Our Dance

this actually happened to me! Please comment!

silently serenading,
we dance.
even though we are surrounded
by people,
it seems as if
we are alone.
I look up
embarrassed,
but your easygoing smile
brings me back to comfort.
alas, it was only for
two minutes.
but I still dance
that dance
when
I'm near
you.

I Like your poem - im kind of a romantic so this one stuck out. I really like how you focus on just you two people, even though your in a throng of people. Its obviously free form, I would like to know how you set up your lines though if there was a pattern i missed or if u just did what felt good .

Simple language, I like that, but be sure to get your vocab and use it. Its a pretty little poem

Infatuation/love makes u feel like this > huh?

Omg!! I loved this!! I am, too, a romantic kind of person. I wrote a little short story just like this, but every reviewer said it shouldve been poetry. Check it out if you want, it's called My Valentines Day :p.
Anyways, you're really good, and agree with everything davy89irox said.

Aww, don't you two just make an adorable couple? He is a gentleman and cute, I will admit that...oh, wait, we're not having a girl conversation here, are we?! My mistake! Onto the poem!! .

I really love this! Of course, you know me, I'm not exactly a poetic kind of person, but I still really like it. Watch out for the tiny grammatical errors, though, like not capitalizing the first word of the sentence. Great work, my little Sionarama!

~~Lee-Anna

Short poem and I can see that you did put your heart into it more then time. Which is a good thing. As a review I have nothing. Its Flawless. Very good job.

It is a cute little poem, your point came across well. I would have liked to hear more about the dance but seeing as it only lasted two minutes, brevity worked to its advantage.

Good work (:

I thought this was really cute, very relatable. It was short, and with more work I think it could have a more powerful effect and be brilliant!
Other than that I loved it.

Love and all the jazz.
Herzing

Hi Sionamara!

How are you? As requested. Now, this poem was by all means very cute. I think you've created something that almost everyone can relate to-a cute right of passage that makes us think, "someone loves us". I admire you for that!

What I didn't like was the way the poem was actually executed. It seemed kind of choppy and dull. There's practically no imagery to this, nothing that will let us dive into the scenery you're creating. What is the place like that you're dancing at? How many people are there? What kind of music is playing in the background? How does he look? What kind of dress are you wearing? Imagery is important to a poem just as description is important to a story. This is because we weren't there. We want to know what it was actually like or what your imagination says it's like! Really go and add meat to it. It's thing right now-physically thin at that.

I think that this can go somewhere. Work on adding bulk, and really diving into detail so that your reader knows exactly what's going on. Hope this helps, and PM me if you have any questions!

-Elinor xo