Our Endless, Numbered Days: a mix for Freak [by Snoink]

Caligula's Launderette wrote:1. Kids; MGMT
Decisions to decisions are made and not fought
But I thought,
this wouldn't hurt a lot.
I guess not.

Control yourself.
Take only what you need from it.
A family of trees wantin',
To be haunted.

A theme for Freak; more for Freak/Beth, Daniel, and Sadie.

What a funny song to begin with! What I think is funny is that the freak initially comes from a place where there are kis screaming, so it does sort of make sense as the beginning, even though I know you're not doing anything in a chronological manner. Still, with the description of trees, the mirror, and the continued message, "Control yourself," I can definitely see this as a beginning when the freak is changing from her former place to Sadie's house. As FREAK continues, of course, the characters begin to play different roles, so the freak's role as the naive, unsure one becomes Sadie's (part two) and Daniel's (part three).

2. Baba O’Riley; The Who
Sally, take my hand
We'll travel south 'cross land
Put out the fire, don't look past my shoulder.

Freak leaves the orphanage.

Ah, but this is the one to talk about her actually leaving the orphanage! I love how The Who begins... it has such awesome beginnings. Anyway, I think it's funny that the repeated words are "teenage wasteland." It brings to mind:

*

Finally the man turned to the freak. His face flinched--the freak guessed in disgust--and he said with a forced politeness, “Do you know what your duties are?” She shook her head. “First of all, my daughter Sarah is not a little girl, she’s fifteen.” The freak started at this and her mouth dropped open.

“But sir!” The freak stopped when he scowled at her. She sunk back into her seat.

“Apparently, there was a slight miscommunication between the headmistress and myself. But my daughter is not a little girl, nor do I want her to be treated as one. She is a woman and she desires respect and a companion, though she is unaware of this fact yet. She also needs discipline, although unaware of this fact also.”

The freak frowned at this. “Sir, I don’t understand.” She winced as she said this and expected to be hit. Instead, the gentleman just sighed.

“Never mind that,” he said. “You’ll understand the situation soon enough. What is important is that you are here. And for now, that is enough.”

*

And really, as the story continues, you definitely see that Sadie has pretty much wasted a lot of her time holding grudges and being self-absorbed. Not that that's necessarily bad, but the freak notices it.

3. Anthems For A Seventeen Year Old Girl; Broken Social Scene
Used to be the one of the rotten ones,
And I liked you for that.
Now, you're all gone, got your make-up on,
And you're not coming back.

I picked this song!

When I first heard this song, I thought it was so sad because it seemed to me that there the teenage girl is totally lost in the world that she lives in. Over and over again, the song repeats mundane things and it gets you the feeling that the teenage girl has created a world for herself that she despises, yet she can't get out of. Plus, even though the words are repetitive, a beautiful instrumental background plays in the background, which hints of beauty, even in this dull setting. So this song is for Sadie, in the freak's perspective. I think of this as more of a part three song, just because Sadie is more into the mundane by part three (I think she has to be, if she wants to survive) but this can easily apply to certain parts in part one too, especially when the freak and her clash:

*

The freak stared at Sadie for a minute before walking to the door. She opened it and peered outside for a moment before stepping out uncertainly.

“Where are you going?” Sadie asked, suddenly alarmed.

“To see your father.”

“No!” A second later she felt Sadie tugging at her to come back. “Oh please! If you go out, the servants will kill you before my father has the chance. They hate freaks! I heard them talking the other day about how they would--oh, you mustn’t go out!”

“But Miss Sarah--”

Sadie began crying harder than ever. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I don’t mean anything I say!” She wiped her face with her sleeve. “Don’t go, please! I do care.”

*

Yeah... I feel sorry for Sadie. She really has a crappy situation.

4. Cooties; Aimee Allen
She's just as friendly as can be…
She's got cooties…

A song for Freak.

Haha, yes!

*

The headmistress frowned. “Stop that,” she ordered, getting the kerosene tin out. “Close your eyes.” The freak shut her eyes, just as kerosene began to trickle down her hair and face. The headmistress clicked her tongue twice before scrubbing the kerosene into her hair. “That should kill them.” She tied on a dirty handkerchief and looked at the freak critically.

The freak stared back.

