Zenith

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1.

The teacup is spattered with broken roses, a thorn poking out of the chip in its shoulder. My mother raises it to her chapped lips and glances down at the murky liquid inside. Her thoughts are concealed behind Germanium irises, and I wonder if I am in them.

2.

Call-Me-Steve from the flat below is walking. I know this because I see him. I know this because I am spying – a hobby I loved when I was younger and more colourful. My personality has been stunted and blunted, dragged through a millennia and dropped into one I am now quite familiar with. I would have liked to be smiling during the process, but the world’s a little grey.

3.

Footsteps creak in the hallway, and the wilting lampshade cradles a flickering light. A glimpse of a slender form catches ignorant eyes and the metallic noise of a zipper being done up slowly is the one thing that stays sowed into my brain. The noise of footsteps slowly decreases as they make their way downstairs. When the world is spinning, it’s hard to get off.

4.

Distantly, I hear laughter. It pierces my ears and is snap-shotted at its most ugly, contorted angle. My eyes cringe, lips unravelling, and I look out the window again. The sky is scarred with neon streaks of orange and dianthus pink, while the sun lowers, mourning for the stars that She never got to meet.

5.

I dreamed of a house once. A mock-Tudor house with a dark, slanted roof and three floors. I dreamed of stepping inside, scraping the dirt off my old trainers and sitting down at a mahogany table where I’d say Grace – losing my religion? – and clasp hands with two people with friendly faces and shallow souls. Chrysanthemums lined the front garden, and the curtains were drawn.
Last edited by Demetri on Sun Feb 28, 2010 2:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"It's funny how most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life."




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I adore this. The imagery and the words you choose to describe it with are really original and interesting. I love how every part is a snapshot of something different but they can all be joined up to create one scene, one big feeling. I think here: "The noise of footsteps slowly decrease as they make their way downstairs" decrease should be decreases, because noise is singular - "noise decreases". Apart from that I don't have any complaints. I love this.
Matt.




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Matt Bellamy wrote:I adore this. The imagery and the words you choose to describe it with are really original and interesting. I love how every part is a snapshot of something different but they can all be joined up to create one scene, one big feeling. I think here: "The noise of footsteps slowly decrease as they make their way downstairs" decrease should be decreases, because noise is singular - "noise decreases". Apart from that I don't have any complaints. I love this.


Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. I'll change 'decrease' to 'decreases'. Thanks again for the feedback.
"It's funny how most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life."




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Hi Demitri! Welcome to YWS. Here is my review, as requested.

I feel bad about this one because there isn't really anything I disliked about these collection of stories. You've got good word choice, they're very interesting, and tell a complete story in a matter of sentences. Not many people can do that.

You're a great writer and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.

-Elinor

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney



Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own.
— Chinese proverb