Heart Broken

I live in a land of sorrow,
Where all I feel is pain.
you have nothing to give,
you burst my dreams into flames.

Hi again! I feel the same way about this poem as I did about the one I just reviewed of yours - it's good, but it's very short. I do like short poems but more information would be great. Perhaps you could combine the two poems, as a starter? I don't know if they're on the same subject or not but if they are it might be an idea to put them together, add another couple of stanzas and play around with making something longer. Your poems are very heartfelt and well-written, but if they were a bit longer they could be even better.

Hi!
I agree that this is very short, but I do think you have put in a lot of feeling & it is wild with emotion! Technically, you've included some great devices such as personification and imagery. I love the idea of bursting "dreams into flames," I can imagine that in my head brilliantly.
I think you should definitely work on lengthening your pieces, because you have all the ideas and content but you just need to expand it a little to create some fantastic poetry!
It's simple to make a poem longer, once I have the idea in my head the stanzas just flow and sometimes it's hard to stop myself! Just try and develop a technique that works for you, if you find it easier to make them longer by not including a rhyme then do that- it's a good place to start! It should just continue from there and soon, you'll be writing lengthy poetry which is just as good as these four lines

Hey! What a start this is!

I live in a land of sorrow,
Where all I feel is pain. <-Short this maybe but it's an engaging and captivating start.
You have nothing to give,
you burst my dreams into flames. <- what an ending, I have to say, flows so perfectly.

I love these ideas and choices of words because despite the shortness of this poem it gives it some originality. This would make a great starting stanza or ending stanza to a brilliant piece. Perhaps you could come up with 3 or 4 stanzas like this and play around structuring them together? That would look and sound really good.
Also, I think you burst my dreams into reality would work great as well that kind of packs a punch and would work good as perhaps a repetitive line later on.
Hope this helps & keep up the great poetry.
~Ben

Hello there, I will attempt to critique your poem.
Here goes.

I live in a land of sorrow,
Where all I feel is pain.

Okay, this is a great start. It made me feel some emotion, but you end it with the next line.

you have nothing to give,

You need to capitalize your "y"s, every letter at the beginning of a line is always capitalized. But the feelings that you provoked in your first two lines is gone. I was a little confused with this.

you burst my dreams into flames.

Lastly, I didn't get this last line. If you live in a land of sorrow, where do you have room to dream? You didn't introduce the dream aspect until this line, it threw me off again.

Overall, it needs some work, but there is potential. It is a little short, and therefore you have room to make it better. Once you improve it, you will have a beautiful poem.

Keep writing!
Teddy

This was an excellent poem. I disagree with Matt Bellamy-the short length of the poem compliments it. You don't have a lot of information that you need to convey to tell this story, and that's okay. Your length his perfect. If you take away or add from it, it will be ruined.

My only minor nitpick would be to replace the comma after "give" with a semi-colon. Thanks for letting me read this, and PM me if you have questions.

-Elinor