*

5. Only You; Poritshead
we suffer everyday / what is it for
these crimes of illusion / are fooling us all
and now I am weary and I feel like I do
it's only you / who can tell me apart
and it's only you / who can turn my wooden heart

For some reason, I don't really see this as a song for the freak... more for Carolina. That might seem weird at first, because the freak is the one who is obviously oppressed, but I think that Carolina is in an extremely delicate position and her own selfish desires is interfering with her desire to be that perfect wife. With words like "years of frustration" and "my wooden heart" I think this is talking about Carolina's "tea party with a bit of wine"--essentially an excuse to escape through alcohol, drugs, and sex with the other politicians' wives in order to forget about the fears they all deal with.

6. One With The Freaks ; The Notwist
you'll no longer be kissed and kind
as you long for intuition
as you have to say the password twice
have you ever?
have you ever been all messed up?

Throughout the story, the question is "What is a freak?" Sadie's father argues that it's just a label, Sadie talks about genetics, Claude about names. But Daniel's observation, that a freak can't love, seems to apply the most. So, as all the characters desperately seek for love in their different ways, they become one with the freaks whenever they mess up.

7. Pitter Patter Goes My Heart; Broken Social Scene
[Instrumental]

This is the instrumental to "Anthem for a Seventeen-Year-Old Girl." It's lovely and I picked this one too. Without the repetition, layers upon layers of music are built on, and I think it really speaks that the beauty that can be without words.

8. Beautiful Freak; The Eels
You're such a beautiful freak
I bet you are flying inside
Duck down and then go for cover

Song for the Freak; from either Daniel or Sadie’s father’s point of view.

I think this is from Sadie's father's point of view, if only because he's the one who notices how the birds come to her when she feeds them. While Daniel is a bit egotistical and such, Sadie's father notices these slight things and he loves the freak for it, almost to the point where he'll let her get off with illegal activities, such as bird watching.

*

He played with Sadie’s bedroom doorknob. “There’s too much temptation for you here. And I know how much you like your birds, but you have to heal first.”

“You’ve seen me?”

“Quite. The library is directly below, and it’s quite interesting, albeit distracting, to see the different types of birds flying around.” The freak only blushed. She was about to ask him what he thought about this when he suddenly frowned, staring at the doorknob thoughtfully. “What has Sadie done to this, do you know?”

“The room’s locked. She has the only key.”

“How typical of her. Wait.” He fumbled in his pockets and took out a great ring of keys, selecting an old brass one that matched Sadie’s bedroom doorknob.

“What’s that?” the freak asked.

“The master set of keys. But don’t tell Carolina I have it. She thinks I lost it three years ago.” He unlocked the door easily and then he walked back. “Don’t try to wiggle,” he said. “Otherwise, I’ll drop you.” Once more, she felt herself being hoisted up. A moment later, she found herself in the darkness of Sadie’s bedroom.

*

He was actually the one who taught her how to make the birds love her, though that wasn't his intention. She just saw him feed the birds and got the bright idea to do it to herself.

But he definitely loves her for her joy over simple things and love for beauty.

Though I can definitely see how Daniel can be fit in. But I think he is a bit more oblivious.

9. She's Like a Rainbow; Rolling Stones
She comes in colors everywhere;
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow

Another song for Freak.

I picked this song! XD

Throughout the story, colors are used, and the freak loves them. In fact, when I was rewriting the beginning, I realized that it was too depressingly stupid and that she would commit suicide if she had nothing to love. So I changed it so that she looked at the colors on her body. So really, she sees herself as a rainbow.

10. Dirty Hands; Bear McCreary
[Instrumental]

11. New Soul; Yael Naim
I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
finding myself making every possible mistake

A song from the point of view on entering both Sadie’s Father’s house and Claude’s house.

Haha, yes! From Carolina to Claude, the freak does get into lots of pickles, lol. I think I placed this on the end of my playlist for FREAK, if only by the end, it's clear that she gets into all this trouble, but I was torn about putting it in the beginning as well. Still, my favorite mistake was when she accidentally almost killed Claude and Sadie by alerting politicians about Daniel's presence. Oops! Fortunately, that ended... um... well, not happily, but with minimal death?

