Friends are never what they seem

A broken heart
The tears start to fall.
there's no stopping it
sorrow my heart befalls

Lets be friends
You'll move on
my heart is torn
stepped upon

The other girl
the beginning and end
we shared a life,
I called you my friend.

The premise of this poem is excellent, I think that vote should be unanimous. I just didn't really understand the structure of this poem. Was it supposed to be a conversation, or just sentence fragments? I'm lost.

Hey, hey! What's up? This was a very good poem, but reading through it, see you need to work on your grammar.

Starleene wrote:A broken heart.
The tears start to fall.
You will never know
Hidden pain.

Lets be friends.
How about not?
We were good together,
Not apart.

And the last paragraph was good.

Red stands for edits, green stands for revisions.
PM me if you have any questions.

The poem is really good because I think many people would be able to relate to what you are trying to convey.
The most irksome thing was probably "How 'bout not", it really broke up the flow of the poem for me.

Starleene wrote:perfection in your eyes
in mine I see
A backstabbing friend

I enjoyed reading this part as it really stood out to me. Although, the line above it "Another girl" felt out of place to me personally.
(:

Howdy, Adam is here to review a cute little poem

1.

How 'bout not

Ok, please look at changing this! Even if it is only to "how 'bout no" to restore the rhythm tot he poem.

2. I feel that this poem could really benefit from some rhyme to produce more of a flow, if you dont want a flow then you could throw in the odd ryhm just to create some more poetic interest.

3. I did like this poem! One part that I feel is really good is the overall story line with you reflecting on a troubled friendship. With a bit of work it could be great...