It's Funny, Sometimes

It’s funny how some things last forever, even when they have faded away
Hidden behind a far corner of our minds,
It’s funny how brick can break,
Even though we think it’s one of the strongest makings of a house,
It’s funny how love can hurt,
Even though people describe it like flying, I guess they must have crashed at some point.

It’s funny how we have clocks to check the time,
But not clocks to check how much more time we have left,
It’s funny how criminals are put in jail for killing,
But the one who was killed is still dead
It’s funny how some people smoke, drink, take drugs and slowly kill themselves,
But they still live longer then some.

It’s funny how a baby can die in it’s mother’s stomach,
Even when it wasn’t born in the first place
It’s funny how things can change,
But memories never go away.

It’s funny how people are scared of other people,
But never look in the mirror to see what they have become
It’s funny how despite the fact that it’s written in clear paper,
Not everyone has their own rights to freedom and justice
I guess paper isn’t good enough.

It’s funny how the world is colorful,
Yellow sun, blue sky, brown soil
How we never choose one over the other for it’s color,
But for humans,
It’s funny how color matters so much.

It’s funny how people are scared of dying,
But noT scared of being born
It’s funny how tears in our eyes may just seem water to others,
But in reality they are induldged with many untold stories.

It’s funny how sometimes we take a smile for granted,
But a frown we never do
It’s funny how people say laughter is the best medicine,
But people still die laughing on their death beds.

It's funny how life sometimes,
Isn't funny.

Hey JD!

I'm so happy that you're writing again. Getting past writer's block is very good. And this is a lovely subject for a poem, actually. The questions you ask throughout it are good, and you expand on them nicely.

Message:

I like the overall feeling that you're putting through here. You tie it up at the end very nicely, which I absolutely love. Throughout the poem you have a strong underlying message, which I liked. However, I do think that at points you lost it slightly and seemed to meander off onto a path that sounds nice, but doesn't necessarily add much to the poem other than being pleasing to the ears.

Emotion:

Although I do get a feeling of emotion coming from your poem, you don't seem to be exploring emotions as much as you possibly could do. A lot of the things you're describing could be expanded on by use of emotions and the suchlike. However, in a way I quite like the way you've written it. So I'm actually kind of torn. I still would recommend emotion, though.

Rhythm:

So, up 'till now my comments have been pretty minor. On this factor, though, I think your poem could use some serious work. Thing is, at the moment your poem reads like prose with line breaks. Occasionally, this is a good thing, but here it doesn't seem to work. Your lines are too long, and there isn't really a discernible rhythm. Firstly, I would suggest getting rid of redundant words. In your poem you don't need to have full sentences which describe everything perfectly. Leave some things up to the readers' imaginations! You don't want to serve them everything piled high on a plate; that just gets a little boring. You need to cut down your line length a lot, and then start playing around with sentence structures in order to make this a really great poem!

Overall:

I really liked this, JDizzle! You have these really great ideas, and a lot of the time you manage to convey them in a wonderful way. But you over describe, dear, which takes your poem down a few notches. Nothing you can't fix, though!

*loves*

~Amy

-insert review here- There you go, since you don't want me to review.

Hi JD! Here is your requested review.

I was very optimistic going into this review. Reading through your poem, the subject matter seemed pretty interesting and original. I like the moral questions that you bring up in your poem, even if I don't agree with some of them. It's a thought poem, with not a lot of imagery, and I think that I like that. This is one of those poems that imagery would absolutely kill. It's very nice the way it is.

However, there were some parts to your poem that just didn't seem right to me.

JustDance wrote:It’s funny how some things last forever, even when they have faded away

I would rewrite this line. I know what you are trying to say, but when it comes out it's just confusing. It's choppy and awkward, and it doesn't really seem to make sense when looking at literal side of things. Maybe you could try something along the lines of, "It's funny how we never forget those moments, even though they left our minds," or something to that effect.

JustDance wrote:Even though we think it’s one of the strongest makings of a house

Again, a line that's a bit too long. You tried to squeeze too much in and it feels cramped and uncomfortable. I remember telling AquaMarine about rhythm in a review. As you recite a poem out loud, you can tell that it's there and that you aren't saying the words completely flat, as you you would if you were just talking.

What would I do in this situation? As you can see I did a strike through of a few words. I'd delete those, and replace it with something that is shorter but still gets to the point.

JustDance wrote:I guess they must have crashed at some point.

Haha, I love this line. Pretty clever here.

JustDance wrote:It’s funny how criminals are put in jail for killing,
But the one who was killed is still dead

Good, thoughtful bit. However, I am going to nag you again about your word choice. Again I would trim it down. For instance,

"It's funny how murders are put in jail
when the victim is still gone."

Of course, use whatever you want, but please see my point here. It's shorter, It gets to the point, and it doesn't cram too many words in and disrupt the flow.

JustDance wrote:It’s funny how things can change,
But memories never go away.

<3
This line really touched me.

JustDance wrote:It's funny how life sometimes,
Isn't funny.

I would 'isn't' in italics for added emphasis. Anyway, this was a pretty good poem JD. Just take into account what I said about word choice.

PM me if you have questions.

-Elinor