*nods*

12. Quiet As A Mouse; Margot & The Nuclear So And So's
when I woke my back was broke from lying on the floor
sunlight poured through all the cracks in my front door/ wake up you've got a lot of things to do
wake up the sun is rising without you / when I woke I was alive in somebody's room
I felt life and love and hope infesting my bones/ wake up you've got a lot of things to do
wake up the sun is rising without you

This reminds me of when the freak gets her ankle sprained. Yup. She's kind of clumsy... and yet, she still wants to help. Crazy freak.

*

When the freak finally woke up, she was in Sadie’s room, blankets piled up high on top of her. She felt dizzy and cold and so terrible that she could hardly move. And the sun was blinding her. She tried to hide from the light, but whenever she moved, the room spun around her and it wouldn’t stop. She closed her eyes tightly and cried out.

A hand stroked her forehead instantly. “It’s okay,” Sadie said in a soft voice. “It’s okay, you’re all right now.”
The freak whimpered, but quieted. Sadie said more, but the freak wasn’t listening to her. She shivered into the blankets and Sadie put a wet towel over her eyes.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes until the freak heard a knock on the door. She tried to sit up, but Sadie pulled her down again. “Don’t. It’s just Elsa. Elsa’s been taking care of you while you were sick, don’t you remember?”

“No. I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything.”

Sadie patted the wet towel on her head and hissed. After a minute, the freak opened her eyes and noticed Sadie hovering about her. Her face looked thin and worried, more worried than the freak had ever seen before, and her eyes were baggy from lack of sleep. When she noticed the freak looking at her, she smiled uncertainly.

“You’ve been gone for a week now. I thought my father--that is, I thought you were, but you weren’t. Elsa was taking care of you. And now I am.” There was another knock. Sadie glanced at the door, but didn’t move from the freak’s side. “Elsa said she would come back soon. She’s just told my father that I’m sick and I need to stay home.”

“Oh Sadie! You’re sick? I’ll help you.” The freak tried to get up and failed, but when she moved, she shifted her leg. With a scream, she fell back, tears now streaming down her face. Sadie clasped her hand on the freak’s mouth.

“It’s okay, it’s okay! Don’t move! I’m not sick, honest. I just want to take care of you. Oh, please stop crying!” Elsa began knocking on the door louder. “Oh!” Sadie squealed and rushed towards the door.

*

13. Hold On, Hold On; Neko Case
the most tender place in my heart is for strangers
I know it's unkind, but my own blood is much too dangerous

I think this pretty much summarizes the bizarre attraction that the freak and Sadie have with Daniel. XD Really, they don't know him very well, but they love him anyway, and both of the girls are willing to do several bizarre things for him...

*

14. Orphans; Beck
Think I'm stranded but I don't know where
I got this diamond that don't know how to shine
In the sun where these dark winds wail
And these children leave their rulers behind
As we cross ten leagues from a rubicon
With matchsticks for my bones
If we could learn how to freeze ourselves alive
We could learn to leave these burdens to burn

A theme for Freak.

Actually, that's funny! I thought that "Shine on you Crazy Diamond" would be a good song for Sadie and the gang. XD But really, I like how these have dark vs. sun, freezing vs. burnt themes... those themes totally appear in FREAK. Especially the freezing and burnt themes... freezing is in part two, burnt is in part three.

*

15. The Gun; Heather Thomas
Well i'm stuck here / With a gun in my hand
Shooting at ghosts who don't understand
Your name on my lips and a knife in your back

A song for the infamous gun scene.

Haha, which gun scene? XD

I sort of see this as the gun scene with Carolina and Daniel, if only because the singer sounds kind of deranged. And let's face it... she does sort of knife Sadie's father in the back in a way... and because of that, she things that everything is over.

16. Relief; Cold War Kids
i'd love the shape
your faces make
'oh my thank you for keeping me safe'
even though you know
it don't always go that way

Weirdly enough, I see this as that scene where Carolina cheats on Sadie's father. And then he beats her up. Haha, oh yeah. They totally have the perfect marriage. XD

17. Old Enough; The Raconteurs
well, maybe when you’re old enough, you’ll realize you’re not so tough
and some days the seas get rough, and you’ll see

A song for Sadie. [/quote]

Yes! This also goes with the with Carolina's cheating.

*

“She’s not a slut!”

Elsa laughed. “You don’t know your mother very well, do you Miss Sarah?”

“But just because she succumbed to the pressure once and tried to sleep with another man doesn’t make her a slut! It’s not like she actually did it.”

“And if she had?”

“She wouldn’t have.”

Elsa laughed again. “You seem very sure of that, Miss Sarah.”

Sadie blushed. “And even if she had, it doesn’t matter because he’s probably slept with more women than she has with men, so the point is moot. He’s a hypocrite.”

Elsa shook her head. “No, he is a man. For their wedding, Carolina promised him to remain always faithful, a promise she sealed with her own blood. But he has promised nothing of the sort. She is promised to him, but not he to her.” When she saw Sadie’s defiant face, she said softly, “You’ll understand when you marry.”

“No I won’t.”

Elsa laughed. “Your mother said that too when she was younger, yet she still refused your help when you came. Why do you think that is?”

Sadie opened her mouth and closed it, a strange look coming into her eyes. Then she frowned. “I still don’t understand. I won’t understand.”

*

Unfortunately...

But we won't talk about that.

18. Sweet Little Thing; Lucero
sweet little thing, maybe I ain't no good
sweet little thing, I ain't done what I should
but let'em think what they want
but all I want is you

A song from the POV of Daniel.

Eek, yes. Daniel's kind of a jerk at first, but yeah. He kind of hates himself and he doesn't think he's worthy of the freak, especially when he is very sick. For example...

*

Daniel might have said something to this, but then he gasped and once more his body went into spasms. The freak backed away. When he finished, tears cascaded down his cheeks. “You better go away, Freak. You don’t know who I really am.”

“I know who you are,” she said uncertainly.

“Then you know I’m not worth saving. I’m a monster. You should go away.”

“But I won’t.” The freak sat next to him and stroked his face. “I know you were bad, once. You told me when we first met, remember? And Claude told me more. You sounded like an awfully mean man. But you’re nice now. You’re just tired. You should go to sleep.” He started crying again, his whole body trembling.

“I love you,” he said finally, nuzzling his head back into her lap. “I’m sorry about everything, but I love you.” She hissed gently and kissed his face.

19. Dead Faces; Okkervil River
and this picture's got a woman who looks like you / and a guy who looks just like someone i've seen
when it turns out, i hope that it turns out / i hope that it turns out the way that you dreamed.

A song for Sadie’s father; a song for Sadie.

Yes... definitely for Sadie's father... I can see how it connects him with the freak, actually.

Finally she found the silver chain around his neck. It was light and delicate and it tickled her when she ran it through her fingers. “It’s a nice necklace, isn’t it?”

“Very nice,” he said. “Would you like to see it?” She nodded and he took it off slowly.

It was a slightly tarnished silver chain holding a locket in the shape of a heart with the word “LOVE” engraved on the front. He dropped this necklace in the freak’s hand and she began to play with it. A second later, she pried it open.

“What’s inside?” she asked.

Sadie’s father hesitated. “It’s a picture. Actually, two pictures. On the left side, you can see me and a woman standing together. She’s wearing a cheap blue dress with fake sapphire earrings and I’m wearing a formal that I rented with a matching blue tie. Our outfits were terrible--I had just entered politics and we couldn’t afford anything nice back then. When we first saw the pictures we laughed each other to sleep. But it’s still nice. We’re both smiling. That’s why I kept it for so long.”

The freak nodded. “And on the other side?”

“On the other side is a picture of our baby girl in a white baptismal garment.”

*

I can also see how it could be for Sadie too...

*

“From Jenny, Mother’s old friend. She came by and gave us this. It smells good.” Sadie frowned. “But I didn’t like the way she looked at me. It made me feel bad. Like she thought I was ugly.”

He laughed. “I can imagine! You’re a ghost to her.

*

But I think this belongs more to Sadie's father.

20. Family Tree; TV on the Radio
ah me all mine / is it safe to say that we've waited patiently / call me on time
and recall the tune that has played us gracefully / all into line
there's the garden grave and a place they've saved for you / I’ll fall by your side

Eek! This is such a pretty song!

