like it was run through a translator; it was very rough and sort of unfocused!

I think it needs too be a lot longer so you can expand on character and story a bit more. For instance, why doesn't J.D want to be friends? You mention a "bet" but we're never told exactly what that is or why that jeopardizes their friendship.

I just stood there frozen in place not really understanding what just happened...

This is kind of how I felt after the story was over. It has potential, and I can see what you've got now as a rough framework for a scene. Add more to it, like time they've spent together, motives, a reaction from Agnes (Besides not knowing what happened, how does she feel) and attempts to resolve the dispute. That way we can get much closer to the characters and really understand how they feel.

My Rating:
5/10

PM me if you have questions!

-Elinor xo

Hello

There are a few mistakes which curiousvampire has pointed out, watch out for 'their' and 'there' and your tenses.

When you say

"Because I failed my last bet friend."

Are you meaning to say best friend? Because I'm not too sure what a bet friend is.

Also, try reading your writing out loud; it's helpful to spot wonky tenses and missing words.

Before the two characters start talking, maybe introduce the setting. Are they at school? In a cafe? In the library? Describe the place, the mood, what the MC is doing. This helps the reader imagine the scene, rather than just hearing the dialogue. The way you've written it feels like a rushed script with no stage directions. I don't feel any connection to any of the characters, it's far too vague and it doesn't compel me to read anymore.

Overall I'd recommend you add more detail to your writing and let the reader really imagine the scene. Keep writing though! Good writing comes from practice

Hi Naydy!!! I'm back!!! I liked it, but I thou gt it was a little short. Maybe you should add a little more description. But I liked it. Oh and maybe you should point out that this is chapter three in a story your writing. So people won't get confused. But I liked it. And that J.D guy, does seem bipolar. But why doesn't he want to be friends with her? I really liked it and I still want to read on!!!! So please write more soon!!! BYE!!!