What I wrote...

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Quite short. Something I wrote when I couldn't write.


I struggle to find the right words. In a foggy, mystical realm in which my vocabulary dwells, I crawl and reach and grope for words I see and hear daily. At this point of confusion and entropy, cliches often rear their ugly heads. No stone in my head is left unturned. And yet, by the hour of its completion my work disappoints me; it walks towards me in a stoic fashion, tail between its legs, showing me dreadfully empty hands. Where do the words hide? Why can I not hold them close and securely so as to never lose them again? On the verge of screaming out into the painfully empty air, I pause for long moments at a time, rack my mind for sayings, phrases, proverbs, even song lyrics. How do others know exactly which combinations to mash together? It is no science, yet no construct sprung purely from emotion. I suppose it all depends on the subject matter. In this case, what is mine presently? Again, is the answer "nonexistent"? No, one could say I write about my inability to write – a paradox I find fascinating. For during my hasty, feverish search for the perfect ideas, have I not proved that those which are imperfect can be effective? Here I’ve already written this much, still convinced of its less-than-ideal value. To make a long story short, I’ve got writers’ cramp.
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed by that which it was nourished by.
(Exerpt from Shakespearean Sonnet Number 73)




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Hey,

I'm fairly certain that you don't want a critique on this, but I just wanted to point something out.


it walks towards me in a stoic fashion, tail between its legs, showing me dreadfully empty hands.

I know what you're saying here...but the combo of the two metaphors creates a really odd image. :)


Other than that, this is pretty darn good. One common theme I've noticed while reading your stuff, is that afterwards I nearly *always* want to give you a good smack up the side of the head. :) I'm not exactly sure how to explain it, but I think it's something like, you either write in a tone that says "I know it all!" and don't...or in a tone that says "I don't know anything!" (Or I'm not good at anything) when you do/are.

It's frustrating! You're a good writer! Everyone gets writers block (no matter how some people deny it...) but that doesn't really mean anything. And sometimes I think you have finally come to realize that being amazing or perfect doesn't matter:

For during my hasty, feverish search for the perfect ideas, have I not proved that those which are imperfect can be effective?


And then you go and prove me wrong...

Here I’ve already written this much, still convinced of its less-than-ideal value.



Buck up, man. :) Face it. Imperfection is wayyy more fun.
"Why kill time when you can kill yourself?"
-Voltaire




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:] Thanks Maggie. No, it isn't the I-know-everything tone, or at least, I hope it isn't. Really, those were just my thoughts at the time, and I didn't care whether they were positive or negative I just needed SOMETHING, you know? And yeah, that metaphor....I don't even know how to describe what my piece looks like in my head. But I know it has a tail and it looks forlorn. :D
In me thou see'st the glowing of such fire,
That on the ashes of his youth doth lie,
As the deathbed whereon it must expire,
Consumed by that which it was nourished by.
(Exerpt from Shakespearean Sonnet Number 73)




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Hey UserName! What's up? I'm here to review your piece :-)

ThisIsAUserName wrote:I struggle to find the right words.


The right words to describe or to explain what?

ThisIsAUserName wrote:In a foggy, mystical realm in which my vocabulary dwells, I crawl and reach and grope for words I see and hear daily.


Should be : In the foggy, mystical realm in which my vocabulary dwells, I crawl[b],reach and grope the words [and 'I see and hear daily' doesn't really make much sense, at least to me anyway. Maybe you could replace it with 'to describe how i feel' or whatever your main character want's to say.]

ThisIsAUserName wrote:At this point of confusion and entropy, cliches often rear their ugly heads.


Who are you talking about when you say their?

ThisIsAUserName wrote:No stone in my head is left unturned. And yet, by the hour of its completion my work disappoints me; it walks towards me in a stoic fashion, tail between its legs, showing me dreadfully empty hands.


The period after 'unturned' should be a comma. What's completion? Isn't your MC still looking for words? Anyhow, after 'disappoints me', there should be a period.

ThisIsAUserName wrote: Where do the words hide


In my body?

ThisIsAUserName wrote:Why can I not hold them close and securely so as to never lose them again? On the verge of screaming out into the painfully empty air, I pause for long moments at a time, rack my mind for sayings, phrases,proverbs, even song lyrics. How do others know exactly which combinations to mash together? It is no science, yet no construct sprung purely from emotion. I suppose it all depends on the subject matter. In this case, what is mine presently? Again, is the answer "nonexistent"? No, one could say I write about my inability to write – a paradox I find fascinating. For during my hasty, feverish search for the perfect ideas, have I not proved that those which are imperfect can be effective? Here I’ve already written this much, still convinced of its less-than-ideal value. To make a long story short, I’ve got writers’ cramp.



The rest is good. I like the ending, It's cute and a good surprise. Perhaps you could replace 'cramp' with 'block'? Anyway, you just have a few small grammatical things to fix; but after that, I'm sure it will be great ;-)




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Hello Username! When I started to read this I expected just another generically generic essay on writing. I was pleasantly surprised to see how you can throw your frustrations of the craft into meaningful questions! Let's continue on:

I struggle to find the right words.

The rights for what? Prose? Essays? Non-fiction? You might want to make that clearer. I can sense your discomfort right away though. That is good, since this is a discomforting essay.

In a foggy, mystical realm in which my vocabulary dwells,

In which? You might want to say "where," it conveys the meaning better.

At this point of confusion and entropy, cliches often rear their ugly heads.

I hate cliches too. Pesky things. The only advice I can give to you though when regarding cliches is to not worry about them too much. Especially while in the process of writing.

No stone in my head is left unturned.

I don't quite understand what you mean from this.

it walks towards me in a stoic fashion, tail between its legs, showing me dreadfully empty hands.

Aha! What nice imagery here!
Where do the words hide?

Such a profound question. How do pen and paper create something beloved and treasured, indeed?

On the verge of screaming out into the painfully empty air, I pause for long moments at a time, rack my mind for sayings, phrases, proverbs, even song lyrics.


You might want to say racking using the tense. But yes, I agree with you. Writing can often be a frustrating thing.

It is no science, yet no construct sprung purely from emotion.


Questioning writing itself, it seems as though you have great respect for the craft.

No, one could say I write about my inability to write – a paradox I find fascinating.


I find it fascinating too! This is definitely different than your normal essay!

To make a long story short, I’ve got writers’ cramp.


I'm not a big fan of this last sentence. To demean your thought provoking essay into something so ordinary is lame. Erase this, and you've got a mighty fine essay.


Overall, very nice work! I have to say, I've thoughts the same things myself, so I could definitely relate to what you were talking about! Once more, very nice work, for a paragraph you had me on the edge of my seat.

-Adam



Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
— Corey Ford