Wilted Roses

The garden is different, drier somehow.
Flowers once vibrant now seem to be dead.
The roses have wilted; they cannot wilt more.

I can't do anything now;
A long time since they were fed.
The garden is different, drier somehow.

I'll plant some new flowers, and I will make a vow,
A vow to protect them, but that's all in my head.
The roses have wilted; they cannot wilt more.

I'd clear away this mess, but I haven't a plow.
I wish I took care of them, but I was misled.
The garden is different, drier somehow.

I've got water and seeds in my hand;
But this place is different, and I am not ten.
The garden is different, drier somehow.
The roses have wilted; they cannot wilt more.

Judging by your avatar, I'm going to assume this poem is inspired by the latest Alice movie. I haven't seen it yet so I wont be able to really take it into account much.

I must say though that I really like your poem.

The repetition of:

The garden is different, drier somehow.

was very good. The line itself was good, but the repetition really worked with your timing and subtle rhyme.

I like the way you made the poem dark with words like, dead, wilt, and dry even though your describing what seems to once have been a very pretty garden. Which leads to another comment, I loved your subtle hint of a story behind the narrator.

All in all I truly appreciate your sophisticated structure and give you a thumbs up!

Hi,

This is a beautiful piece. You follow the villanelle form nicely and it suits your subject matter. The opening imagery is lovely and I love;
"but that's all in my head."


I think that "but I was misled." is a little forced and "I can't do anything now;
A long time since they were fed." are too short and disrupt the flow of the piece so I'd try longer lines.

The last stanza is great.

A pleasure to read.

Hope this helps,
Jas

A reminder for me to review this today.

Was this somehow connected to Alice in Wonderland? It seemed like it, to me... but then again, I am insane!

Okay, I liked it. I think you got the form right, and I recognized the type of poem-- the name escapes me-- I know it's French, though!

You describe the garden well. It gave me the feeling of a wilting flower, as I believe was the point and case? I would give more emotion, though, connecting the reader throughout the whole piece and keeping them focused.

Love,
Fixed

i just gotta say wow i want to know how you just got inspiration to write that poem it was just wow so different
i liked it its a really good poem and its seems to have a lot of emotion in it
keep on writing your talented so just keep spreading it on to the world and giving readers something to enjoy