Look Up

I started a challenge yesterday for my poetry, since I don't write poetry too often, I thought this might sharpen my skills. I listen to one song on repeat every day and write one poem to it. The poem must have an image firmly implanted in the mind, and this is what is written down; nothing else. Just the image. This came from yesterday, and I thought you all might appreciate it. You can find the song, the Cure's "Homesick" done as a cover by Rosetta, at Rosetta's Myspace. It's a beautiful cover song, I must admit:

http://www.myspace.com/rosetta

Look Up

I look up at the dark night,
and all I can see are stars.
Finding the temptation irresistible,
I want to soar, shedding dead skin,
turning it in for a fresh body to yank on
so that I can prep for launch and see
such a beautiful array of systems up close.
It’s getting harder every day to bear the sun,
and I find no comfort in squinting in the heat.
Fleeing from the burning wrath
of that ever-watchful eye, never ceasing.
I tire of scrambling around in search
for an answer as to why we’re even alive at all.
These secrets remain elusive, and we trudge
in ignorance, blind to our own self-destruction
not even aware of who we’re hurting anymore.
Despairing it all, I cast my eyes on a brighter surface,
shimmering in the skies, while we toil in waste.
How is it that we can only reach, but never grasp?
How long must we toil before we can soar free,
free of all burdens, despair, and suffering?
I stand here underneath the glittering eyes above,
hoping that I won’t have to wait much longer.

I absolutely love this!
You have no idea.
The flow, the concept the creativity.

You're amazing!

Almost like my ex girlfriend, but a tad smarter, and more brave to use words.

I'd be careful with the scheme though, I am not one to pick up on these things, but I did get a tad confused at some parts.

I quite like this - it's very expressive. Just a few things I think you need to watch. Firstly, word choice: I think that "yank" is perhaps too violent an image, and it seems out of place there. Also, the poem could possibly benefit from being a bit shorter. You have some lovely images in there, but the longer it goes on the more they get buried by each other. A bit of thinning out and clarifying would make this a great poem.

Cheers,
~bubbles