He's perfect. THe perfect man has come into my life. But there's a twist, he's not what I've always wanted, for inside him, a monster is growing. A beast within a beast. Not the kind in horror film, but the real kind. The kind you think you love, but they turn on you. And now I bid you goodbye, as I tell you what happened to me just a few years ago, it all started in a small town called FostersVille.
Last edited by Cassie9960 on Wed Nov 25, 2009 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Don't bother with the prologue... just dive right into the story. It'll be better, honest.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.
"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach
No, not at all. I don't like it one bit. Not in a harsh, cut-you-down-to-your-knees kinda way but a don't-write-dumb-short-prologues kinda way. You know what? Scratch all of that because I'm coming off to be a B-word. Okay, next time you want to write a short prologue for us, don't. It seems 'Beauty and the Beast-ish' and that isn't so good. Jump into the story, post and then we will be able to tell you if your inner-beast story is any good. So far, it seems rather boring and cliche-ish. Ya know?
Okay, no rudeness intended what-so-ever. But I'm simply trying to help. So I hope I did?
Thanks everyone except RENA!!!! I don't think I'll continue my story, my spirits were kind of crushed. For everyone who actually wanted to read this story, it was going to be about a girl who falls in love with this man and she thinks hes perfect for her. But after a few months he turns abusive. And he says that if she breaks up with him he'll kill her. My story was supposed to be really good too. But my spirits were crushed by RENA!!! :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
You really shouldn't let negative comments affect you like that. YWS is a place where you post your work and have people give their opinions on it, which they're entitled to! I don't think Rena meant to 'crush' you, she was simply giving you her opinion and it's your choice whether you take that on board or ignore it and do your own thing. I really don't think you should stop writing a story just because of one negative critic, everyone else seemed to like it and I think it sounds good too!
"Do you know what my heart says now? It says that I should forget about politics and be with you. No matter what. You're a true Queen, a Queen any King would kill for." - Prince Francis ♕
“Rise like Lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number.
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you—
Ye are many—they are few.” — Mary Shelly
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