Gravity

Enormity
How I'm drawn to you.
How I used to love you, yet
you never loved me.

Am I mean?
Do you find my idiosyncrasies ugly?
Is my complexion only the hard make-up of what I try to cover up?
Or is it simply I'm not good enough?

I know what you are.
Behind the football pads and peach skin:
Your a liar.
I'm your anesthetic.
Your lies like the drug you use,
used to pull me in.
Undeniable gravity.

I can't take it anymore.
I'm not the man on the moon.
I'm not happy.

So I dare to say:
I'm not good enough.
___________________________ This to me, feels more like a spew of emotions put into poem form. Help?

It's a very interesting poem, I might say. I loved the first stanza, but the rest of it didn't make too much sense to me. It's probably because you're supposed to understand it, and that some poems are meant to be thought about to be deciphered.

I saw a few spelling and grammar errors, but other than replacing "your" for "you're," they don't stand out enough to be called upon.

Good job. Work on your spelling/punctuation, and keep writing. I might be looking forward to your next piece.

Hey there! I'm here to return a reviewing favor. First off, I agree with Sting that the first stanza is nice, although I'm not sure what you meant by enormity. You set yourself up nicely, but after that it kind of rambled on with no apparent structure. Not to say there wasn't one, but it wasn't very clear to me. I get what you want to say and everything, but your stanzas are somewhat awkward. :/ You go right from I question at the end of the second stanza to a statement at the beginning of the third, and it seems like you're starting another poem entirely.

Gah. I'm rambling. Anyway, PM me if you have any questions. That was a terrible review. >.<

Hello there, Herzing. Here to review your...'poem'. Oh dear. I'm going to be harsh, so just a warning.
This is not very poem-like. The stanzas are VERY awkward, composition is quite badly done, and it rambles on and on...boring. Nothing rhymes, nothing fits, I had no interest in this poem, Herzing. D:
Keep working on it. You'll get there. If you need any help, just PM me; I can either help or refer you to a good friend of mine...a real genius with poems.
Well, tata!
-Miss Mizz
And I'm sorry for my oh so harsh review. The truth needed to be said. Badly.

Hello!

I liked what you were getting at with this poem. I felt that you were trying to express this strong pull we all feel towards someone at one point or another in life, and how we know that the person is no good, yet somehow we just keep putting ourselves through that punishment of wanting them. At least that is how I read it.

I know what you are.
Behind the football pads and peach skin:
Your a liar.
I'm your anesthetic.
Your lies like the drug you use,
used to pull me in.
Undeniable gravity.

I got confused with the anesthetic part. I like the line, but I don't feel it fits. Maybe use it in a different direction? I love "undeniable gravity". Quite powerful.

The last stanza is good.

Like I said, I like what I feel the poem is trying to express, but I just got a bit confused on that one part.

Good luck!

Hey! I'm here to review. But sorry, I'm going to have to be harsh like Miss Mizz. This sounded like you grabbed as many big words as you could find and slapped them together. Look, some people can pull that off, but you just can't, darling. This also just... made no sense. I certainly hope you're not the Man in the Moon. Or a man...

Anyway, sorry to be harsh, but this isn't really worth your going back and fixing. I honestly don't mean to be mean. You have talent, why don't you try a short story?

--Dreamy

It was a nice, well based poem, but some of the metaphor can go a bit far. A nice way of describing your point though, in a brilliant representation. But some of it needed needed some better wording to give a better sense of rithem and flow. but generally, it had a nice steady pace.

This reminds me of an exercise that we did in my physics class... the question was whether it was gravity or love that drew people together. And yes, we did the force equation for gravity and whatnot. (If you're wondering: gravity is not sufficient enough to draw people together, so it must be love).

Anyway, as far as your poem goes, it looks like you're holding back some... ad that seems kind of a shame because this is your poem! Don't be afraid to let it all out... that's what poetry is for.

Good luck! And welcome to YWS!

Hello!

I have to say that it was the title of this that drew me in. But there wasn't much mention of Gravity in the actual poem. This was alright though. I liked it, I liked your metaphors with the gravity and love. It got me thinking which I think is what poetry is meant to do

There were a few grammatical mistakes but you can solve them with a quick proof-read.

Anyways, Well Done
Keep Writing
~Lydia

I agree with many of the other reviewers. You have good ideas, good emotions, they just got kind of lost in the poem. There wasn't an apparent structure. If you cleaned up the lines and put some sort of structure to it, I think you will have a great piece of work.