Snow...(flakes)

Long ago I dreamt you falling,
And in that moment had a longing:
To watch your graceful shapes pass by,
In white raiment, from the sky.


I was thinking of a dream I had when I was 4...

Three words, Short, Sweet and Simple. Nice work!

Thank you.

You had a dream about a snowflake?

I thoguth this was describing someone you loved, it was nice and short.

Edit: When I saw 'longing' and 'falling' it doesn't rythme because of my accent but 'by' and 'sky' do.

You spelt graceful wrong.

Anyway I liked it. It was simple and sweet and really something that I liked.... Nice Job.

Rainment isn't a word ...

It was okay, but I can't decide whether you need that comma in the last line. The pause makes it sound better, but the comma is so ungrammatical.

Things I was aware of, yet unsure of.
I actually had a fight with myself with the spelling of graceful (bleh), but thank you! As for 'rainment' I meant 'raiment', sorry and thanks. And finally the comma, I thought it was ok, but maybe a semi-colon? If not, I think the comma is ok...

And yes, tis about snowflakes (falling).

Niobe wrote:You had a dream about a snowflake?

I thoguth this was describing someone you loved, it was nice and short.

Edit: When I saw 'longing' and 'falling' it doesn't rythme because of my accent but 'by' and 'sky' do.

Haha! Funny how much poems are regarded as metaphors. I like to keep mine to the point, but then again, the meaning is all up to the reader

Angel17 wrote:Three words, Short, Sweet and Simple. Nice work!

That just about sums it up. I like that you are able to get right to the point and still leave the reader with that imagery and feeling...nice job. :thumb:

Thank ye *bows*

'Tis simple, but very pretty. I like how you create such a vivid picture in the readers mind using so few words.

Bjorn,


This belongs in your blog, not on the poetry forum.

You have produced and are capable of producing much better.


Best,
Brad

Bjorn, I liked the even meter,and the flow of the words. Very " Snow-flake-like." I really enjoyed the rhythm of it all.
-London

I'm actually nine... I'll need to fix that.

Incandescence wrote:Bjorn,


This belongs in your blog, not on the poetry forum.

You have produced and are capable of producing much better.


Best,
Brad

What folly, I say.

I think it was nice, Bjorn. Short and sweet (as seems to be the common consensus around here), thoroughly enjoyable.


~Dreamy