And this goes with Sadie's father and the freak, when Sadie's father teaches her how to play a C Major scale which is only slightly interrupted...

1. Wrecking; Laura Veirs
We can do some wrecking here
Til a little color comes into your face

Oy, the damage is done. The descriptive of the song reminds me of the dream that the freak has that parallels the situation:

It was early morning when the freak woke up from the most amazing dream she ever had. She sat up slowly, holding her head in her hands as if she was trying to keep her dream from slipping out through her fingers.

It had something to do with Sadie’s father--that she was sure of. But it wasn’t him. It was strange. In the dream, the freak had been perched out on the balcony and there was a rainbow of birds surrounding her. It was no longer winter and she could feel the morning sun penetrating into her back. It made her drowsy.

Sadie’s father came and began walking to the lake, as the freak had seen him do so many other times before. But this time he stopped, looking back at the house. At first, the freak had been afraid he saw her, so she ducked, but soon she found the reason why he stopped--Daniel came running out.

He was carrying a bulky parcel underneath his arm and he panted heavily as he met up with Sadie’s father.

“I’ve got something for you,” he said, his voice as clear as if the freak had been standing next to him. He handed it to Sadie’s father. It was wrapped.

Sadie’s father laughed and eyed it carefully, pressing his ear closer to the present as he shook it. “What can it be?”
“Open it.” Sadie’s father smiled and tore the colorful wrapping away.

It was a cage.

At first, the freak was disappointed in the gift and almost turned away, but then she noticed there was something inside it. A tiny sparrow fluttered helplessly about, looking confused and incredibly lost in the great cage.

“Cute bird,” Sadie’s father remarked, peering closer. Daniel only nodded his head. Then Sadie’s father smiled mischievously, letting his fingers brush against the lock. He snapped it open and threw back the small door.

The sparrow flew away.

This seemed to be funny to Sadie’s father and he threw down the cage, laughing all the while. The cage bounced once, twice, before shattering on the ground. Daniel jumped on it several times and then it was a mad rush! Both of the men were kicking away the cage, stomping and dancing on it until it all disappeared. Daniel looked up at Sadie’s father, a great smile on his face, and then they both turned to the freak, waving frantically. She blushed and almost turned away when she noticed something funny.

Sadie’s father wasn’t just waving one hand--he was waving both!

And then, before she could say anything, his human form melted into a great bird’s form. Harder and harder he flapped his wings until he flew, circling around Daniel at first before coming by the freak.

She could feel her heart pulse with joy and she leapt up for him, her feet springing off the very edge of the balcony. And, for an instant, she could feel herself and the lovely blue sky become one. She was flying.

But someone called out for her--Sadie perhaps?--and she looked behind her. And then she realized how far away she was from the balcony and how hard the ground looked and, slowly, she felt herself fall from the sky. At once, dirt rushed into her mouth and a familiar pain rang through her ankle, and it hurt. She cried out, desperately looking to the sky, but it was in vain.

He flew away from her.

2. Comfortably Numb; Pink Floyd
Come on now / I hear you're feeling down
I can ease your pain / And get you on your feet again
Relax / I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts / Can you show me where it hurts

For Sadie’s Father and Beth/Freak

Hehe! I picked this song! Iwas thinking more of Carolina and the freak (because we love heroin!) because Carolina drugs her up so that the freak isn't able to look at her face. Or maybe Sadie and her father, towards the end of part one? Something like that...

3. Fields Of Gold; Sting
So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

A song for Beth and Daniel; and for their time spent together.

Aw, yes. I picked this song too! In fact... I totally based a part of the story from this song.

*

Finally, on the other side of the house, Daniel plopped down on a slight hill. The grass was long and it looked as if Daniel had disappeared completely into the grass, save for his head. The freak laughed and sat down beside him.

“So what’s the surprise?” the freak asked. Daniel kissed her forehead gently.

“Wait.”

So they waited. After the walk, the freak was comfortably warm, but several minutes later, she shivered again. Daniel wrapped his arm around her. “It’ll warm up soon, love,” he told her. “The sun will come out, just as it always does.”

“I know.”

He laid back into the grass and the freak quickly nuzzled into him. As he stroked her hair with his hand, she felt her eyes grow heavy. She tried to stay awake, to be surprised, but Daniel just pressed his body closer to her.

