Out of the Cage by Searria

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Two humans loomed over me. I fluffed up my white fur, waiting for a compliment.

"What a disgusting rat!" the girl exclaimed. The insult made me both confused and melancholy. I thought they would admire my pearly white fur, but instead they had called me a disgusting little rat.

"Look at its tail!" the boy gasped.

"There isn't any hair on it!" shrieked the girl.

I looked over my shoulder and saw my tail. As the humans had said, my tail was pink and hairless.

The humans left after a few minutes, still making fun of my name. I had always liked my name. After the humans walked out the door, I looked at the nametag by my cage. "Cottontail" it read. I ran into my hiding box. I was so angry at my tail that I bit it. Pain seized my body. Before long, I had cried myself to sleep.

When I woke, night had already fallen. I looked around the deserted classroom. I felt unwanted. My owner had left without me, those two humans thought I was disgusting, and no one had even bothered to feed me. I figured it would be best if I escaped and hid somewhere in the school. I leaned against the door. I was overjoyed when the door swung open. My owner probably forgot to latch it when she took me out for my morning pat on the head.

I leaped out the door and bounded across the counter. A thought struck me. What if I couldn't get off the counter? It was too high up to jump off, but I jumped anyway. I held my breath and let myself fall over the side. I hit the tile with a thud. I sprang to my feet and skidded across the smooth surface. Before long, I had made my way out of the classroom door and into the hall. A very strange aroma wafted past my nose. It was different, but it smelled like food, and I was famished. I followed my nose to a large room. I slipped through the open door and walked around, searching for the food that was making my mouth water. After what seemed like an hour, I came to a big plate filled with something round and flat. I had heard about these treats before. They were called cookies. According to humans, they were delicious. I gave one a nibble. It was scrupmtious! I wolfed down the rest of the cookie in seconds.

With my stomach satisfied, I decided it was time to find a place to hide for the rest of my life. I searched the whole school, but was unsuccessful. If I didn't have anywhere to go, I would surely die. I felt a tear run down my snout. I licked it off my face. The salty liquid made me gag. all of the sudden, I lost it. Tears streamed from my eyes. I knew I had to find somewhere to stay, but that was impossible.

Then something caught my eye. It was an open locker! I ran over to it and slipped inside. The place was scuzzy, but it would have to do.

The sun rose a few hours later. I crawled out of my new home to see the sunrise. It was a wonderful site! The pinks, purples, and yellows were relaxing. I was enjoying th moment, when a scream of surprise brought my thoughts out of the sunrize and back to the school. I spun around to see my owner. Before I could move, she snatched me off of the floor, and hugged me. She hurried to her classroom and put me in my cage. "What were you doing out of your cage?" she asked and for some reason, I wondered the same thing. After all, it was better than a deserted locker.
Last edited by J. Haux on Mon Nov 21, 2005 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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I liked it! :wink:

"What a disgusting rat!" the girl exclaimed. The insult made me both comfused and melancholy. I thought they would admire my pearly white fur, but instead they had called me a disgusting little rat.


This is nice as it is makes us feel pity for the "rat"( It's a rat I presume, not a gerbil or somethin').

I loved your use of adverbs as it made the piece "alive" :D (wolfed ; bounded; gasped; shrieked)

After all, it was better than a deserted locker.


There was something about this final sentance. I sorta left something to be desired. *sighs*

Nice overall though! :wink:
Bright is the ring of words
When the right man rings them,
Fair the fall of songs
When the singer sings them.
Still they are carolled and said -
On wings they are carried-
After the singer is dead
And the maker buried.

Robert Louis Stevenson




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I love stories that are from the points of view from an animal/creature instead of a humans. This was very short but it kept me interested.

I felt unwanted. my owner had left without me There should be a comma instead of the full stop.

After what seemed like an hour, I came to a big plate filled with something round and flat. Hhmmm.. you could have explained in detail how the rat (or whatever it is) actually got to the plate, I assumed the plate was on the floor because you did not say where it was.

The salty liquid made me gag. all of the sudden I think you mean "all of a sudden" and I don't think the full stop is needed here you could have wrote instead "The salty liquid made me gag and then all of a sudden..." Its just a suggestion you don't have to use it if you don't want to.

It was a wonderful site! *Ahem* Sight.

sunrize Just a small mistake, sunrise.

Who is Searria? :)

Good work,

-- Niobe.




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Sorry, those were my typos--except for 'sunrize'. (please don't be mad, Searria)

Searria is my 10-year-old sister. For some reason she can't join, so she's using my account. I'll have to put that on my profile.

~Jacquie~
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...waiting for a complement.


It's compliment... notice the i. These words are very different, so look them up.

The insult made me both comfused and melancholy.


I wouldn't use "melancholy." It sounds too awkward.

I felt unwanted. my owner...


J. Haux! Capitalization counts! ;)

Once again, cute story.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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That was different, but liked it. Telling it from the rat's perspective was really cool. Poor rat!! I felt for him...

This was a bit lacking in plot, but very well-written and detailed. Very unique, too; I havent seen any other stories that are written from the view of animal on YWS.
"I myself am composed entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."- Augusten Burroughs




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Well, other than a few typos, this is a really good story. It's not corny and it gets straight to the point. :)



How can I be king of the world? Because I am king of rubbish. And rubbish is what the world is made of.
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane