Master Keever and the Mystical Clarinet of Doom

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Years ago, in places not even I know of, Master Keever, the daredevil of all band directors, lived and trained among the best. She was a loner and only ever had one companion; her sacred clarinet. Some say that she never existed, but I know the truth. She did exist, and she still does today. Se just stays hidden until she is needed again. Wait. You don't know the story? Well then. I must tell you so you will no just what happened that day.
Master Keever worked in a school and taught young children how to play instuments. There was nothing real wierd about her except the fact that she always carried her clarinet around with her. Other than that, she seemed like a normal, average, everyday type person.
Across the hall from the band room sat the chorus room which was ruled by the ever-so-frightening Countess Compton. Her singing was angelic, almost hypnotic, and her poor, singing students couldn't resist but to sing and obey her every command. Master Keever knew that there was something up with Countess Compton, so she kept a watchful eye on her.
During the students' lunch break, Master Keever peeked through the churus room door, and there sat Countess Compton at her desk plotting evil schemes. Master Keever knew that Countes Comtpn must be stopped immediately, but how? How could she defeat such a powerful being as Countess Compton? Then, it hit her like a newspaper hits a fly. She will use her almighty clarinet-playing powers to defeat the evil chorus teacher.
Again, Master Keever peeked through the window to see that the singing menace was no where to be found. She turned around only to find Countess Comton standing behind her hissing a tune in her ear. She felt a strange sensation starting in the pit of her ear. Countess Compton was trying to hynotize her! Quickly, Master Keever brought her clarinet to her lips and began to play a deep, terrifying tune herself. Countess Compton tried to hiss out another tune, but it was too late. Master Keever's clarinet was too powerful for her used up lungs. Countess Compton dropped to the floor in defeat. Master Keever tried to blow another tune to finish her off, but before she could even blurt a note, the singing witch was gone. After that, Master Keever went into a life of hiding.
Never was Countess Compton seen again. To this day, no one has seen or heard form her, but Master Keever knows she's out there, and when she is found, Master Keever has vowed to dispose of that evil woman once and for all.
Let no one tell you that the story of Master Keever is just a legend or a myth. It is one hundred percent true. Remember, those who question the almighty power of Master Keever will have to answer to her mystical clarinet of doom!
Last edited by eab10 on Thu Apr 15, 2010 3:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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Good job I think this is cute and i love the part that says
Then, it hit her like a newspaper hits a fly.


keek writing :)




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Thanks!
"A stranger in a strange land" ~ Exodus 2:22




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Hey there eab10! This is Esther Sylvester, here for a review. (thank you for the welcome, by the way) This was quite a cute story. You don't read many stories like that around YWS, so good job with that. There are a few errors though and I would like to point them out:

Her singing was angelic, almost hynotic,


You spelled hypnotic, "hynotic", throughout the entire story. You may want to fix that.

could she defeat such a powerful being as Countess COmton?


Change to "Compton". You did this occasionally as well. You may want to check that out.

Master Keever knew that there was something up with Countess Compton, so she kept a watchful eye on her.


See the bolded comma? You need to put a comma where I put it, or else it is kind of a run on.

OVER ALL:

Good job. This was cute, charming, and unique. Keep it up!
It's writing prompt week on my blog a very random pickle!:
http://veryrandompickle.blogspot.com/




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Thanks for poiting those out. I'm new to the whole typing stories thing, so stuff like that may happen a lot. Thanks for being nice about it though. Most of the time when people at school find mistakes, they are all mean and rude about it. So, thanks! ( I think I have said "thanks" a lot in this particular reply)
"A stranger in a strange land" ~ Exodus 2:22




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Hello eab 10, nice to meet ya and welcome to the mystical world of YWS, hope you like it here so far. On to the review, okay this was good overall and it was original. All in all like I said it had a cuteness factor and that's it. Thank you for the enjoyable read.
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Comments in red.