“It’s okay, angel,” he murmured. The sky glowed softly behind him and now only one star shone out from the sky. He brushed a stray strand of hair away from her eyes. “You can sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s time.”

She nodded.

She didn’t really fall asleep. Her eyes closed and her body relaxed, but she still felt Daniel’s hot breath tickling her chin. While her eyes were closed, he tried not to move or disrupt her, but occasionally she heard a content sigh from him or his fingers would get too eager and he would brush her cheek lightly.

Minutes passed and finally he kissed her head. “Angel? Look up now.”

4. One More Night (Your Ex-Lover Remains Dead); Stars
One more night, that was a good one
One more night, I dreamed it was good one (one more)
One more night, that was a good one
One more night, the end should be a good one
A good one

For the triangle or polygonal shape that is the relationship between Claude, Sadie and the Freak.

Eek! I picked this one too. This is TOTALLY Claude's song. Guh. He's kind of a perv. This can also sort of almost apply to Sadie's father if you squint just right. But definitely Claude's song, and I think it mostly applies to Claude and the freak, because Sadie, as hinted at, isn't quite the best lover and she's too passive for Claude, who likes a little spirit from his female companions. The freak and Claude do complement each other more, and Claude definitely prefers her, if only because she's the oldest woman there, but because of all this they can totally get on each other's nerves. She doesn't like that he's willing to do certain things for her, so he can manipulate her better, and he doesn't like that she can love so deeply, even past his bad leg, yet at the same time her love can never be exclusive. It drives him nuts, and because he wants her love completely, he can never be satisfied and this makes him treat her more like crap, which makes the relationship even funnier.

Haha, I am being obtuse. Let me put it this way: the freak only says she hates one thing, really. And that thing is Claude. But that doesn't stop them from getting in bizarre situations together.

5. Wake Up, Little Sparrow ; Devendra Banhart
wake up, wake up, little sparrow
don't make your home out in the snow
little bird, oh don't you know?
your friends flew south many months ago

A song for Beth/Freak.

Did I mention that birds and weather were common symbolism in FREAK? Lol! Well, they are. The freak is often symbolized as the sparrow and she views snow with fear, if only because she finds the absolute whiteness blinding.

6. A Million Ways; Ok Go
i should, i wish i could, maybe if you were i would
a list of standard issue regrets
one last eighty proof, slouchin' in the corner booth
baby, it's as good as it gets

oh darlin'
you're a million ways to be cruel

A theme song for Claude.

Eek. I don't know if it's a coincidence that Cal chose the song with the lyrics "one last eighty proof, slouchin' in the corner booth / baby, it's as good as it gets" but yeah. Claude can be extremely cruel, and in one particular thing, he actually gets Sadie very very drunk, which causes some conflict. But yeah. Even though he's old and crippled, he definitely knows how to manipulate things in his favor.

7. Slipping Husband; The National
spending all your time
somewhere inside your head
haunted by the important
life you coulda lead

but your kisses aren't enough
to keep your kids in line
so you better straighten out yourself
and give your baby time
cause if you don't give her what she needs
she'll get it where she can

A song for Sadie’s father.

Haha, I picked this song too! And yeah. Sadie's father, for being called "Sadie's father" for almost the whole story, is actually one of the worst fathers in existence, if only because he cannot understand his daughter at her deepest levels.

8. The Beach Song; Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Tell me does your body know
How it's supposed to grow?
Tell me to ignore something I adore

This could be right
if you could see the clearer light
In my head, in my dreams…

Claude’s infatuation.

Okay, by this time, you should totally get the hint. XD

9. Dark Eyes; Iron And Wine
I live in another world where life and death are memorized
Where the earth is strung with lover's pearls and all I see are dark eyes

[…]

They tell me to be discreet for all intended purposes
They tell me revenge is sweet and from where they stand, I'm sure it is
But I feel nothing for their game, where beauty goes unrecognized
All I feel is heat and flame, and all I see are dark eyes

A theme for Claude.

Actually, this brings something interesting up... it's not just sex that Claude is obsessed with, it's perfection in general. He decorates his whole house with these lovely statues of naked girls, he even has a roomful of banned art, and he even has a library full of banned, yet lovely, books. He loves beauty more than anything, really, so he doesn't really fit the mold as a politician who is supposed to not care about anything lovely, which is pretty fantastic. It's beauty that he desires.

