Young Writers Society

So we all know that telling is bad and showing is good, right? There have been like a thousand articles posted on this in the Writing Tips forum. But, reading about it and actually doing it are two different things. So let's practice!

Here's a really good article by CastlesInTheSky if you're still not sure how to show and not tell:
topic41911.html


This is how the game will work. The first person gives a sentence that is telling, the person under them takes that same sentence, and make it showing. It's okay if you're telling sentence turns into more than one showing sentence. Just try not to go too overboard.
Here's an example:

Person One: The dog clearly wanted to go outside.

Person Two: The young lab pawed at the door, whimpering softly. His owner took one look at him and sighed, going back to the comic in the newspaper. The lab began to paw and scratch harder, leaving marks on the door frame.

Easy enough?


Here's the first sentence:
"Lucille was extremely annoyed at her little sister."

Oh wow, I was just about to create this game yesterday, I swear! I ended up chickening out though xD I'm glad you did though...

As Lucille turned to face the door, she flung her sister's hands away and quickly smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress. "Now's not the time to act like a baby, Alice."

Next:
"John hated going to school."

Most kids hate going to school because it's boring and long. John wasn't like most kids, he hated going to school because of his teacher. Every day when he walked into his classroom his hands would immediately feel clammy and a cold sweat went down is back as his teacher looked at him with a creepy smile and hard, uncaring eyes.


"The day couldn't be worse."

Reply:
I stood outside my mini red cooper staring into the window. I could see my shiny keychain and cell phone through the glass. I sighed. Then, above my head I heard the crack of thunder. The rain first came in small drops then, in the next minute, I was completly soaked. On top of all this i thought about my english essay that my little brother flushed down the toilet while playing army men: survive.

Next:
From the doorway the sun made me warm and happy.

Reply:
She opened the door and felt the hot rays of the sun on her skin. They caressed her as she was held still by the hypnotic beams. She smiled as she gazed over the lake, remembering the night before.

Next:
Darren longed for something to eat.

Darren gaped at the inside of his refrigerator. Milk. Water. Jam. Hot Sauce. His stomach roared and he clutched at the empty spaces where bread, meat, cheese, fruit and vegetables should have been. His mind swam with visions of dancing roast beef and a congo line of chicken wings.

Next:
Sally was sad about her dead dog.

It was like a black hole had come into her very being, every since he had died. Don't think about him, think about something else, she told herself, but it was useless. Nothing could erase the sight of Pookie lying there, stiff and unmoving.
"Oh, Pookie," she sniffed, a tear going down her cheek.

Next:
Nobody ranted like Red.

((Sorry for posting on what appears to be a dead thread.))

Reply: "What the heck are you doing?!" Red shouted at her. "You have no common sense, you fool! Do you have any idea how much we've worried over you? How much your mother cried over you?! No! So don't give me any of this namby-pamby wishy-washy nonsense about you wanting us to forgive you! Now get out of my sight, you filthy blockhead!"

Next: Suzanne was bored.

Suzanne smiled half-heartedly at her date, Will, who would not stop staring. Pushing a napkin around her plate, glazen eyes wandering listlessly about the room, she tried to remember why the hell she'd agreed to this in the first place.

Next: Dan felt rage bubbling up inside him.

Dan stood frozen just staring at Alain. Inside hot blood rushed through his veins.
"Just,chill. It's okay," she said trying to place her hand on his shoulder.
He quickly stepped back. "Don't touch me!" He lashed out. He frantically ran his hand through his hair. "I hate you, okay? I hate you!"

Next: He felt alone in hte world.

He gazed at the children playing, the couples kissing, and the friends teasing. He realized he didn't have any of that. Slumped back on his bench with his eyes closed, he tried to swallow the swelling lump in his throat.

Ermm...
Sophie desperately wanted to reach that jar of cookies.

Sophie reached her hand up to the tall shelf, seeing the red cookie jar that she desperately wanted to reach, but her mother made sure she had no access to the jar.
Next-
Mackenzie looked at her writing notebook.

All she wanted to do was write. The crinkled pages with stains from some long-ago spilled coffee; the frantic black scribbles of many stories; and the red cover stenciled with wings. She stared wistfully at her notebook, longing to set pen to paper and write the idea that had been stalking her mind all day. But she knew that it was more than her life's worth to get caught not paying attention in Ms. Spencer's class.

Next: They kissed passionately.

(Sorry if I'm not doing this right! )

Although Anna was reluctant, the moment that Dillan went in for a kiss, Anna changed her mind instantly. She somehow realized it was right to be with him, so she kissed back, and although she never beleived in love before, she knew that this was all it could be, so the passion flowed between them.

Woah, that's the most femenine paragraph I've ever written. Woah.

NEXT: Ed threw the baseball.

He gripped its hard, rough leather in his hand, running his fingers over the red threading. The wind ruffled his hair as he drew back his arm. His muscles stretched taut. He leaned back farther and farther until - suddenly - he whipped his arm forward! The baseball soared, whistling, through the air. The crowd watched it with bated breath, then erupted in cheers. The batter struck out - Ed had made the winning pitch of the game.

Next: She was exstatic she was going to get to see him again.