What Reviewers Wish They Could Say, but Don't.

This is dedicated to frustrated reviewers, as long as the events are purely hypothetical, or loosely based off something real. No names now! Be it sarcasm or rants, this is your place to be.

"How many times do I have to tell you!?! There is no 'P' in FEAR!"

or perhaps this:

"You're not 1337, your not even literate!"

"I'm sorry, you mean you wrote this in English?"

"After crossing your story with big red X's I put it in the parrot cage. Apparently the parrot has better taste than you, he refused to even deficate on it."

"Ah, I see you figured out how to turn the Cap Lock's button on, now, do you know how to turn it off?"

"Oh dear, I'm not in hell already am I?"

"...And that is why this is the worst story ever. Now for the second sentence..."

'Excuse me, I have this book called a Dictionary that would be very much of help to you,' is what I would like to say to some undedicated writers who won't bother spell-checking. I don't mind if its a bit here and there but they go on mispelling (and doesn't even bother to correct it) until the end.

"Change this...scratch that...that's total crap...so is that...quit using that word...ahh, on to the next sentence."

Under the terms of the Clean Water Act, the Stream of Consciousness is hereby declared irremediably polluted. Do not eat any fish caught in these waters. Swimmers: beware.

LMAO! Gotta love that brad


This is a work of art! On another planet maybe.......

This was fun reading as watching my mad cow dancing in a pink tutu singing O CANADA

If I see the pope, my school teacher and Mel Gibson in a row on my door, im gonna read the rest of the story.

I think its time to read other people baby, starting RIGHT NOW.

"Is this it?"

"If your story is in the planet plutarch, why do the names of the characters sound Japanese?"

"Before I start my review, allow me some time to fine tune my blow-torch..."

This is the world's smallest violin playing the world's saddest song just for you (in response to teen-angst-you-broke-my-heart poetry).

Grow up.

Get laid already.

I want the five minutes of my life back that I wasted on this p o s.

Who cares?

Please read some poetry before you attempt it.

(It's nice to be a brat sometimes. Thanks for the thread, Griffin)

Incandescence wrote:Under the terms of the Clean Water Act, the Stream of Consciousness is hereby declared irremediably polluted. Do not eat any fish caught in these waters. Swimmers: beware.

hahaha! LMAO!

"I want my $7.04"

"Where's the story? Oh you mean that piece of parrot paper WAS the story? Ooops..."

I would not breed from this writer

Your village called, they're missing an idiot

"HOLY **** YOU TYPED IN ALL CAPS AND ALL YOUR PARAGRAPHS ARE MASSIVE BLOBS OF TEXT WITH NO GRAMMAR!! DIEDIEDIEDIE!!!!!

There is only one word I can say for this... Story? But I can't say it because its too rude for your young ears.

I like... Erm... What did I like? Oh wait, I thought this was sometimes else, must of fell asleep from the boredom of reading this.

You really bug me when you don't use proper grammar... I feel like shooting my self, oh no, I mean I fell like shooting you

'Look. I'm sorry. But I shall not forgive anyone who spells the word 'you' with only one letter.'

'I conform to the belief of intelligence osmoses, and must move away from your story before my IQ begins to drop.'

'Claiming that your story is 'really scary' shall not make it so.'


I actually had to use the first one on writing.com.
The third one I was tempted to use after reading a story on darren shan's message board.

Hey guys, look, free toilet paper! TEN CENTS A ROLL!

"Ah, what did you want to be when you grew up? A writer? Are you sure you've been born yet?"

"If stories reflect the personalities of the writers, I feel very sorry for you."

"Are you trying to type with boxing gloves on?"

"...you suck..."

Its short, *and* an insult.