I Have To End It

Hey!
This is my first poem. Please review it, I want to know what I should do if something's wrong with it to make it better.------------- I Rewrote it:)-------------------
Thanks Ikafe

I Have To End It

I feel the wind on my face,
Looking into the empty space,
I let the tears breakout.

I feel so much pain,
So much anger,
I just want to yell and shout.

I'm standing on the cliff,
Remembering our life as it was before,
When you were still here.

I remember your,
Voice,
Touch,
And fear.

I remember our first kiss,
I remember our first date,
I remember the first time you said I love you to me.

I remember the night,
It all happened,
Your screams for help are still echoing in my ears,
I can still feel the hot flames on my skin,
In my mind I still see the fire,
Surrounding our house.

I keep asking my self,
Why?
Why did I survive instead of you?
I'm not worthy of this life.

I feel guilty for your death,
It shouldn't have been you,
Lying down there,
In darkness all pale white.

I know it's all my fault,
I have your blood on my hands,
My life is nothing without you.

I have to end it,
So I jump.

I whisper into the cold night while falling,
I'll be with you soon,
I know it's the right thing to do,
My only option, how to be with you.

Hey Ikafe!

First of all: whoa! Back up! This persona actually... killed her lover???? OMG. That is so completely dramatic! The first thing I'm wondering is why? I mean... wow. That's really really intense. So I want to know all the juicy details. Why did she kill him? Or maybe it was an accident and she feels guilty... but again, why?!

I don't know. I've read a lot of poems where people jump off cliffs because of loneliness... but I haven't read a lot of poems where people kill those that they love! So I would totally shift the subject on the poem to that. It just seems really interesting.

Thanks for the Advice Snoink, I'll try to work on my poem, to make it even better

I agree with Snoink. You've got to pare away things that are unnecessary and replace them with things that are more interesting. For example... why someone would engage in a murder-suicide that involves killing their loved one and then leaping from a cliff. There is not so much as a hint for a motive.

Is it possible it was accidental? Or perhaps the narrator simply blames him/herself for something that was beyond their control, like they got into a car accident and their lover died but the narrator didn't, and so he/she feels responsible. See? You've got me thinking, and that's what you want. Don't outright tell us what happened or why, I'd remain a bit vague but give some hints... and wrap it all up in a package of interesting sensory detail and I'd say you have a winner on your hands.

Thanks guys for all your advice, I rewrote the poem, Please say what you think about it? I added some more lines.
Ikafe

I don't see what you mean by the killing him thing...but oh well. I think that you could do without the repition of and I remember all the time but besides that it's very nice.

Keep Writing

-Flower-

I really like your poem! You really catch the essence of the ' Dramatic poem' part. I think you do a great job with expressing the narrator's feelings and emotions. I think you really write more poems like this! It's really awesome!
Never stop writing!
-Lily <3