~R.I.P. Broad Limitalways~

On april 8, 2008 one of my best friends had passed away, he may not have been human but that didn't matter...(he was a horse) Broad Limitalways (Chance) my good friend was put down on April 8, 2010 due to colic...I never got to tell him how much he meant to me so here are a few words:

Dear Chancey;
You have been with me through the years;
You have taught me rights and wrongs...
You taught me how to deal with things I didn't understand;
But now that's all gone.
You never knew how much you meant to me;
But you were my whole world.
I never knew life without you;
But I never thought it would be so cruel.
I hope you live a happy life in the sky;
Maybe race around that track one more time...
I hope you don't regret anything;
Because I won't take any time I spent with you back

Your empty pasture will be dead reminder,
About what we all lost...
I fought back tears when I got the news;
That you had been put down.
No one will understand our pain;
Our misery;
Our game.
You will forever be my buddy, my pal, my friend...

I will miss you greatly my old friend...I will always love you even though you will never know...Shelby will be waiting for you to come back, in that pasture shadowed in pain, she will never understand why you left her, but will always miss you to this day....I love you Chance, I always will...Rest In Peace...

I am sorry your horse coliced and died.I have horses myself so I know how hard losing one can be on a person. The poem sounds more like a column in an obituary.I do have a couple of suggestions.

You have been with me through the years;
You have taught me rights and wrongs...
You taught me how to deal with things I didn't understand;

The repetition of "You" is not working very well in the poem. My second suggestion to you would be that you go into more detail how the horse looked and acted.For example I would say my horse was mahogany colored Arabian that was, beautiful but, ill tempered and flighty.You could integrate descriptions like those into the existing poem.Finally tell the reader what exactly it taught you and what the two of you accomplished together. Hopefully my suggestions help. Welcome to YWS and remember you have to give reviews to get reviews.

Hey. I'm really sorry that your horse died. It always pains me when cute little animals die or are in pain. But hey, he's in a better place and I'm sure he's watching over you.

As for the poem, well, I wasn't to impressed. This read more like a fragmented letter that desperately wants to be a poem. On top of that, the downfall of bad poetry like this is that you don't get to expand into story or character, so the reader is left scratching their heads.

I say rewrite this as a letter to your horse. Maybe describe a memory you guys had together. Or the time when they first met. Then you could also describe in detail what led up to his death so we really feel the emotional center to it.

It's sweet, it really is.

Drop me a PM if you ever need to talk.

-Elinor xo

:'( awww really nice (In a awfuly sad way) I have horses, My horse Texas died too, Though my horse died ontop of me while i was racing him. that was not a hapy memory. Why dont you do a different poem about what you loved most about him? I did one of how i loved to canter with him! It was really nice, but i didn't feel the poem its self made me feel much, it was the comment you had at the end. I thought you should put all of the comments you had in it too, describe how he made you feel, what he looked like, when and where so the reader feels like they are there. Hope this helps, did you get another horse??? /:(