Nature's Two Hands

Nature's Two Hands

A satisfied sigh is all I want
from cool whispers of the wind whisking
upon the calm lush leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a lively green

It is telling me you’ve got to calm
take a deep breath and lie on the hill
shaped of mere dirt carved into a lump
It is all made by nature’s two hands

It's telling me: climb that stately tree
and feel that cool whisper of the wind
join those velvety, flickering leaves
It is all made by nature’s two hands

It said: Watch the open blue sky laugh
wait until clear white tears come falling
from the enormous puffy, milky clouds
It is all stuffed by nature’s two hands

Race across the field where green grass grow
feel the sprouting tenderness stroke the
souls of your delicate prance of feet
It's all tended by nature's two hands

Feel the icy tears drop on your face
from a journey miles from the sky
feel all that glorious, radiant
work all crafted by nature's two hands

A satisfied sigh is all I want
from cool whispers of the wind whisking
upon the calm lush leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a lively green

Hey Joy! I did tell you I would look at your stuff? No?

I want to point out something to you! Look how many adjectives you have!

A satisfied sigh is all I want
from cool whispers of the wind whisking
upon the calm lush leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a lively green

It is telling me you’ve got to calm
take a deep breath and lie on the hill
shaped of mere dirt carved into a lump
It is all made by nature’s two hands

It's telling me: climb that stately tree
and feel that cool whisper of the wind
join those velvety, flickering leaves
It is all made by nature’s two hands

It said: Watch the open blue sky laugh
wait until clear white tears come falling
from the enormous puffy, milky clouds
It is all stuffed by nature’s two hands

Race across the field where green grass grow
feel the sprouting tenderness stroke the
souls of your delicate prance of feet
It's all tended by nature's two hands

Feel the icy tears drop on your face
from a journey miles from the sky
feel all that glorious, radiant
work all crafted by nature's two hands

A satisfied sigh is all I want
from cool whispers of the wind whisking
upon the calm lush leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a lively green

That's a lot of adjectives, no? Now, see what happens when we take them all out.

A sigh is all I want
from whispers of the wind whisking
upon the leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a green

It is telling me you’ve got to calm
take a breath and lie on the hill
shaped of dirt carved into a lump
It is all made by nature’s two hands

It's telling me: climb that tree
and feel that whisper of the wind
join those leaves
It is all made by nature’s two hands

It said: Watch the sky laugh
wait until tears come falling
from the clouds
It is all stuffed by nature’s two hands

Race across the field where grass grow
feel the sprouting tenderness stroke the
souls of your prance of feet
It's all tended by nature's two hands

Feel the tears drop on your face
from a journey miles from the sky
feel all that
work all crafted by nature's two hands

A sigh is all I want
from whispers of the wind whisking
upon the leaves of a tree
that’s blushing itself a green

Kind of weird right?

This is a sign that you're probably using too many adjectives! Too often (especially in poetry) writers will use lots and lots of adjectives in poetry to make it sound pretty when, in reality, it's best to not use as many adjectives and use strong verbs and nouns instead. This doesn't make adjectives bad, of course. You just don't want to rely solely on them.

Good luck with your poem!

Also, best not add any polls to your poems and stories... mean people like me will rate it the worst when, really, it's not that bad. I just hate seeing polls on any of the literary topics.

(Holy cow) Gee; thanks Snoink! I see your point there, and it makes a lot of sense. I'll watch out for my use of adjectives the next time I write a poem. Thanks for helping me out!

Oh, and thanks (again) for the poll suggestion.

--
Joy

This poem is really something.
Thank you for relaxing my poor bloodshot eyes with a calm, relaxing piece of poetry. This is most definitely lyrical.

writingjoy wrote:It said: Watch the open blue sky laugh
wait until clear white tears come falling
from the enormous puffy, milky clouds
It is all stuffed by nature’s two hands

Stuffed with adjectives by nature's two hands
This ^ was my favorite stanza, not including the first and last, which are awesome because I love full-circle endings.
Polls do irk me slightly as well, though I gave you five starz.

writingjoy wrote:Feel the icy tears drop on your face

I know you meant you as in one, like one's face, but as the rest of this poem is in first person, you should probably stick with that.
And that's all the critique I have. Great job.