Frozen in Time

The cold winter air
breathes snowflakes in my hair.
My fingers and toes are numb,
just like my frozen heart.
It would have been a beautiful day,
were it not for him.
Winter breathes in my face,
coldness ablaze.
I feel a shiver down my spine,
a sadness not far behind.
Children play in the snow,
but I can’t help still feeling cold.
Puddles of ice on the ground,
causing me to slip and fall down.
I remember falling in love,
but that was long ago.
Chilly breezes from all around,
as I lay still on the ground.
I watch water crystallize,
sort of like how I’m frozen in time.
Then I see snow turn to slush,
I’m reminded that spring is near.
The sun will be in my face,
flowers will blossom soon.
Though there will be rain,
summer shall still arrive.

Hi crescent!

I just want to say that this was a nice piece, and I can tell that you put a lot of effort into it. Your imagery was simply fantastic, and although it described a pretty winter day, it made me feel warm inside.

Your grammar was fine, but what I didn't like was the subject matter. You started off with lovely descriptions of winter, and then you decided to go for the cliche love poetry. There's nothing that really stands about that, so my advice would to just make this a poem about winter. You've got such lovely imagery that I don't think it would be hard to do.

-Elinor

This is really beautiful. I love the imagery and the feel... Makes me smile, even thoguh it has a touch of sad love in the middle of it. I like the "frozen in time" reference. It reminds me, oddly enough, of a song called "Her Diamonds". It's beautiful song and this is beautiful poem. Keep writing. I would love to read more.

~Scarlett.