I'm not a nut

Some people don't understand me: think something is terribly wrong with me. Those people have no intent on helping me or even apprehending me. No; they just needed to fear something, and my actions made me a worthy component for fear. I'm here to tell you why you won't need to fear.
I was bitter and angry for a time; true enough. My gun barrel glowed red from exaustion of the bullets that left it and my jacket was splattered in the blood of my enemies. They had killed what mattered to me; now I'd had my revenge.
And then I learned of yet another.

I crept silently into the night; brandishing my duel wield pistols, relishing the conquering of this one last foe. I was not alone; my companion 'Slasher,' had determined to help me; carrying sharp blade weapons that made him a deadly blade assassin. If he were my enemy I would be hard pressed to beat him. Fortunately this was not so.
"We must be close by now," he wispered quietly; bringing his blades to bear.
"We are near; not near enough," I reminded him. "We are near enough when he is dead." "But can we kill him? I heard stories; he has some men...no problem. But he himself...it may be a challenge." I thought about that. "Yes; I know, but I could care less about the rumors. There is no such thing as immortality on this earth...he is human and can die. Therefore," I concluded, "he will die...by my hand."
"Yet they say he is stronger then ten men and faster then a cheetah. I also hear he has the fighting skill of...Chuck Norris."
"That's because he IS Chuck Norris," I reminded him. "Now shut up; we're almost there."
The huge mansion loomed before us; shimmering and shaking like Slashers body. I ignored him; sighted two guards out patrooling the outside. "Well; that won't take long," I mused.
Slasher saw them; leaped towards one while I took the other down with a barrel shot. He fell to the ground dead at about the time the other died; beheaded by Slashers blade.
"More are coming," Slasher noted; glancing out at the mansion where about twenty more emerged: some with guns and others with knives.
"Lets take em!" I prombted. No need to prombt Slasher.
I began to blast my pistols as Slasher gave his all with singing blades of death. One came rather close as I reloaded; I smacked him upside the head with the gun; ducking a bullet matrix style. Slasher grabbed one guard and threw him into two more. The one behing the other two had a blade sticking out, killing the first two. Slasher killed him personally.
I took a hit in the thigh: screaming pain shot into me and made me more determined. Blood flowed from the wound but I determined to show no weakness...or allow it. I finally screamed in outrage as I blasted down the second to last foe. Slasher took out the very last.
Silence.

"Whew; that was a rather intence fight," Slasher said. Then he saw my wound. "Why; you've been hit!" "Oh really? Geez, thanks for saying something." "Hey; no need for that," he replied; I was just saying."
"Yea; well we got Chuck Norris to worry abou..."

Oh; didn't I tell you? No one survives a Chuck Norris attack!!!!

Interesting.

Haha! Oh my... I didn't even consider the possibility of this story! You are quite creative!

A quick thing, first!

"Lets take em!" I prombted. No need to prombt Slasher. <-- "prombt" should be "prompt." Also, "lets" should be "let's". A quick spell check would do wonders for your story.

Okay! Now I realize that this is mostly in jest, but I still have to wonder... why would anybody in his right mind try to take out Chuck Norris? I would like to see some sort of reasoning for the character, even if it's bad reasoning! Still, very enjoyable. Very fun.

Yo, an interesting story, and of course, an utterly plausible ending. I hear Chuck Norris pushes the ground away, not himself, when he does pushups...
Anyway, on the literary front:

helping me or even apprehending me - is that apprehending or comprehending? Could be either of the two, just checking.

I'm here to tell you why you won't need to fear - won't, or don't?

My gun barrel glowed red from exaustion of the bullets that left it and my jacket was splattered in the blood of my enemies - exhaustion is not really the right word is it? Not in this context. Also - splattered 'with' or 'by' the blood. I think.

And then I learned of yet another. - another? Another enemy? You have to feed the reader info, don't make him/her guess.

carrying sharp blade weapons that made him a deadly blade assassin - unsightly repetition of 'blade'.

"We are near; not near enough," I reminded him. "We are near enough when he is dead." "But can we kill him? I heard stories; he has some men...no problem. But he himself...it may be a challenge." - How many people are speaking here? You have to clarify.

"More are coming," Slasher noted; glancing out at the mansion - a simple comma would suffice, but after it the second half of the sentence should be re-written

I began to blast my pistols as Slasher gave his all with singing blades of death - hihi, it's probably 'blast away' I presume, and 'gave his all' should also be tended to.

I smacked him upside the head with the gun - upside the head? that's pretty Alice in Wonderland style of describing it.

Slasher grabbed one guard and threw him into two more. The one behing the other two had a blade sticking out, killing the first two - I'm not really sure what's happening here.

And so on. Nice amusing plot, lots of structural deficiencies in presenting it, but! This site here transformed me in mere months, and so will you benefit. Before the year's end, you'll have Chuck Norris standing in line for an autograph:)