Writing Challenge 9/12

A single ray of hope shines, an alabaster beam,
copper chords of sunlight bathed in crimson rays of steam
misty essences of sound tuned once upon a dream
turns my heart on sunset’s edge, my voice on garden stream

an hourglass on ebony, trickles of white sand
turns time into the sea and death into your hands
and sweet chorus rings in time across the weathered land
leaving ink smudged fingerprints on torrid leather band

You did a good job...it's a good poem. Anyways, the only mistakes i saw were that there was no punctuation and you didnt capitalize the first word of every new line.

it was beautiful.
It annoyed me that you rhmyed stream with stream in the first stanza though.
Agh... now I'm trying to figure out like.... what this MEANS...but i'm slow and have only knowledge of how to become an american citizen. lol...
but I really liked it.

PS it wasn't STREAM and STREAM it was STEAM and STREAM
Sorry... I'm going blind or something....
Hey... I didn't eat dinner...

Wow. That was beautiful. Sometimes poems like this seem too sickly-sweet but this didn't. At all. It sounds... old fashioned or something. I loved it though. It would be better with some periods, maybe. Great job though. Amazing images.

It's awesome...man, I loved the allusion to the hourglass...for obvious reasons, o'course. The first half was a bit bland, but I think the whole thing would be best left as it is now.

Gorgeous...

Wow! It's beautiful!!!

bubblewrapped wrote::shock: Gorgeous...

She's pretty much said it all

I need to read more poetry and stuff. This is great!

Misty Lynn wrote:A single ray of hope shines, an alabaster beam,
copper chords of sunlight bathed in crimson rays of steam
misty essences of sound tuned once upon a dream
turns my heart on sunset’s edge, my voice on garden stream

an hourglass on ebony, trickles of white sand
turns time into the sea and death into your hands
and sweet chorus rings in time across the weathered land
leaving ink smudged fingerprints on torrid leather band

The bold parts are amazing and so full of imagery. I love how you compare a ray of sunshine to an "alabaster beam," and I also love the lack of punctuation and capitalization. Poetry is free to be what it desires, not to be subjected to the rules and harsh laws of the English language. It's meant to spice and tease the English language, not be an exact replica of it. Poetry is its own dialect, its own language, and you've done wonderfully capturing that.

There are parts that are a bit abstract, but it ties in with the totalty of the piece, so I have no complaints.
Simply Awesome!

thanks to everyone who critted this.

Wonderful. Just plain wonderful.

it is a lovely poem with powerful imagery. Excellent work!!