Sunset Magic

Author's note: This is my first poem I'm posting here! This is also my first non-ryhming poem! Hope you enjoy!


Sunset Magic

As the sun sets in the west
The Magic begins
The sun turns to gold
And intensely shines with it's pride
Ruby becomes the skies around it
And Topaz tagalongs
With hints of Amethyst and
Pink Pearls to follow
the Clouds reflect the beautiful radiance like enchated Mirrors
In the East, the Great Velvet Sky is jelous of the
Magic
In a flash, all is gone but the velvet sky, with a shining opal proud to show
The Sunset Magic is gone, only to come back tomorow


So, What do you think?

Hello there, and welcome to YWS!

Congratulations on writing your first non-rhyming poem! It can be a difficult challenge, can't it? Well, skimming through your poem, I'll say that you did an alright job, but I'm impressed, especially since this is your first attempt.

Now, let's take a closer look, shall we?

KinetaAlettaThyra wrote:The Magic begins

Why is magic capitalized? It's a general term and not referring to a specific noun, and it's not at the beginning of a sentence, so therefore it should be in lowercase.

And intensely shines with it's pride

You've made a very common grammatical error right here. There are two ways to say "its", the first being without the apostrophe and the second being the with. The one that does is a contraction of 'it is', so think about it for a moment: 'it is pride' doesn't make too much in the context of the line, doesn't it?

Magic

Why is this all on one line by itself? There really isn't a need for it; just put it with the line before.

You also had a few spelling mistakes, but I will point out that YWS does have a spell-checker; it's in the right-hand corner just above the text box, and you should catch those mistakes very easily.

-
Nice work, and I can't wait to see where your poetry leads!

-Elinor

I like your poem, and I give it a 7. It has a wonderful title and theme that gives the person a good mantal image baut maybe it wouldnt hurt to put in some more adjectives like in these lines...

As the sun sets in the westThe Magic beginsThe sun turns to goldAnd intensely shines with it's pride

You could add...

"As the sun sets far in the west, The Sunset Magic begins, The ginormous sun turns to a rich perfect gold, And intensely shines with it's glorious pride. "

And please reveiw my stories too! thanks!

- Lily <3

Hey there Kineta! Welcome to YWS!

Before I get on to the review, I want to remind you to make sure that you do some reviews as well! I don't want to sound like a miserable poo, but it is a good idea to review other people's work as well as post your own work!

Anyway! On to your poem! I must say, I really did like your poem. It was especially good considering it was your first attempt of a non-rhyming poem. It's a tricky thing to do! Like Lilly said, I also really liked the title of the poem.

the Clouds reflect the beautiful radiance like encha#BF0000 ">nted Mirrors

I really liked this line. I like your use of a simile. Also, it puts a nice, solid image into my head. Well done for that! Although, you've spelt enchanted wrong. I think that it's just a typo though!

The other reviewers have more or less pointed out all of the nit-picks, so there's not much point in me simply repeating them! Listen to what they have said, edit your poem a bit and you should end up with a very good poem!

Keep writing!

xoxo Skins