Her. Him. It. They. Chapter 1: Her

Her: before you start

Something you should know.
Before you start.

This story is about two people.

One of them is dead.
One of them is not.

That’s all you really have to know. Before you start, I mean. There’s more. Lots more. Enough more to fill a book, I would guess.

Well, here’s some of the more you should know.
Otherwise none of this will make sense.

I’m the dead one.

Of the two people, I’m the dead one.

He’s not.
Not dead. Him.
He should be. It should be His body they’ll find.
Him.
He’s not dead.

I am.
Me.
I shouldn’t be. But I am. It’ll be my body they find.
Mine.

That’s what you need to know. Before you start.
It’s time for the more.


[A/N]This has short chapters, because it's meant to be a verse novel, much like the work of Ellen Hopkins. Tell me what you think?

Hi! First I like the idea. It's original and has a lot of potential. I had a couple minor problems though:

AllieTheWriter wrote:It should be His body they’ll find.

His shouldn't be capitalized, like I said just a little problem.

My only other problem is the way your writing it. On one hand I like it's uniqueness but all the repetitive lines I can see them getting annoying, at least for me.

All in all I like it and I'm looking forward to see what you do with the story!

This is really REALLY good! And very impressive!

Hey there! I'm Hawk and I'm here for a review!

Well, this is an interesting approach you took to writing your story. I like it; I find it intriguing, albeit repetitive at times, as Amnien mentioned above me.

AllieTheWriter wrote:Something you should know.
Before you start.

This bugs me. I think, even though you're going for a short, staccato rhythm, it really would work better if you merged them. You could separate it by a comma to kind of add that shortness to it. But really, I didn't like the way this was written.

Aside from that, I'm definitely intrigued. Please let me know when you post more!

I love it. The style of this piece stands out. The short sentences and repetitiveness definitely has an effect, but be careful not to overuse it! Right now it's on your good side. Interesting start, I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes! Great beginning!
Keep up the good work-
KD

New chapter is up.

Thank you so so so much for all the great reviews! I tried to apply them in the next chapter, please let me know if I've screwed up badly.

-Allie

I like the idea. Is it something like soul changing. If yes,then be careful with writing as many people get confused.
BEST OF LUCK!!!