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Hi there!

Everyone in town knew old mister Crowford.

I would nix mister as it seems useless there. You really don’t need it to tell us Crowford is a man for your next sentence would prove that. And it sounds slightly childish.

He was a sad but amiable man of sixty five, he worked in the local branch of the post office, and knew all his customers by name.

Turn your first comma into a period.

"Good morning miss Ramirez," he would say in his soft voice and comment on her blouse or her new scarf. He knew that Ramirez needed the encouragement at her attempts of post menopause attractiveness.

This should be its own paragraph as your character is speaking. Also, I would capitalize miss for it’s a…not exactly sure what it would be called. A title?

"Good afternoon mister Nolan," he would nod and and add something about the state of the pavements. He knew that Nolan was the chairman of a citizen's committee for dignified life.

You got a second, unneeded and in there Also, Capitalize he so it reads:

"Good afternoon Mister Nolan.” He would nod…Yes, capitalize mister too.

It was, after all, the anniversary of the terrible accident.

What accident? You never did mention what happened to his wife.

He put the sign, went out, locked the door, buttoned up his overcoat, and got into his tiny Volkswagen.

He put “up” the sign. Forgot a word

"Mustn't be late," he muttered to himself as always, darting glances at his old styled wristwatch. He was never late.

This should be its own paragraph for the character is speaking. Why couldn't he be late?

"I missed you so much," said Henry, kissing her eyes.

Kissing her eyes? How did he manage to do that?

~~~~~~

This was a slightly sad story Yet is was quite intriguing to read.

At first, the way you were writing it, I thought it was in First Person and the narrator was telling the story of Crawford and was going to follow him or something. Perhaps you could slightly alter the way you begin it or something to make it seem more Third Person.

When a character speaks, always start a new paragraph. You didn’t do that here so defiantly correct those

Descriptions good and it is a short story so I can’t exactly comment on the characters. All in all ,a simple little story. Where did you get the idea for it anyways? Just curious.

Not one of my most helpful of reviews

Meadow

Hello Napal! This story was just alright. I had a lot of questions when I first read it through, and there were a lot things that did not add up.
First, why is this in fantasy fiction? Nothing about this story seems remotely out of the ordinary. A few other comments I had:

What is the point of this story? I could understand what message you were trying to convey (that even very successful people can throw their lives away to drugs), but the rest of it didn't add up. We don't know why Mr. Crowford is taking drugs. He has a lot of friends and a wife that loves him. Try to go to in a little bit more detail:

On your use of abbreviations - the only one that people typically spell out is Miss. Mister is almost never spelled out. Also, they abbreviations are capitalized. So, it would be Mr. Crowford, Miss Ramirez, and Mr. Nolan.

Why do you even mention Miss Ramirez and Mr. Nolan? They don't have any lines of dialogue, and only interaction they have with the main character is a simple 'Hello'. If you want these to be fully developed characters, give them reason to be in the story. Are they the only ones who know about Mr. Crowford's secret? Since November 23rd is coming, are they going to try to stop them? This would also add conflict to your story, which you don't really have at the moment. Otherwise, if you weren't planning on giving them any other role, you are better dropping them.

I do have one last point to make, and that is about the voice in which you wrote your story. The first part reads like an obituary (a newspaper column honoring the recently deceased), telling abut how Mr. Crowford was loved and respected. Then your voice rapidly changes into a regular narrative flow. I'm alright with either one, just be consistent!

That is all I have for right now. As I mentioned in my third point, this story was potential for some real interesting characters and a plot! It just needs some revision, but that's alright! This only your first draft, so don't expect to get it perfect!
PM me if you have any questions!