Religion

The Christian people in my life, they look like me and you.
But 'cuz I'm not the churchy type, they call me "dirty Jew."
I cannot talk religion, their bible I can't quote.
And since my savior's yet to come, over me they gloat.
Perhaps someday in the future,
they won't say I'll go to Hell.
They'll realize that if you love mankind,
God'll love your soul as well.
It won't matter if your religion's what God calls "The Right Stuff."
What'll matter is what's inside your heart,
just that will be enough.



***This is a poem about how people at my school treat me because I'm an aethiest with Jewish principles. Please, tear my poem apart, but not my religion. ****

Hey Dreamy!

I'm your first comment! Which is lucky because I really loved your
poem....It was simple yet really meaningful. I'm sorry about
how they treat you, but just think...you managed to make an amazing
poem out of your feelings about it.
my favourite bit

They'll realize that if you love mankind,
God'll love your soul as well.

because i truly do believe that must be true.

my least favourite (only because i dont want you to become big-headed )

And since my savior's yet to come, over me they gloat.
Perhaps someday in the future,
they won't say I'll go to Hell.

I thing it sounds a little awkward...almost as though the second line is a bit too
long to fit with the rythm of the last, or that there should be a gap.
Anyways, thats just my advice.

your poem is beautiful and very heartfelt, which can make a poem!
xox
T

Hello Dreamy,

I liked this, and I actually can't see many things to tear apart with it. I would say though that this line,

Perhaps someday in the future

It seemed a little long,the rhythm was out and I can't pinpoint why. Try reading it aloud and working with it

Other than this I though this poem was beautiful, it really expressed how you felt about this issue and I could see that you wrote it from the heart! Well Done

Keep Writing,
~Lydia

That's good that you are taking your hard feelings and making it into a poem. Shows you are a true writer. I liked this and it showed how it came from your heart.

Tranquility: Thanks! I'll look over those lines.
Lydia: Thanks to you to. I'll look at my meter and figure out that line.
Icubed: Another thanks.

--Dreamy

Very pure thoughts, I enjoyed reading it.

I like the rhyme scheme and just the genuineness of it all. Anti-semitism is completely ignorant and I really do feel sorry that some people cannot grow up. Don't let them bring you down.

Thanks you so much, everyone, for making this a featured work and supporting me! I'm so happy!

Holy crap I'm athiest with Jewish principles too! I think it was nice, but there was one rhyme that was forced, it was the one ending in gloat. I liked the idea, people should be more tolerant and not biased

Wow, Dreamy! This is great stuff. I just wrote a religious poem, too, and I admire that you have as well, but in a different way. You've really brought your message to the table and delivered. Great!

Dreamy115 wrote:
It won't matter if your religion's what God calls "The Right Stuff."

I would suggest breaking this line in two, maybe "It won't matter if your religion/is what God calls the "right stuff," That way your poem will flow better and won't seem so messy.

But anyways, great job! I loved it.

hi Dreamy!
Really awesome poem.I don't think I can find anything wrong with it.I loved the rhyming and love the flow of the poem.I felt something while I was reading it,like I knew what you were talking about.Great job.Keep writing.
.....july.....

Hey dreamy,
I liked this poem mainly due to rhythm and fluency. Thus, it was well punctuated

It is just little things like this that could do with that extra little revision:

I cannot talk religion, their bible I can'tcannot quote.

If you make little changes like this the rhythm will stay more of a cosntant.

Anyway, keep it up
You have a knack for rhythm.
Ben

Thanks, Ben and July!

Aw! This isn't a featured work anymore. If anyone wants to like it.....

Yay! It's featured again! Thanks, whoever liked this!

I really liked this! As an agnostic with Bhuddist principles (a little different but still essentially the same) I could really relate to it and I thought it carried a great message. People definitely need to understand that different people have different views. Great concept and great job!