I Will Always Be Your Friend.

Author's Note:
Hello everyone!
Poetry is definetely not in my forte, but it seems listening to sad piano music got me thinking.
I have no poetic experience, and I have not taken any lessons in poetry before either.
I need you guys to help me out. It is a bit immature, but its a first.

-----------------------------

Sometimes when you look at me,
it looks as if you are in love.
That look would tell it all,
but it is not me you are thinking of.

There are times I make you laugh,
you'll blush or smile or sigh.
And though I know who you like
I can't help but wonder why.

And then there is time I feel so loved,
when in me you do confide.
But it kills me to hear
how good that person makes you feel inside.

Sometimes you are in my daydreams,
I wish that they would come true.
And always I have to wonder
if you have those daydreams too.

And though I search for answers,
On my promise you can depend.
Although what I feel for you is love,
I will always be your friend.

Yay--Very good...Mind you, as I've written before, I know little about the rules of poetry myself, but the story is awesome and one that I have personal experience with.

Hit a cord, ya did.

But it kills me to hear
how good that person makes you feel inside.

I'm guessing why you added "inside" was to indicate internal feelings was so the message wouldn't be misinterpreted?
I don't think it really needs to be there. It kind of threw me off for a second and I think that most people with a semblance of maturity wont take it for a sexually explicit meaning. (If that was why you added it.)

Other than that, there were a couple of lines that ended without commas, although I have no idea if that is a poetry "no, no" or not.

So, good first!

==now I'm all sentimental, reminisce-ee and stuff...==

For an early attempt at poetry, that was actually really good. You took an extremely cliché topic and made it personal and interesting.

A few things to watch for next time:

Firstly, your rhyming is mostly awesome. I love the first verse in particular. Unfortunately your rhythm is a little off track, particularly from the third verse onwards. You might want to try reading the poem aloud and tapping out the beats to yourself with a pen or pencil – it will help you get the gist of how many syllables and so on that you will need in each line.

As a corollary to that, watch your line length. Don’t try to force the rhyme, but don’t be afraid to experiment with different words to see what fits best.

Secondly, and finally, poetry is a lot like prose in that it works best if you show, don’t tell. In this poem, for example, you’ve addressed it to the person in question and are telling them how you think and feel. That’s great for a starting point, but I’ve always felt that the purpose of poetry is to convey your experience in such a way that others feel it with you. People will sympathise with the poet here, but you will probably not provoke the same feelings in them. Next time, I suggest that you try out a few literary devices – metaphors, similes, analogies and the like. Play on the reader’s senses and try to get them to really feel what it is like to be in such a position.

Otherwise, this was excellent. With a bit of practice, we’ll make a poet out of you in no time!

Look forward to seeing more of your work

Cheers,
~bubbles

Hello

Your title was interesting "I'll always be your friend" I feel it doesn't connect to the poem...however I did connect to the poem in general, I know plenty of love sick people in that situation, I think you portrayed the contrast well.

Thanks,

Roly :0)

Thanks all of you. I will certainly take your advice into concern the next time I decide to try to write poetry again.

I am kind of surprised. I was expected people to have it fully torn apart by now.

I'm guessing why you added "inside" was to indicate internal feelings was so the message wouldn't be misinterpreted?
I don't think it really needs to be there. It kind of threw me off for a second and I think that most people with a semblance of maturity wont take it for a sexually explicit meaning. (If that was why you added it.)

Actually, I added 'inside' to make it rhyme.
And I certainly didn't add it for a sexually explicit meaning. That is just not how I roll. I know it kind of seems out of place and I believe I could try to find a better rhyme...
When I read that comment it made me laugh.

Other than that, there were a couple of lines that ended without commas, although I have no idea if that is a poetry "no, no" or not.

That was parcially an experiment by me. I was hoping one of you people would be able to tell me to fix that. I was writing it and I got confused.

Unfortunately your rhythm is a little off track, particularly from the third verse onwards. You might want to try reading the poem aloud and tapping out the beats to yourself with a pen or pencil – it will help you get the gist of how many syllables and so on that you will need in each line.

I tried that and I certainly see where I messed up. I think I may know how to fix it slightly though...
But thanks for the advice. I certainly never thought of doing it that way.

As a corollary to that, watch your line length. Don’t try to force the rhyme, but don’t be afraid to experiment with different words to see what fits best.

Yah, at moments, I did force myself to find a rhyme. and that is why I believe J_Fang commented on 'inside' because that was one I forced a little harder than the others.

Next time, I suggest that you try out a few literary devices – metaphors, similes, analogies and the like. Play on the reader’s senses and try to get them to really feel what it is like to be in such a position.

I will certainly put effort towards this. I am just that kind of person who is literately blunt. In my writing I describe everything in detail but I am truly horrible at similes and metaphors. I want to get good at them, and I believe that if I don't try to force them likem my rhyming they will eventually come.

Your title was interesting "I'll always be your friend" I feel it doesn't connect to the poem...however I did connect to the poem in general, I know plenty of love sick people in that situation, I think you portrayed the contrast well.

I tied in the title with the last line. I am horrible at naming things.

--------------------

Thank you all certainly for taking the time to read this. I got a few chuckles out of that. I think I may try to put forth another piece of poetry, but in the mean time I think I will stick with drawing and writing.

Thanks a lot. I actually feel desire to write another peice of poetry now. I laugh at that.

~Incognito

Incog, will you always be my friend?

Ha. Your attempt at poetry. I can't believe I didn't see it earlier .... Well, here's my attempt at a review.

Sometimes when you look at me,

it looks as if you are in love.

That look would tell it all,

but it is not me you are thinking of.

Just reading through this, I feel as though that line should be "but it is not me you're thinking of." I think it would just flow better.

And then there is time I feel so loved,

when in me you do confide.

No suggestion.

OVERALL:

Hm ... was there a certain someone you were thinking of while writing this perhaps? 'Cause if so, I wouldn't have the slightest idea who it is ...

Anyone, kudos to you for actually being brave enough to post poetry on WTP!

-- From your Dedicated Stalkee.

I find that when it comes to poetry it's better to abbreviate like saying it's instead of it is, it helps keep a rythm and pace in the poem. That's just my opinion though and it isn't really a criticism, just some advice. It was a good poem and I'm really pleased at just how good it was. I remember the first poem I wrote, it sucked majorly, so I'm really pleased at how much better you did Hope you write more and if you do, please tell me and I will read/review them

I love this and I can relate to this alot. I can't really review what I like so I will leave it at that!