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Hi, PenNPaper here to review!

Behind me was my older cousin, almost collapsing from her armchair due to excitement overdose.

How do you know she was excited? Maybe she was laughing or whatsoever.

Are you a lock? Because I want to slip my key into you

Is this supposed to have a meaning to it, as I have absolutely no idea what this is all about.

Okay your story was fine overall, nice start there, I liked it.

Good luck and keep writing1

This story (or whatever you want to call it) is kind of cool, and its relative pointlessness is forgiven since its tone sounds very "fun!" and, idk, i enjoyed it. my only problem with it is just that sometimes you try and put too much into a sentence and it becomes awkward. example:

I gulped, moving a bit backwards; the proximity of which she had presented the contraption to me so very near that I got crossed-eyed for one moment there. I blinked up at her, as if asking for her consent to continue.

I mean, i like the originality of your sentence structure (never lose that!!!!!!) but you've gone a little bit too far and it's stiff and hard to read.

as for the ending, i guess the other person didn't get it (?), but i think it's pretty obvious (no disrespect to the other poster)... and it's not exactly funny, even in its lameness, but it serves its own purpose of making this a fun piece.

mostly i like the originality. and the energy. good job.

It's funny.

Have to agree with Okkervilpuddle about that one sentence he mentioned. It's the only sentence I found that didn't read smoothly.

Written in it was a text message which said, "Are you a lock? Because I want to slip my key into you."

You wrote says, should be said, it's in the past so keep your verbs that way .

I actually like how fast it went. You didn't beat around the bush and got right down to the point, which makes reading a whole lot more enjoyable.

(I think it's hilarious PenNPaper didn't get the ending, no worries mate)

Um....

I like the beginning, however this doesn't seem like it's a prologue or first chapter. It seems...incomplete. Is there more? Is the girl going to ask her cousin why it was so funny? Is this a short story or experiment?

It's good and solid, it just needs more...point, and structure.

I look forward to seeing what happens next

It's a drabble. The next installment will have nothing to do with this part. And it's meant to be pointless. XD

I see people in YWS are quite unfamiliar with drabbles... No worries, though... I'll fix that up right away~

Haha. Have a nice day.

~Kate

This toilet humour of yours, God did it better:

Song of Solomon 5:4-5
"My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock."

@Kit - I didn't say it was the best joke around, for God's sake. Please keep your sarcasm to yourself, thank you very much.

*Locked*