eab10 wrote:Years ago, in places not even I know of, Master Keever, the daredevil of all band directors, lived and trained among the best. She was a loner and only ever had one companion: her sacred clarinet. Some say that she never existed, but I know the truth. She did exist, and she still does today. She just stays hidden until she is needed again. Wait. You don't know the story? Well then. I must tell you so you will know just what happened that day.
Master Keever worked in a school and taught young children how to play instuments. There was nothing weird about her except the fact that she always carried her clarinet around with her. Other than that, she seemed like a normal, average, everyday type person. This is all telling no showing. :(
Across the hall from the band room sat the chorus room, which was ruled by the ever-so-frightening Countess Compton. Her singing was angelic, almost hypnotic, and her poor singing Poor singing? Hm, I don't think so. Out of tune maybe. students couldn't resist but to sing and obey her every command. Master Keever knew that there was something up with Countess Compton, so she kept a watchful eye on her. All telling. This feels like a kid's story book, like Clifford. Where we're told a lot.
During the students' lunch break, Master Keever peeked through the chorus room door, and there sat Countess Compton at her desk plotting evil schemes. Seriously? No, just no. You don't plot your evil schemes on paper. Most of the time you just think it up. Unless this is a kid's story. Master Keever knew that Countes Comtpon must be stopped immediately, but how? How could she defeat such a powerful being as Countess Compton?
Then, it hit her like a newspaper hits a fly. Lol. I like this sentence. She will use her almighty clarinet-playing powers to defeat the evil chorus teacher. Well, this is new. 0o I've never seen it before, to be sure.
Again, Master Keever peeked through the window to see that the singing menace was nowhere to be found. This is what your sentence means: she peeked thrice - once she saw Countess plotting, second time she didn't see anyone and this is the third. What I think you mean: Master Keever peeked through the window a second time, only to see that the singing menace was nowhere to be found. She turned around only to find Countess Compton standing behind her, hissing a tune in her ear. Technically she wouldn't need to turn around because she'd feel Countess Compton breathing down her neck - that's how close Countess Compton has to be to hiss in Keever's ear. She felt a strange sensation starting in the pit of her ear. Countess Compton was trying to hypnotize her! Quickly, Master Keever brought her clarinet to her lips and began to play a deep, terrifying tune herself. Countess Compton tried to hiss out another tune, I just noticed now. I thought Countess Compton sang, not hissed. 0o You need to open your mouth to sing, and hissing is not singing. but it was too late. Master Keever's clarinet was too powerful for her used up lungs. Used up lungs? 0o Countess Compton dropped to the floor in defeat. Master Keever tried to blow another tune to finish her off, but before she could even blurt a note, the singing witch was gone. Huh? How could Compton disappear? She already crumpled to the ground. After that, Master Keever went into a life of hiding. Why did she hide?
Never was Countess Compton seen again. To this day, no one has seen or heard form her, but Master Keever knows she's out there, and when she is found, Master Keever has vowed to dispose of that evil woman once and for all.
Let no one tell you that the story of Master Keever is just a legend or a myth. It is one hundred percent true. Remember, those who question the almighty power of Master Keever will have to answer to her mystical clarinet of doom!


Final thoughts:

This is a good kid's story, otherwise it's too much telling. Way, way too much.

The spelling and word choice is a little iffy sometimes.

Plot is different, as in different new.


This is all my opinion, so don't take it as a final decision or something. If you have any questions, PM me.

Sincerely,

Kara
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Hahahaha! This is why clarinets should be FEARED and RESPECTED. And no, I am not in any way, shape, or form, biased. No siree!

Moving on with the critique... ;)

Use a spell checker! There is one on Microsoft Word which will underline your words in red. Firefox has a spellchecker too... it's telling me that "Hahahaha!" is apparently misspelled! But, really, it will help you out and point out your obvious typos. Just right-click and you can see a list of words which may be the real word you want!

As far as content, I want more clarinet pwnage. But this may just be because I'm completely biased. ;)
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