woah. i guess so.

I like to write and write and the ground is ELECTRIC swear it has a current and there are a million little miles in-between the pen and the paper and all i need is the map.

This time of year i'm thinking i don't know
i'm blowing smoke
i'm glowing like a bulb

i walk a little further in-between our minds
i hope you don't mind
how far i am and have gone

drop me a line i can see
drop me a line i'll take too far
i've gone so far
and i wish upon the newest fad
i remember when curing cancer was the latest fashion
and in my latest fashion, i wish upon the stars that already went out

i add insults to my injurys
and salt in my wounds
so they never heal

i'd like to thank you for showing me
that i'm not as strong as i seem

sometimes all i have to think about
is the darkest shades of black
the empty space of where thoughts once were
and how my heart stopped when you stood up and never looked back

all i want to see
is all the colors bound together
all the happy hours rewound to now
all the frowns turned upside down

and time flies when you're having fun
and time stops for no man to get to know man
and i wait for someone else
to take my heart and take my hand

some days if feels like yesterday
in the way i feel like last night
bored and tired and alone
so long lonesome, this means war

sing to me too loud too long
so proudly tonight
and anything, everything
will join in or forever hold their pieces

as if i'm perfect
clearly i'm not
clearly i'm never enough for myself

i can't stand it
i can't stare myself down
i realize my real eyes are real lies
and all my thoughts and feelings go along

i took it all
hook, line, and sucker
say i might be crazy
but i'm sure i'm not insane

because when it comes down to it i only feel like screaming

i don't know where to run to when everywhere feels like home
i only know it's only cold when you sleep alone

I'm walking for miles on my broken feet
they've gone numb from the bitter cold
i step to the beat of my tired heart
it's old and worn and yours to hold
breathing in air i find too thin
and wishing i had nothing more than your hand in mine
there is nothing that will save you from my kind
i am just a husk of my former self
i find no shelter under trees or the sun
and it happens to be the sky that i fear, and it's limitless possibilities
i hang onto words like a life raft

darling coffee eyes
tell me all of your fucking lies
i kick myself every time i wake up
and you aren't next to me
dearly departed
you caught my in my slow dive
i told you how i felt
and you brushed it off like a spider on your shoulder
so i'll take my words back please
and my 8-legged soul
i'll leave the town i never got to visit

leave me a sign i will grow fond of over time
signals over the air and over the sea
they will linger in the back of your head
in the base of your skull
like the angels and demons on your shoulders
like the voices telling you to break the bonds you set yourself

if only my words can free you

i only lack the talents i would never think to use
i only lack the talents you find useful
it's too late to change anything
everything
to just float through life is unnatractive
and it's as if i hope for woe

woah

those words left my lips so fast they got caught in my throat
making it harder and harder to talk as time stops to catch up

Helloy Zenjoy,
I liked this poem more than the last one from you, thoough I liked them both.

Zenjoy wrote:and time flies when you're having fun
and time stops for no man to get to know man
and i wait for someone else
to take my heart and take my hand

didn't really get the second line. Men don't know each other as well because they can't stop time? I mean it makes sense, if you pause to think about it, but then you've lost the rhythm of the poem.
Besides that, great job. Keep writing poetry.
THe Unniverse
EDIT: ignore all my advice because Snoink the almighty puts me to shame
*bows*

i see what you mean

maybe:

"and time flies when you're having fun
and time stops when you need to run"

I actually really like that line that empress pointed out. I think it's clever. So definitely keep that!

First! A little question:

I'm walking for miles on my broken feet

Why is the I capitalized here and not anywhere else? It seems a bit weird!

(Also! As a side note, you should use good grammar in every post you make on YWS... unless it's poetry and supposed to be not grammatically correct. So capitialize your i's when you respond to people's comments!)

Now... the poem. The ending seemed to take a little bit long, as if you weren't sure how to end it. The wording became less clever and... yeah. It just seemed like you didn't know how to end it.

I would end it as such:

...

I'm walking for miles on my broken feet
they've gone numb from the bitter cold
i step to the beat of my tired heart
it's old and worn and yours to hold
breathing in air i find too thin
and wishing i had nothing more than your hand in mine
there is nothing that will save you from my kind
i am just a husk of my former self
i find no shelter under trees or the sun
and it happens to be the sky that i fear, and it's limitless possibilities
i hang onto words like a life raft

darling coffee eyes
tell me all of your fucking lies
i kick myself every time i wake up
and you aren't next to me
dearly departed
you caught my in my slow dive
i told you how i felt
and you brushed it off like a spider on your shoulder
so i'll take my words back please
and my 8-legged soul
i'll leave the town i never got to visit

leave me a sign i will grow fond of over time
signals over the air and over the sea
they will linger in the back of your head
in the base of your skull
like the angels and demons on your shoulders
like the voices telling you to break the bonds you set yourself

if only my words can free you

i only lack the talents i would never think to use
i only lack the talents you find useful
it's too late to change anything
everything
to just float through life is unnatractive
and it's as if i hope for woe

woah

those words left my lips so fast they got caught in my throat
making it harder and harder to talk as time stops to catch up

So it would end up looking like:

...

I'm walking for miles on my broken feet
they've gone numb from the bitter cold
i step to the beat of my tired heart
it's old and worn and yours to hold
breathing in air i find too thin
and wishing i had nothing more than your hand in mine
there is nothing that will save you from my kind
i am just a husk of my former self
i find no shelter under trees or the sun
and it happens to be the sky that i fear, and it's limitless possibilities
i hang onto words like a life raft

if only my words can free you

It just seems nicer to me.

Still, I enjoyed it! Thanks for posting it.

Ha,
Snoik, you caught the right faultline between the styles in the poem. I think Zenjoy is very much into music, some types of pop, alternative rock and possibly punk. I think it's these matrixes that shape her emotions into the metaphores which spring up as text.
Yes, the rhythm is uneven, because we the readers don't hear the aditional dimention - the acompanying music, which the author felt as she wrote. But in a song abrupt changes of tempo, the jump from verse to chorus, the interplay of words and just sounds which rhyme - all that doesn't necessarily take away.
Personaly I found super charming that little play on being brushed off like a spider and having an eight legged soul. /an angst poem by a young Peter Parker no less /
The deamons and wizards on the shoulder did look grafted into the flow like a foreign body though.
Good stuff Zenjoy