Resounding Beauty

This is a homework assignment. We had to write a descriptive writing piece without a plot about a postcard that we were given. Here's mine, it is due tomorrow. Thanks.

Sorry it's so short.
***

Resounding Beauty
The trees bow and dance, shedding their summer coat. One leaf, blood red, slowly drifts over to an old mill house where a girl rests lazily on the steps.
She looks up, and swiftly plucks the leaf from the air. Rubbing it in her fingertips, she relishes in the bitter sweet smell. Sighing, she stands, placing her hand on the damp and moldy railing.
The old floorboards creak under her slight weight as she hops off of the porch. Her eyes flicker around; taking in the scene around her. The breeze sings to her from above, and she laughs, her voice ringing in harmony with the song. The creek, the heart of the mill, adds its rumbling hum to the tune.
Still laughing, she darts along the rocky ground to the small stream. She breathes in deeply letting the bitter autumn air fill her lungs. . She exhales, as the wind whips her hair around her face.
Her feet move in an enchanting rhythm as she follows the stream to where it empties its self into a small lake, where the water gently laps at an old dead stump. Rotting, it feeds the smaller ones in this world in a never ending cycle. A corpse of a thing, this stump is a small taste of the beauty that once was.
And still is.

Poem, This is good. I can imagine the fall scenery but I don't know what the girl looks like or the mill house, not really. It would make it longer if you described them also, instead of just the scenery. Also: ". . She exhales, as the wind whips her hair around her face." There are two periods before she, there should be only one.

~peanut~

Okay, I'll give you nitpicks, since if this is due tomorrow you probably aren't going to have time to rewrite major parts of it. Quick review, then.

she relishes in the bitter sweet smell.

This would work better as "she relishes its bittersweet smell". And yes, "bittersweet" is one word.

hops off of the porch.

You should scratch the "of".

Her eyes flicker around;

That's an awkward phrase. How about this? Her eyes flit around. It's better, since "flicker around" isn't grammatically correct, but you can choose another synonym if you like.

She breathes in deeply letting the bitter autumn air

There should be a comma after "deeply", IMO, and you've already used "bitter". In a piece as short as this, you can't afford to repeat words.

She exhales, as the wind whips her hair around her face.

Either cut the comma, or replace the "as" with an "and".

to where it empties its self

But the stream doesn't really empty itself in there, because otherwise it'd be dry. Just use "flows". If you don't do that, at least change "its self" to "itself", which is the correct spelling.

Okay, that's it for nitpicks.

As a description, this isn't bad, but it's a bit boring. Even in description, some conflict can be introduced. You hint at it in the description of a "blood red" leaf, which I like, but there can be more phrases like that. Description can suggest a storyline, and beauty is a great topic to expand on.

It's not bad, and you've created the atmosphere you were going for really well, but I don't think you made the most of it. However, it might help to see the postcard you were describing. Unless, of course, your teacher won't see that, in which case it would be better to leave it.

Anyway, hope this helped.

- Jet.