swords rust

we begin strong with all the valour,praise and contentment but these die leaving us dead too...it's better we begin with the fear of Allah and the hope for His mercy...

Hello blackscar! Welcome to YWS! I'll be your reviewer for today!

Okay, first off, this needs to be reformated, like this.

we begin strong with all the valour,
praise and contentment
but these die leaving us dead too...

it's better we begin
with the fear of Allah
and the hope for His mercy...

Okay, and you need punctuation.

Its should be like this:

We begin strong,
with all the valour,
praise, and contentment.
But these die,
leaving us dead too.

Its better we begin,
with the fear of Allah,
and the hope for His mercy.

Hope this helps. Also, tell us more about what you are trying to say. That will make it better for the reader. Cause remember, you know what you're talking about, the reader doesn't.

Keep Writing!

~Forest

Expanding on what Forestqueen said, before you write poetry, you should read it and study it so you know to write it properly. The same can be said for any kind of writing or activity. That way you don't make yourself look like a fool. I already talked about stanzas in your other poem that I wrote, so you should fix this. Once you do, PM me and I'll give you a proper critique. No matter how good this may be, it's not going to matter in the slightest if you were too lazy to include the basics.

PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo