Martyr of Banality (about wanting to implode...)

Trying to slit my throat with a pin
But look where it’s getting me.

All that came of my dowsing with death
Was the feeling of a knife in my stomach
And the fear to keep me from the drugs that I need
Adding pain to more pain
To more fear to more fear.

All would be over and done with
Had I the guts to slit my throat
And hang myself out to bleed
Until I am nothing but a pale carcass
On a Monday morning.

And why is there no one to kiss my thighs better
When they are open and bleeding and raw?
To lick the blood from the wounds on my breasts
That shall never fade in my heart.

Why is there no one to tell me I’ll be fine
No God I can turn to in need?
But I am just like so many girls
Alone and restricted and dumb.

One day one of us shall find her way out
And heads shall shake
And voices shall say:
“Just yet another martyr of banality…”

…

Don’t tell me I’m crazy I already know
At night I dream I am drowning in fear.

Cutting myself to pieces
Like there is no tomorrow
Should I go play cricket in the mines?

Shall I offer my soul for adoption
And flee from the city calls that are pressing me in?

But what am I of the world?
Just what they call another martyr to banality
Yet another name on a list
Of so many dead
From the fear that revolves round my head.

This is the end of my life as I know it.

Full of feeling and you make the reader feel sorry for you.

I'm sorry if this poem is true...

Is that meant to be a good comment or bad one?

I didn't ask for critique on my life. Poems are words. Just read the words.

Errr, sorry.

It's a good comment. This was greatly written, and I really liked the last line, it wrapped up the poem pretty well.

Well done, good work.

That's more like it! Thanks for that - didn't know what angle you were coming from (hoped it wasn't the "SEE A PSYCHIATRIST NOW!" angle lol...)

Lol, no.

Ah good. Some people can be hellova mean about this sort of thing. Last time I batted an eyelid there was Cornwall Rape and Sexual Abuse after me!! Had to apologise like crazy to get myself out of that one lol! Maybe I should start toning things down. Write about a fish.

Good idea.

Ok just you wait for this one. The fish is coming to town!!

With Santa? And a Fairy?

Nein. Mit OBESITY!

WOW. thats incredibly sad. you have a great voice. this has great emotion, its so raw and truthful and heartfelt. awesome imagery too. dangit, the whole poems awesome! seriously, this is really powerful.

umm.. i dont mean to sound like a ditz, but what does martyr mean? and banality? its probably pathetic that i dont know but plz telll me because it would help me understand the poem better.

oh ya and id love to see your fish poem too

I don't think it's my place to tell you what the words mean. This is why God invented the Oxford English Dictionary...
Not being rude but I hate people who don't look stuff up!! GRRRRAAARRR!

Ok ok. A martyr is someone who dies as like a sacrifice, or for their beliefs. It's what suicide bombers think they are. And banality is boringness and zzzzzzzzzzzzzness

I don't have much of a critique for this. Nothing really jumped out at me except for:

Why is there no one to tell me I’ll be fine
No God I can turn to in need?
But I am just like so many girls
Alone and restricted and dumb.

In the last line, the word "dumb" seems out of place. My mind immediately replaced it with "numb" and it worked much better (at least for me). I'm not sure if that still fits what you wanted to say with that line, but I just thought I'd drop in and mention it.

Other than that, I actually enjoyed this, though I don't generally like things of this subject.

Thanks
I meant to say dumb because it means 2 things : stupid + unable to speak... but numb isn't the right word. Sorry!
Glad you enjoyed it!