Rate the first sentence above you

474 posts1 ... 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 ... 32
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Gender Female
Points 12193
Reviews 275
5/10

Though true the type of sentence is very overused and it reminds me of a flair on facebook.

No new thought is really new.




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Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
6/10

Somewhat interested in the 'thought', but I feel it is too plain to be an opening.

I love human.
Come, read and comment on this book - Wizard, at http://bookmato.com/BookFolder/BookTitlePage/Book5.aspx




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Gender Female
Points 1510
Reviews 37
8/10. Grabs your attention right away ;)

Most of the invitees were blissfully unaware of the scandal taking place at the wedding.
We all have moments of desperation, but if we face them head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. - Mary-Alice Young, Desperate Housewives




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Gender Female
Points 12193
Reviews 275
8/9

I don't like the word 'invitees' 'guests' just sounds way more natural. I would love this to have some more description and be less straight forward.




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Gender Female
Points 2380
Reviews 27
Calligraphy didn't put one, so:

It didn't end the way it started.
"I’m usually that guy who violently kicks off his shoes at the front door because there’s something about fake wooden kitchen linoleum that appears inviting to the feverish socked footsies." - Adam Young/Owl City




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Gender None specified
Points 2977
Reviews 25
6.9/10

I've seen that type of opening but the way you wrote it seemed intriguing.

here's mine:

After I finished Gottermann’s Concerto No. 1, I took the wooden arm and inserted it inside the mouth of my mannequin, in the posture of a Cello.
Lain Iwakura: If you're not remembered, then you never existed.




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Gender Female
Points 6748
Reviews 100
10/10
I'm going to go read this tomorrow. I'm too tired to read it today.
Here's mine:
The coffee shop, Esnatzen, was empty when Seres walked in; the moss green carpet shocking his feet.
Check these out please! :)
Alezrani
Will review for food thread




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Gender Female
Points 12193
Reviews 275
100/10

reminds me that I still have to read the rest and that sentence has just always been my favorite. XD well after I read it of course. It has tons of imagery and it captures me.

Again only one thought was running through her head, pain.




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Gender Female
Points 2140
Reviews 36
9/10!
It captures my attention and it sounds like not only something I would read but something I would write lol.

"Sissy, there's someone in the house."
You do well to believe in God. Satan also believes...and trembles.James 2:19
http://dragcave.net/user/Roma-Gypsy
^ you should so click this.... :)




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Gender Female
Points 5736
Reviews 84
9/10. Makes me think of a small child and a murder mystery.

Mine:
My fingers, flaming red, burned in agony from the cold wind that wound around my body
Live, Love, Laugh




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Gender Female
Points 44360
Reviews 1087
7/10

I liked the imagery you created, but I'm not awfully keen on openings that begin with descriptions. It looks pretty interesting though. :)

(I'm aware that this isn't just one line... but there's only an extra 3... xD)

Austin told me that I’d forget about it. He said that it didn’t matter. That rainy October night, he told me that I had to run; running would stop my mind from crashing. Austin lied.
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.




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Gender Female
Points 12193
Reviews 275
9/10 loved it all except for the rainy October night part it just seemed, I don't know, out of place.

And because you did I am going to do two sentences (this is from the short story I am writing to submit to the YWS newsletter. It is mostly just tongue and cheek humor.) :

When I swim in the pool Mom can’t make me take a bath, because I will get squeaky clean in the Doreen water. Doreen is my Grandma; I don’t think she can swim though.

A. S.




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Gender Other
Points 89625
Reviews 1272
2/10 Far too vague. There's a bit of twist and conflict at the end, but it is so unrelated and makes me go "what in the world" too badly for me to really bother reading.

"I don't see why we should lose a daughter when guards can do a perfectly good job."
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.




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Gender Female
Points 2218
Reviews 297
6/10 it's ok. Is almost an attention grabber, but just a little to weak.
Here's mine:

I shoved my hands against the door, watching the long nails scratch my wrist, leaving thin lines of blood.
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~




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Gender Male
Points 300
Reviews 0
7/10
Ehh... it's good, not remarkable, but good. It would certainly draw me in a bit. Better than anything that I could come up with definitely.

Well, here I go (I'm awful at grabbing people):
"Death's a b***h, especially when you have go through it about 5 times a day. But by now it had become a commonplace and mundane thing, much like brushing your teeth, checking your e-mail, or hearing about anorexic hotel heiresses on the news. "
Hajimari no yokan ni, soro soro to orotoki no, doki doki suru kimochi, wasurenai yo!



We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot