Why i Write

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I write for the same reason i breath
If I didn't I would die
Without words to express myself
Life's a broken winged bird that can't fly

I write down my soul word for word
I write things I could never say
without this method of expression
I would cry everyday

I try to forget all the regret
Or else life is mine to miss
Without saying what I truly feel
Then I'll always stay like this

So I write for the same reason I breath
it's so that bird can fly up to the sky
I need to rise higher and higher
And finally stop asking why
Last edited by darthmaul1001 on Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:09 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Oof! Can you say proofread?!
Here I go...

I write for the same reason I breath.
If I didn't, I would die.
Without words to express myself,
Life would be a broken winged bird that can't fly. I would change 'life is a' to the bolded.

I write down my should word for word This line doesn't make sense to me!
I write things I could never say.
without this method of expression,
I would cry everyday

I try to forget all the regret,
Or else life is mine to miss
Without saying what I truly feel
Then I'll always stay like this.This line doesn't make sense to me either.
So I write for the same reason I breath.
It'sso that bird can fly up to the sky.
I need to rise higher and higher
And finally stop asking why.Your last four lines were the only I truly liked!

Overall, I really think you should proofread, and you also need to add punctuation. Just because it is a poem, doesn't mean it doesn't deserve periods!
Now, your poem was meaninful, and written somewhat okay. What your saying makes sense, it just bored me a little...
Like I said before, the last four lines are the only I liked. Watch out on YWS, and anywhere else: readers will not want to read if they instantly spot issues!
Hope I helped!
~Classy




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sorry i was in a rush im gonna fix it lol , it should say soul not should




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Ha, I am glad you went back to fix it. Editing only takes a second!
~Classy




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lol me too im mostly happ that u decided to help tho its greatly appreiated (:




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OOhh if you wouldnt mind could you go under Lyrical Peotry and read my newest post called The Eyes of an Angel? i f you could i would be verry happy THANKS!!




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I have just one quick suggestion.
A broken winged bird that can't fly
is redundant.
I think you should shorten it to
A broken winged bird




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I like this poem so much and I really really agree with you, I feel this way myself! Only question is the "broken winged bird" analogy (sounds like Hughes' "Dreams"), I don't really mind, just wonder if some would think you copied.... (though I know you probably didn't). Other than that, I think this is a very good piece.




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Hello, Darth Maul! Allow me to review your very excellent poem. I read it through and I absolutley loved it! The content was perfect, and it kept me hooked from beginning to end. However, you did have alot of grammatical errors, which I think everyone else pointed out. I'm sorry I couldn't write a longer review, but I couldn't find anything that wasn't already said. Always make sure to look over your work before you post it. Reading aloud helps alot, too.

PM if you have questions.

All our dreams can come true — if we have the courage to pursue them.

-- Walt Disney




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Hi :)
I think you have really good metaphors in this poem, and it might actually work better without the rhyme scheme, since some of the rhymes sound a little stretched and you would be able to work in the words that you really want to say.
Just a note: breath is a noun, you want to use breathe.
World enough, and time



It's a pity the dictionary has only one definition of beauty. In my world, there are 7.9 billion types of it- all different and still beautiful.
— anne27