What I've Become

Lucifer · 2005-10-24T07:11:48Z

Hi I'm new to this site. Anyway here's my story: What I've Become The handle of the knife feels good in my hand as I creep silently along the hallway. I will make her pay. Hate fills every fiber of me. The years of repressed rage at her injustice have carved me into something inhuman. I hate every bit of her stinking Christian body. I imagine what it will feel like to kill her. What it will feel like to sink my blade into her yielding flesh. Cutting open her chest and shoving my hand in to squeeze her beating heart between my fingers. Slicing open her belly, ripping out handfuls of intestines. Fucking her with my knife; shoving the steel blade between the soft folds of her cunt. I shiver with anticipation. She’ll wish she had never tried to impose her pathetic control over me. Forcing me to go to church every Sunday. Making me sit through the pastor’s two hour sermons on our “friend” in heaven. I never believed any of that shit. Where was my “friend” when I was strapped for listening to a secular radio station, when I was strapped by a complete stranger for running in church. Where was my “friend” when— With a shake of my head, I return to the present. I’m almost at her door. I hear the sounds of her breathing. I’m so nervous I’m shaking. I sink the knife into the palm of my hand. Blood spurts. The pain eases my nervousness. I lick my hand clean. I open the door to my mother’s room. I quietly move over to her bed. This is it. I hesitate for a moment, then twist my fingers into her thick hair, wrenching her head back, exposing her neck. Her eyes open, she looks at me, uncomprehensive at first. Then as realization hits, fear fills her eyes. I bring the blade of the knife down on her neck. It doesn’t penetrate. I push harder. It’s blunt. My mother is struggling now. Frustrated, I reverse my grip on the knife and stab down again, this time using the point. It slides in with sickening ease, prompting a fountain of blood to spurt. I lower my lips to the wound, sucking my mother’s hot blood into my mouth. The bitch is struggling harder now. Finally she gets an angle and drives a hard elbow into my balls. Gasping in pain, I stagger back into the wall, sliding down it. My mother struggles to her feet, stumbling toward the dresser where she keeps a gun. My mind goes numb. I lunge for her. I’m knocked back by the force of three bullets that slam into my chest. My eyes are dimming. I see red matter on my hand, I realize it’s my blood. I slump to the ground with life ebbing out of me. Just before my vision goes dark I see my mother collapse on the floor. I’m taking her with me.

Jennafina

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Thu Oct 27, 2005 2:37 pm

Jennafina says... · Thu Oct 27, 2005 2:37 pm

I'm BACK!!!

Here's my edit of your edit..

I see dark red matter on my hand, I realize it’s my blood. I slump to the ground with life ebbing out of me. Just before my vision goes dark I see my mother collapse on the floor.

Now you said dark twice!!

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Lucifer

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Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:38 pm

Lucifer says... · Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:38 pm

I'll fix that thanks.

Holding pasts in ash black earth
Bound by roots
Roots into sand
Grow towards the giver

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Lucifer

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Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:15 pm

Lucifer says... · Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:15 pm

I'm going to move this up.

Holding pasts in ash black earth
Bound by roots
Roots into sand
Grow towards the giver

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Lucifer

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Wed Nov 02, 2005 9:52 pm

Lucifer says... · Wed Nov 02, 2005 9:52 pm

Bump yet again.

Holding pasts in ash black earth
Bound by roots
Roots into sand
Grow towards the giver

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Crayon

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Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:59 am

Crayon says... · Fri Nov 04, 2005 12:59 am

Wow....thats all i can say...I'm in the middle of a class and my teachers watching what i'm reading so i kinda had to run through it pretty quick buts still it sounds great as is...... :elephant:

Trying to survive "sweet sixteen."
---
<love> is sweet -suicide- and {[you]} are my LATEST a.t.t.e.m.p.t

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Lucifer

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Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:06 pm

Lucifer says... · Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:06 pm

What's with the dancing elephant?

Holding pasts in ash black earth
Bound by roots
Roots into sand
Grow towards the giver

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Sureal

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Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:54 pm

Sureal says... · Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:54 pm

I'm not sure I like the whole raping her cunt with a knife part - not because it's violent/explicit, but because I have a certain distaste for adding sex into a story just because, especially when sex doesn't really fit the mood of the story (Steven King does this so many times... it annoys the hell outta me).

Other than that though, this is good (if a touch on the short side)

.

I wrote the above just for you.

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Lucifer

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Thu Nov 10, 2005 9:44 pm

Lucifer says... · Thu Nov 10, 2005 9:44 pm

It never actually happens though. It's just something that the character would like to do to her. Also I never add stuff just because.

Holding pasts in ash black earth
Bound by roots
Roots into sand
Grow towards the giver

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concertchick16

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Fri Nov 11, 2005 6:22 am

concertchick16 says... · Fri Nov 11, 2005 6:22 am

i dont like that part either
because it makes him seem as if he wants to have sexual illusions with his mother
that distracts from the story and doesn't even fit.

i love the ending though
proves how messed up he really is

"no, i don't hate you, don't wanna fight you, know i'll always love you but right now i just don't like you..."

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Snoink

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Fri Nov 11, 2005 9:25 am

Snoink says... · Fri Nov 11, 2005 9:25 am

Mia wrote:So.........this guy went absolutely mental all because his mother made him go to church?

Hehe, it would be funny if he did. XD

Kind of creepy but... not really. Like Mia said, it's a mite unrealistic. And he never does what he imagines. I was wondering how his mom would respond to that... XD

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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Tazy

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Mon Nov 14, 2005 2:50 am

Tazy says... · Mon Nov 14, 2005 2:50 am

I dont know what to say other than um interesting

Just belive and you will acheive!

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Duskglimmer

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Wed Nov 16, 2005 5:48 am

Duskglimmer says... · Wed Nov 16, 2005 5:48 am

Um... *looks for the smilie she made once that said "this was sick and twisted"* *stops as she realizes that the author probably knows that already and how unhelpful that comment would be*

um... right...

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching.

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