Beautiful Things

Hello everyone, so this is the first piece of poetry I have ever written, I'm not even sure if it's considered poetry. Anyway here it is, hope you like it. Please review, just want to know how I did Thanks
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Beautiful Things

She is sitting in a corner, waiting for the day to end.

Wondering how could she continue one more day, one more hour, one more minute.

She can be so much, but she won’t let herself be , because she decides to be no one.

She wants it all to end.

She wants to sleep forever, dreaming all the beautiful things she once had inside her head.

Inside her imagination.

Things she believed in, fairy tales she thought she was a part of.

But now it’s all gone.

Her dreams were broken by someone she loved.

Were broken by herself.

And she will never be the same.

She breaths heavily, so the tears won’t fall down her face,

Because if they start they will never stop.

She just wants to be ignored by the world, what good could the world give to her now?

It’s too late.

She imagines beautiful things that seem impossible, and are always stroke by a lighting of darkness.

When will it end?

Will it ever?

She closes her eyes and prays for it to stop.

She just sits there, waiting for the sadness to go away,

Waiting for the day to end.

Hey. I would just like to say that I really enjoyed your poem. It is very, very impressive for your first attempt. I enjoyed practically everything, the message, the voice. I do have a few nitpicks, though.

She is sitting in a corner, waiting for the day to end.

It should be: She sits in a corner, waiting for the day to end.

Wondering how could she continue one more day, one more hour, one more minute.

If you want the two sentences to be separate, then you should write "she wonders" instead of wondering. If you want to keep what you have for the sentence sentence, replace the period at the end of the first with a comma.

She can be so much, but she won’t let herself be ,

Shouldn't be a space between the 'be' and the comma.

because she decides to be no one.

She wants to sleep forever, dreaming all the beautiful things she once had inside her head.

Replace the period with a dash.

Inside her imagination.

Because if they start they will never stop.

Because, if they start, they will never stop.


That's it! Great Job! PM Me if you have any questions

Hi!!
It is very good for being a first attempt (mine sucked.lol) I like it; it practically tells us a story. It's interesting how you got to transmit the feelings and create the image of the girl, trying hard not to cry but still broken up inside.

You had some very few issues with the punctuatuon but they were already pointed out, so what's the point of me doing it again?

Awesome job, and I hope you continue writing.

Pudin

Awesome!! My first poem sucked so congrats! I love how you started it off. I feel like as I grow older I don't want to have nothing to do with the world. *Emo Comment* Anyway I enjoyed this poem so much. Keep writing. Your work is awesome.
Best Wishes Jay

Hi there!

Ok, so my biggest problem with this poem is that it sounds a little like prose. Part of that it because of the generally non-poetic language used, and part of that is because of the weirdly long lines. The long lines are easy to sort out: just split them up in an appropriate place and you'll be fine. The poetic language is also pretty easy. Instead of making everything very clear and obvious to the reader, why not use some imagery in there instead? Why not make the poem triply as interesting by making it less obvious, but still managing to keep the meaning of the poem there.

PM me with questions!

~Amy