Foregone

I understand your pain,
after reading my last post,
this should feel like a rather great gain.

I'm informing you now,
for the bravest of us all,
I still will try, until I prevail again.

I wish you could see me,
how much thought I put in,
when inspiration fills my brain,

I guess I should stick to
what I am good at,
and I feel that this is not vain.
--------------------------
So tell me,
when I mess up,
when I fall short of quality.

Please tell me,
when I sound bad,
criticism is not hurting all of me.

Inform me,
when I need it,
even if my feelings are hurt.

Enlighten me,
if you see it,
then I might have a "poetic growth spurt".

I will try,
and try,
and try yet again.

I won't give up,
until I've found
a way to win.
--------------------------
Poetry,
is not symmetry,
nor is it calligraphy.

It's not made for perfection,
or deception,
so when you can, make a correction.

I wish for my writing to have better days,
so do what you can,
and I soon will earn your praise.

Aww, it sounds like you got a bad review! *snugs*

Well, first of all, this doesn't seem like narrative poetry at all. Narrative poetry is all about telling a story, so when you write this...well... it doesn't tell a story! So keep that in mind next time you post. Also, if you want me to move this, just give me a PM.

Now, as far as your poem goes, it looks like you're trying to "get back" at your critics, which is pretty awesome. Come on... every writer wants to do that sometime or another! The trick is, you have to get back at them properly! By explaining yourself at the very beginning and explaining the format that you've used and little symbols so they can follow along, that isn't really "getting back" at your critics.

I want you to read a poem that totally tears apart the critics.

viewpoetry.php?id=327

The first stanza is what the critics are essentially saying, and then he just slams them on every single point. No explanation, no author's note, just pure carnage. And I would like to see your poem more like that. Hit us where it hurts!

Thank you! And yes, I know it's in the wrong classification. I wanted to see how many people said that! <= i enjoy dancing.

Ack! I clicked the spoiler.

If you need to explain something to your readers, it's usually a sign that you're doing something not quite right. If someone went on and on to you about how your rhythm is off and how this is wrong and this is wrong, then it's their way of telling you that your didn't make it clear enough that that's the way it's supposed to be. Poems don't *always* need to have a consistent rhythm, though they often do. One such poem that makes an art of crazy line breaks and uneven rhythm is "she being Brand / -new" by E. E. Cummings. There you can see very clearly that the author meant to end the line where he did, and so you have no qualms about it. I can't remember the exact name of the poem, but it was talking about all these dead bodies, their heads smashed against rocks to make them stop moving, etc. The line breaks were such that you imagined human death when it turned out to be fishes being fished out of the river and killed on the spot. Take away the breaks, and it's obvious. Add them, and the breaks are all just in the right spot to lead you to believe something other than what it really is.

If you have that, then no one can dispute you.

Luck!

Okay, I loved this. And you have a good point. Critques can be very critical - but people are really trying to help, most of the time. I'm a really harsh critic because there's only so much time you can spend enthusing about something before the writer gets pig-headed. If everyone was like "Wow! That's amazing" whenever I posted, I'd have gotten very bigheaded and gone nowhere. As it is, I've grown as a writer because of the criticisms. That's not to say it didn't hurt, but it made such a big difference to my writing.

So... yes. You've expressed yourself well, if not quite as strong as I'd have liked to see. Even if someone is very critical, they should always say something positive.

Gold star for you, my dear. I love what you've done with this. Next time, don't just tell them, yell at them! People should at least have some element of "niceness". And any criticism that's not there to help the writer improve is just cruelty. So, come on, yell!

Hope I helped in a not-too-scary way...
~Grin

Hello!

Heh, you've reminded me how good it feels to write a snide, biting, supercilious poem or letter to some people for certain reasons. I think this poem could have been more passionate and full of spark and emotion. I'm not saying that it's not passionate, because it is. This poem has plenty of spirit. But you need to dwell on the passionate side of this rather than trying to rhyme it. Since, I am a somewhat unexperienced poet, I find that trying to rhyme my poems has me limiting the amount of words to describe my message and emotions.

Another thing, I found this poem rather repetitive. You say the same things again and again just using different words. Repetition in some cases is not bad, but try to keep it fresh and interesting, which of course is a challenge, since it's repetition. But if repetition causes your poem to become dull and boring, avoid it.

Overall, I think this poem has a lot potential. My favourite stanza?

I won't give up,
until I've found
a way to win.

I like your attitude!