Man: What did you see in your house?
Little Girl: A man in a dark hood.
Man: Please tell the viewers that are watching the news, how do you feel?
Little Girl: Anger.
Man: Anger?
Little Girl: The man came to my house when I felt Anger, he called him self Anger.

(Echoing laugh)
(The Guitar enters pounding)
(Then the rest of the instruments)

Ohhh yea!!!

I felt it again
I only want to know, confusing!
My heart is full of pain
I don’t feel amusing!

The soaking blood!
Pours deeply to the mud!
The girl plays with axe
I think we entered into the max (Laughter)

I can’t control my evil actions
Maybe I should dig my grave?!
This is hard like subtracting fractions
I don’t know what emotions God gave
But know I know that this has begun!
Come on let’s have some fun!

I begin to cry
Knowing that my insides die
Can’t anyone see?
That angers growth just has to be.

The poisoned needle X6 (Evil laughter)

My skin has so many cracks!
The blood begins to leak
My bones fall on stacks !
Let’s have a swim in the gory creek

I can’t control my sight!
But really I feel fright!
So where is my knife pointed at?
My physical looks are turning into a sewer rat

Do you wonder?
Why I am covered in blood?
My goodness is washed away in the flood

But know I know that this has begun!
Come on let’s have some fun!

I begin to cry
Knowing that my insides die
Can’t anyone see?
That angers growth just has to be.

The poisoned needle X6 (Evil laughter)

(Guitar Solo)

Girl do you feel anger?
(Little Girl) Yes I do.
Let’s show mommy and daddy
What anger really is!

When you feel anger!
You feel stronger!
But really it is just another sin!
But know I know that this has begun!
Come on let’s have some fun!


I begin to cry
Knowing that my insides die
Can’t anyone see?
That angers growth just has to be.

(Echo)
I begin to cry
Knowing that my insides die
Can’t anyone see?
That angers growth just has to be.

Hey Gluz!

This was... interesting! I could really imagine a tone that this is to be put with, and I think that as far a rhythm goes, you'd have a pretty solid gate to lean on.


However, I'm not so fond of the rhyme here? The rhymes are pretty forced, and some of them just don't make sense. For instance:

I felt it again
I only want to know, confusing!
My heart is full of pain
I don’t feel amusing!

This is one of the better lines, by the way, but! People don't use amusing as a personal verb. If I said "I feel amusing" you would think I'm odd. xD

SO! My suggestion is to reword some of these lines so that the ends rhyme better.

Nice work, though! Keep it up!

June

Hey Gluz!

This was... interesting! I could really imagine a tone that this is to be put with, and I think that as far a rhythm goes, you'd have a pretty solid gate to lean on.


However, I'm not so fond of the rhyme here? The rhymes are pretty forced, and some of them just don't make sense. For instance:

I felt it again
I only want to know, confusing!
My heart is full of pain
I don’t feel amusing!

This is one of the better lines, by the way, but! People don't use amusing as a personal verb. If I said "I feel amusing" you would think I'm odd. xD

SO! My suggestion is to reword some of these lines so that the ends rhyme better.

Nice work, though! Keep it up!

June

That was really good! I could totally feel all the emotions running though me and got really into the beat! I don't even like heavy loud crazy music like that usually, but your lyrics were amazing! you have true talent! good luck with your future, i know you'll go far with a little work!

What's up.

I really dig the introduction; you took something that's been done a lot in metal music and gave it your own spin.

lordgluzman wrote:I felt it again
I only want to know, confusing!
My heart is full of pain
I don’t feel amusing!

The soaking blood!
Pours deeply to the mud!
The girl plays with axe
I think we entered into the max (Laughter)

Don't try so hard to rhyme. If this is a heavy metal song, uniformity doesn't really matter. What matters is the way that it feels, whether or not it has that punch. Don't let rhyme restrict you.

The little girl theme reminds me of "The Sickness."
I see that you're a Disturbed fan. (That makes two of us... lol.)

Other than that, it's a little repetitive. If the instrumentals rock, that's okay, but if you want it to be lyric driven you might not want to reuse the same pieces so much.


Keep it up.

BABANUUK

Nitpicks/Things to point out:

lordgluzman wrote:My bones fall on stacks !
Let’s have a swim in the gory creek

This didn't flow for me. The second line seemed too long.

lordgluzman wrote:So where is my knife pointed at?
My physical looks are turning into a sewer rat

Same thing here, didn't flow, second line seems too long.

lordgluzman wrote:I begin to cry
Knowing that my insides die
Can’t anyone see?
That anger just has to be.

I really like this.

Rhyme/Rhythm:
So this was really rhymey. Not a bad thing, but some of the rhymes felt a little forced. Remember, songs don't have to rhyme all the time. (Funny cause that rhymed Anyway...). I thought it had nice rhythm, it moved along nicely. I could hear parts of the song really well in my head, like the beginning, but then all the stanzas that had the same rhyme scheme started to sound the same

Topic/Overall:
I really like all the songs of yours I've read. Metal and Heavy Rock and Roll type stuff isn't really my type but I don't know, I really like your lyrics. They feel really real and like they could actually be songs, so kudos

-Carly