Genetics

Half him and half her course through my veins
They are there

My hair, my blood, my short fingernails
They are me

Although I am both, there is but one I want to be:
Me

I'm afraid I don't understand the poem well.

Half him and half her? By that you mean your mom and dad right? And it's too short to be sweet sorry. I think you should go a little more in depth with this poem. I think you should just take out the parents and instead focus more on you. Like say your genetics make you who you are and no new trend or peer pressure could change that. So you can still express that you're going to be yourself but just in a different way.

There's not much to review so that's all I could really say.

I understand what you were trying to get, you wanted a short simple poem that went straight to the point. Sometimes it works but in this case, either you need to change it up a bit or just elaborate and forget the short part. It can still be simple and maybe a few more verses can still be considered short.

I have to agree with kaiden, sorry. This poem is really too small and generic to say anything. The problem is not the length, but rather that it is so unspecific. We don't know anything about the protagonist other than a vague desire to be herself, and her relationship with her parents is undefined. It would definitely help if you put in some more specific descriptive references, rather than just "hair" and "eyes." I like the "They are..." pattern establish with the first two stanzas, and I think it would be more powerful if you were to continue it through more.

I understand what you mean, although this is vague.
You are half of your parents, but you just want to be you. Someone new.
(unintended ryhme, right there. haha.)

I think that it is a good poem, despite it's lack of length.
It gets a message across to me, even though it doesn't to some others.

We are both around the same age too, which could also be another reason
why I relate? :]

Keep it up. I really like this!

Hi. I really like;
"Half him and half her course through my veins
They are there

My hair, my blood, my short fingernails
They are me."

After this point, I think it would be interesting to elaborate on specific traits (physical and personality) which you have received from both your parents. What specific aspects of their hair, eyes etc are like yours? Pay close attention to the tiny details, and also to where they blend and differ.

I think that;
"Although I am both, there is but one I want to be:
Me"
forces your meaning on the reader too much. Instead I'd dedicate the second half of the poem to how you try to find your own identity within a body composed of both your parents' genes. Are there any physical traits which seem to belong to neither of them? What actions/traits of yours are distinct from theirs?

Hope this helps.

Jas

I like the idea behind it. There's good concept but poor wording. You might want to express it in a more dramatic/expressive manner otherwise people won't give it much thought.

I feel you, sister! Everyone always tell me I look exactly like my mom and talk exactly like my dad, and it drives me insane. I don't want to be like them. I want people to realize that I am different from them in far more ways than I am like them. I guess you feel that way too. Good job!

OK...

Half him and half her course through my veins

I like it, except, it maybe doesnt have enough feeling in it. You just state the facts.

They are there

I am guessing that by that you mean, that they are a part of you, you have traits of them. Make that clearer.

My hair, my blood, my short fingernails
They are me

Do you mean that your hair... is you? Im confused in some way.

Although I am both, there is but one I want to be:
Me

YOu are saying that although there are both your parents in you, you only are yourself. your unique. Not clear enough.


All in all, I like short poems, but this isnt deep. It just searches the top layer. It doesnt digg deeper. There is so much more to explore in this topic. I like the theme, but the way you handled it isnt deep enough for me. Sorry.

I understood what this was about but its really too short.

Stuff like the Narrator saying "I want to be me" needs to be put across differently and with more conviction to the reader.

Work on this if you can.

All the best.

I do not mind that this is short. Poetry is poetry, it's your expression, your escape. In all honestly, it's whatever you want it to be.

I do think this is short to merely bring out our curiosity. Is she talking about her parents?
Does she like being half and half of them? Does it bother her, does she simply want people to understand that she is all in one piece, that she is herself?

these are probably the most obvious questions, but it could go so much deeper. That is the beauty of it all! The poem is whatever it means to you. It is much like art; art is whatever you want it to be.

I have nothing to say about the length or how vague some might find it. I actually like this poem the way it is. And considering how good your reviews are, I do believe you know what you're doing when you write.

keep it up (:

Hi I think short poems are as much acceptable as any other however your poem lacks of substance.

I don't really like this part:

My hair, my blood, my short fingernails
They are me

The part above really lacks of something, probably imagery and definitely description. What color are your hair and his and hers? Smooth or not? What about eyes? Lips? ... character?
From what I understand the people you are talking about are your parents.

I don't think short fingernails have anything to do with genetics since everyone's nails grow.

The title of the poem GENETICS really intrigued me and from me having a quite good knowledge of science I was expecting much more description. This is such a vast topic.

To be honest the only part that I liked was the ending:

Although I am both, there is but one I want to be:
Me

I think you could expand on the whole much more because this is too vague ... sorry if I sound rude but this is what I think ... good luck

Hi Abigail_W, I didn't mind your poem and surprisingly I understood it. It is very short though and as a result of this it lacks a few things like depth, expanding on key points, ect. I really think you could turn this into a great piece of you put more into it. Right now you are only briefly touching on the subject. I think you should expand on certain points that you think and most powerful and put as much depth in there as possible because genetics make up what we are (as you mentioned).

"My hair, my blood, my short fingernails They are me"- this was my favorite part! Fantastic! I think your poem has so much potential, not that it isn’t good now.

Thanx for a good poem,
watchmeburn

Eek! Genetics. I'll be taking my first genetics class tomorrow.

Anyway, one thing I would really like it is if you could expand on it. Yes, yes, I think we're all sounding like a broken record here, lol. Expand, expand, expand, right? But! I think it would be the coolest thing if you could expand on the actual genetics of it all... the meiosis... maybe talk about how 99.7% of our DNA is shared with chimps, so how could you be so much like them when you are completely different from a chimp... etc. I think it would be sooo cool. Plus, science in poems is generally awesome.

This overall seems to be a bit underdeveloped. Although I think the words that you do have are powerful, I think the poem is in need of a little more elaboration. Perhaps more details of the father and mother? Or you could even turn it into a haiku or other short type of poem, using form to create more interest and detail in the poem.