Rain Petals - Elinor's NaPo

April 11
-

The Undiscovered Village

Sitting on a hilltop,
Far from the main roads,
There's a village of people.
People who live primitively
And don't know what technology means.
They're a little bunch people
in an undiscovered village.

Hey Elinor - I like the sweet simplicity of your poems, and how they are bite-sized, but I only wish you'd write them a little longer! I know, I'm contradicting myself - but here's the thing - I think it would be more interesting to read your poems if they encompassed more than a single snapshot image, so to speak. Take this latest poem, for example - it depicts the undiscovered village. The poem itself tells us very little over and beyond what the title tells us, although the poem certainly has a very cute tone to it. I think it would have more impact if it had a bit more 'head and heart' - a good misture of stimulating thought and evoking emotion, like all good poetry does. You're dead on with the imagery - just a bit more forethought and planning required to tell us what the poem actually MEANS.

Good to see you're writing everyday for this NaPo - and keep going!

Elinor, I don't know if I suggested this to you or not, but I would love it if you could attempt to write a poem that doesn't have a story in it. Something that might not even have solid objects in it, but just use words that describe something to make us feel something. Like dancing reds across browns or talk about the way the sun comes in through your window. There's no story, and no purpose, but I think that is something you need to practice, because I don't feel much from your poems, though many of them have a clear story or purpose. ^_^

Try it out!

April 12
-

Orange

A fruit and a color,
It tints the fire and sun.
Mixes with blacks and pinks,
It shows us sun-kissed summer.

April 13th

-
The Serene Garden

It shines in the moonlit;
overgrown vines lacing old white terrace;
pastel colored flowers dotting a field of blue-green.
A couple comes here to confess love for each other,
inside the serene garden.

April 14th
-

Colors

Colors! So many colors!
There's pink and bright orange,
and Red and blue-green
Many shades and hues,
like gold and ice-blue.
So many colors that color our world!

Hey Elinor - just thought I'd mention that, yes, I do have a quick look everyday, and it seems the poem disappears to quickly into my mind - you write so sweetly!

I have noticed that you tend to use a lot of colour-oriented imagery (which is VERY nice, but perhaps gives your poems the same kind of feeling?):

Orange

A fruit and a color,
It tints the fire and sun.
Mixes with blacks and pinks,
It shows us sun-kissed summer.

The Serene Garden

It shines in the moonlit;
overgrown vines lacing old white terrace;
pastel colored flowers dotting a field of blue-green.
A couple comes here to confess love for each other,
inside the serene garden.

Colors

Colors! So many colors!
There's pink and bright orange,
and Red and blue-green
Many shades and hues,
like gold and ice-blue.
So many colors that color our world!

I've bolded the colour-oriented bits (of course, the last poem and the one on 'orange' were fully about a colour, so there you go) - and, while these are a delight to read, just thought that you should have a bit of an experimentation session with scents, and sounds and textures and tastes in your cute poems as well.

April 15
-

Academy Award

A tiny golden statuette
given to those who excel film.
We watch on our tv screens each night,
hoping they will pick our favorites.

(My first attempt at a poem without punctuation or grammar)

April 16th
-

The Harp

the beautiful plucked strings
entertain audiences
night after night

the soft rhythmic melody
is played by played by one little girl

outside of concerts it calms her
makes her feel alright

it soothes her
and the highest note
calls for help whenever needed

those beautiful plucked strings.

April 17th
-

Familiarity

Though she exists
within a hard-drive
of a computer,
this girl seems real to me,

I talk to her every day;
I know her hopes,
and her dreams;
Her personality and who she loves,
she's become a friend
to me.

Shame I can't write about her in more adventures
for a stupid reason really.
But she'll shine in this one,
my little Madeleine Grey.

I really like how you edited "The Harp" poem. It has the same peaceful feel as before, but even more serene and beautiful now. You used much better description and emotional words.

As for the "Familiarity" poem, it has even more emotional feel in it, although I can't really figure out what you're talking about. The first and third stanzas are not as good, but the middle part just gets me.

I talk to her every day;
I know her hopes,
and her dreams;
Her personality and who she loves,
she's become a friend
to me.

Very nice.

BlueRaspberry

April 18th
-

Sun

Glittering Sharply;
Beats against your worn down skin
Life would die without.

April 19th
-

#11

She's like a poisoned rose;
Her upright walk
and rose-scented perfume
make the men go nuts.
Her hair is like blood,
and her eyes like sapphires.
She's beautiful, and will attract
all men
who don't know better.

They don't know she's a murderess,
a thief who hates all men.
She'll just as easily kill you,
when your eyes coming staring toward her.

April 20
-

The Pink of White

Glittering pastel
like that of silk and flowers
make a pretty rose.

April 21st
-

The Notebook

the blank notebook;
blue lines upon white paper
guiding where to write.
so formulaic,
sometimes we doodle.
sometimes we write our stories.