Peanutgallery's NaPoWriMo Thread!

This is my first year trying, and I am determined to finish!

I will not be held liable for anything bad that happens to occur while reading my horrid poetry...

My first poem for the month!


If only,
they
were here,
with us,

If only,
they
hadn't
passed.

If only,
you,
mother,
would not cry,

Then
much happiness
would
come back.



[spoiler]Happy April Fools day! [/spoiler]

People wonder,
why I sit and stare,
blankly,
dead.

I am thinking,
of another place,
not in this world.

My place,
it pulls me away
to somewhere
greater;

My place
is
perfect.

I didn't really want to end it with 'perfect', but I am still thinking of words... I just wanted it to be a full poem!

I really wanted to post this as a whole separate poem in Other Poetry, so, I did. You can find it there too. I just really liked this poem a lot.

Summer's Music

The trees blow,
ever so slightly,
in the gentle summer breeze.

I lay down,
in soft grass,
and release myself to summer's ease.

This seasons wonder,
and smell of summer,
is all music to me;

The song,
and the beauty,
of summer's heat.


I was debating on whether or not to delete the last stanza.

Not the best poem I've ever written, but I wrote a better one about the same subject, but lost it... so this is a brain-damaging substitute for the ever- lost original version.

Memories,
of every kind,
frozen,
in time.

People,
and places,
are still,
and rimmed.

Pictures
do not change,
over time,
and nature.

They stay,
to remind us,
of what once was,
and will always be.

This is work;
my work.

I know the last stanza is questionable... but I couldn't remember what I had originally wrote.

OK, this is probably the worst poem I have ever had the guts to write, but, I have to write something. A poem is a poem!


I lay in my bed,
awake at night,
for I have had,
a terrible fright.

A bug was sleeping,
right next to me,
and now is weeping,
and is free.

I'd sell my soul,
for no more bugs,
and the world to be whole,
with lots of hugs!


Like I said; it's really bad.

I really like the Memories one, the only suggestion I have is to not let the punctuation dominate the poem; I'd experiment with less commas and periods. But it's up to you! ^^

This is a little poem I wrote... it is definitely not great, but I am planning to do an awesome poem tomorrow to make up for all the flunkies I have been posting in this recently!

Sleep
is moody
nightmares
or
fantasies.

Sleep,
lives
in
my conscience.

Sleep,
is not one,
but,
two.

Because

Sleep,
isn't mine
but yours,
too.

I like that last one - the final verse is perfect! The punctuation is better too

Cheers,
~bubbles

Heya Peanut!
Here is your review.

My place,
it pulls me away
to somewhere
greater;

It's a period at the end.

My place
is
perfect.

Maybe some words instead of perfect:
ideal, flawless, the ultimate, all me, etc. Hope that helps your thinking.

I lay down,
in soft grass,
and release myself to summer's ease.

In soft grass? Maybe change to on.

Wow Peanut. Awesome poetry. I loved all of them. You're a great poet. Hmmm here are my scores for all your poems.

Do not cry:8/10 It was sad but good.

The second one: 9/10 I liked the first stanza.

Summer's Music: 8/10

Memories: 10/10 My favorite.

The one after that: 8/10 Funny, very childish.

Sleep: 9/10 good words you chose!

When I read yours I saw some of them rhymed and some didn't. Personally I like them without the rhymes. Just my opinion. Great job!!! Good luck with this!
~Storm

I'm proud to say that this is my first- ever pantoum, and I love it. I think I did excellent for my first try, and I normally don't think that much of my writing! Ha! I did write a kick- butt poem like I said I would!

My who Guillotine

My uneven breath puffs out in front of me,
the cold winter chill breaks through my skin,
and you both flank either side of me
while the moon shines beneath the clouds.

The cold winter chill breaks through my skin,
yet your love keeps my heart alive
while the moon shines beneath the clouds,
and a guillotine hangs over my head threatening me to make the wrong decision.

Yet your love keeps my heart alive,
and I finally see who I must choose
and a guillotine hangs over my head threatening me to make the wrong decision,
as I decide whom I love in the cold winter night.


Not that bad, eh?

I have a message,
that is short and sweet,
like wonderful hibiscus,
or summers heat.

Here is my message,
may all you hear it;
I'm done with homework,
I just can't bear it.

I wrote this because I am so stressed at school, and I just want all the homework to end!!!

Nice Pantoum The only thing I'd change is that one long line - it looks a bit odd, sticking out from the rest like that. Otherwise, definitely a kick-butt first effort XD

Cheers,
~bubbles

A poem about a part in a book I am writing

Seven out of Eight

Eight people I have come to know,
seven are friendly but one is not so;
and in my heart I know it's true,
I am sorry friend, but I cannot trust you.

Seven are friendly but one is not so;
you have just come but now you must go.
I am sorry friend, but now I cannot trust you;
I wish with my heart that this were not true.

You have just come but now you must go,
with all your shadows and endless woe.
I wish with my heart that this were not true,
but you have deceived us so I bid you adieu.


Another pantoum!

4/ 10

Waves gently curl,
and wash up on the shore,
I ponder,
ponder,
what lies underneath.

Underneath those waves,
is a new world,
full of beauty,
beauty,
and the unseen.

The huge bumps,
of moving waves,
far, far away,
invite me in,
to come and play.

I swear I wrote it yesterday... I completely forgot to post it