The Last Wolf

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Through the Eyes you can see the Heart and Soul of all creatures – even Humans. Be sure to look deep into the eyes of Mankind.

The calm, sapphire water suddenly rippled. Mist hung over the surface of the pond, colored with the emerald hue of the deep forest. The air was heavy, and a thin coat of frost covered the wispy branches near the tops of the trees. The wind was quiet; no animal songs stirred the dark silence of the forest; not a single rustle disturbed the stillness of the woods.
A white wolf stood over the sapphire pond.
Water was dripping from its muzzle, and the droplets falling into the pond caused the ripples. The animal moved silently, the velvet pads of its feet not making the slightest sound as it stepped over the fragile twigs of the forest floor. The wolf’s fur was thick, almost unnaturally soft, and the color of freshly fallen snow.
It made no sound as it moved through the forest.
The hair on the back of Wolf’s neck bristled; he could smell an enemy. An image of a dark, menacing Danger crept into his head and filled his essence like poison. His nose wrinkled. The Danger smelled of humans, and of Fire, too. This was wrong. Wolves didn’t have natural enemies.
The Danger wasn’t natural.
Cold fear gripped Wolf’s stomach as he bounded through the dim forest, silent as a wisp of wind in the sky. His muzzle furrowed in a silent snarl. His muscles tightened, and he ran faster than ever before. But Wolf was tireless – he could run like this forever. He knew the forest well. The woods would protect him from the Danger. The Danger could get lost in the forest. Wolf couldn’t.
Wolf slid effortlessly between the looming trees.
Something was wrong.
The smell of the Danger seemed stronger now, but it was also different. Could there be more than one human? Wolf ran faster, but still as silently as always. He searched for the smell of other Wolves, but he couldn’t pick up the scent. There were too few of his kin left in the forest. He bounded down a small, rocky chasm, his feet slipping on the sharp rocks.
Wolf halted. The trees were getting too thick – he was surrounded by the green undergrowth, and there was not enough room to move forward. He sniffed the leaves of the thick, tangled bushes, and flinched back. The Danger was close. Wolf circled around the rocks, his large, ice-blue eyes scanning the surroundings with caution. His head was lowered, and his ears flattened against his skull.
He sensed Prey.
Wolf’s lips curled back over his teeth. Not Prey.
Human.
Wolf snapped around. A chilling wind swirled around him and his whiskers trembled. The scent of a human hit his nostrils hard. A disgusting, burning smell.
Wolf realized he was trapped against the wall of plants and rocks that wasn’t there only a couple of days ago. It was a trap. The fur rose up on his shoulders. He had no way of escaping. His only way out of the chasm was forward, and that’s where the Danger was lurking.
The silver wall of rocks seemed to be closing in on him. Wolf backed up against the cold stone. Mist clouded around him, and he shivered. A quiet growl ripped from his throat. He saw a shadow move near him.
The Danger was getting closer.
The human was standing only a few paces away. He was pointing a gun at Wolf. He was clad in heavy clothes, and the hands holding the black rifle were wrapped in leather. He was eyeing the animal with a cold smirk on his thin, scarred face. Wolf’s eyes glinted with fear and hatred.
“I’ve gotcha’ cornered, stupid mutt,” he grumbled. “What are ya’ gonna’ do now?”
Wolf snarled.
And sprang forward.
A shot rang out in the cold, still silence of the forest.


The Hunter left the chasm with a thin, bitter smile on his face. There was a new scratch on his cheek that wasn’t there before, and there were dark stains on his thick hunting coat. His rifle was down, and smoke was rising from the muzzle.
“Stupid beast,” he muttered. But there was a sorrowful light in his eyes, too. A sparkle that reflected the wisdom of the Wolf. Because everyone knows the Soul of a hunter’s prey leaves a mark on him.
The fog swirled around the misty mountains. The sun was going down, and the orange light cast long shadows over the green, empty forest. A frozen river sliced the woods in half. At the very edge, you could see chopped-down trees, and in the distance – black smoke rising from the chimneys of a factory.
And if you listened very, very closely, and let the ice and stone crumble away, you could, perhaps, hear the broken, helpless cry of the Last Wolf.
Last edited by Moonglowe on Sun May 24, 2009 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hi, ovbiously I'm WritersBlock and I'm here to pick at your piece, but luckily I didn't find much to possibly change :) so let's get started!

The animal moved silently, the velvet pads of its feet not making the slightest sound

you use 'silently' alot, i don't know if its just for emphasis, but (and I don't mean to be cruel) the redundancy takes affect after the third time.

listened very, very closely

both of the 'very's could be taken out.

overall this was very well-written and intriguing! nice job and keep writing!
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Moonglowe wrote:The calm, sapphire water suddenly rippled. Mist hung over the surface of the pond, colored with the emerald hue of the deep forest. The air was heavy, and a thin coat of frost covered the wispy branches near the tops of the trees. The wind was quiet; no animal songs stirred the dark silence of the forest; not a single rustle disturbed the stillness of the woods.

This is really good description. I have a really good sense of this environment right from the get-go.

Moonglowe wrote:Water was dripping from its muzzle, and the droplets falling into the pond caused the ripples.

Something about this sentence just doesn't feel right to me. It's mainly the second half. Maybe try something like 'muzzle, and as the droplets fell, they formed ripples in the water.'

Moonglowe wrote: The animal moved silently, the velvet pads of its feet not making the slightest sound as it stepped over the fragile twigs of the forest floor.

This phrase feels weird to me too. Maybe try something like, 'feet made no sound'.

Moonglowe wrote:It made no sound as it moved through the forest.

Take this out, you've already established that it's moving softly.

Moonglowe wrote:An image of a dark, menacing Danger crept into his head and filled his essence like poison.

Huh? This sentence feels really weird to me too. It doesn't make a ton of sense to me and it's kind of worded funny, I think.

Moonglowe wrote:He was eyeing ((eying))the animal with a cold smirk on his thin, scarred face. Wolf’s eyes glinted with fear and hatred.


Moonglowe wrote:But there was a sorrowful light in his eyes, too. A sparkle that reflected the wisdom of the Wolf. Because everyone knows the Soul of a hunter’s prey leaves a mark on him.
The fog swirled around the misty mountains. The sun was going down, and the orange light cast long shadows over the green, empty forest. A frozen river sliced the woods in half. At the very edge, you could see chopped-down trees, and in the distance – black smoke rising from the chimneys of a factory.
And if you listened very, very closely, and let the ice and stone crumble away, you could, perhaps, hear the broken, helpless cry of the Last Wolf.

This was also really well described. I liked how you ended this.

Characters:
I know it's kind of hard to make a wolf a super strong character, but I felt almost nothing when Wolf died. That's kind of saying something since I'm a vegetarian and I believe that people that hunt animals just to hunt them are barbaric freaks. :)
So, I would try to build up Wolf a little more. Maybe talk about it's past, family, friends, etc.

Overall:
I thought it was a good concept and you carried it out well. It was sad at the end and it kind of makes you open your eyes and see what we're doing.
I liked it, you used good description and nice language.
Oh, I would consider changing the title. 'Wolf' just kind of seems to be there, not really doing much. Personally, I would call it 'The Last Wolf' because it's more representative of the main theme.
Nice job :)

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