10. Stone Cold Crazy; Queen
Sleeping very soundly on a Saturday morning
I been dreaming I was Al Capone
There's a rumor going round
Gotta clear outta town
Yeah, I'm smelling like a dry fish bone
Here come the law

Gonna break down the door
Gonna carry me away once more
Never, I never, I never want it anymore
Gotta get away from this stone cold floor
Crazy...
Stone cold crazy, you know

A song for Carolina; and perhaps partly for Sadie’s father.

Lol, it takes two to tango, no?

I actually think that Carolina and Sadie's father did marry for love and, at one time, were extremely passionate towards each other. But... they are too passionate, and unfortunately, that tends to create rifts.

11. Chocolate; Snow Patrol
You're the only thing that I love
Scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer
Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done? It's too late for that
What have I become? Truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask, this time.

A song for Freak, Sadie’s Father, Daniel, and various others in Freak

I picked this song! <3 Eek, I love it. It just really fit...

I thought these lyrics were particularly fitting:

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

It's funny because it totally does fit the freak, Sadie's father, and Daniel. I mean, the song is all about being naive and starting out with love, so you would expect that the two guys would be beyond that, but the freak totally brings out a different part of them.

12. There There. (The Boney King Of Nowhere); Radiohead
we are accidents
waiting, waiting to happen

A theme for Freak.

Hehe, this is a creepy song. I like the rocks and water (why do you think the freak sprains her ankle, lol?) and the references to color.

13.This Place Is A Prison; The Postal Service
There are guards at the on-ramps
Armed to the teeth
And you may case the grounds
From the Cascades to Puget Sound
But you are not permitted to leave

I know there's a big world out there
Like the one I saw on the screen
In my living room late last night
It was almost too bright to see

A song for the time spent at Claude’s and literally—in prison.

Psh! None of the characters actually get sent to prison per se, for the duration anyway... but yeah. Groups of men in FREAK generally mean that you are going to be hurt until you can't see or stand. And yes, they are armed and they will kill you, if they want.

14. The Smiths; The Boy With The Thorn In His Side
the boy with the thorn in his side
behind the hatred there lies
a murderous desire for love

A theme for Claude; and his obsession with Freak.

“But let’s not talk about that,” Claude finally said, shifting in his seat. “I know I’ve been bad. At first, I thought I was reacting in a logical manner, since you were a freak and, being a freak, you had to be punished, but the punishment exceeded any punishment that I’ve ever given before. And, even after a couple of weeks of being safe, I didn’t relent. I kept up the punishment, even when I knew it was wrong. I tried to justify myself, of course, but I can’t. I’ve wronged you, all because of jealousy. And I’m sorry for that. You have given me no reason to doubt your fidelity and I have taken your affections for granted for far too long.” His voice trembled. “The fact of the matter is, I can’t help the way I feel. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone else the way I love you, and I just wanted you to know that.”

15. Dave Matthews Band – The Dreaming Tree
Now he’s falling hard, he feels the falling dark,
How he longs to be, beneath his dreaming tree

[...]

Now she’s falling hard, she feels the fall of dark,
How did this fall apart? She drinks to fill it up

A song for Daniel and Freak—the “he” being Daniel, and the “she” being Beth/Freak.

I think this is more of Daniel and the freak with that plan... guh. The plan!

*

Daniel looked around. “Would you like to go for a walk? It’s a pretty night and I’m not sleepy. Besides, I want to talk to you.”

Her head suddenly throbbed. “About what?” she asked.

“Anything, really.” When the freak stared at him, he tried to shrug. “Over the past week or so, I haven’t really been good to you. We’ve been drifting apart, and it’s been making us both miserable. If we can talk about the things that are bothering us, then maybe it’ll be better.” When she hesitated, he said, “Listen, why don’t we go downstairs? I’ll tell you more about the plan.”

The freak laughed, her head hurting more than ever. “No, don’t tell me anything about that plan. I don’t want to know any more about it.”

Daniel shook his head. “It’s essential that you know.”

“No, it’s not," the freak said. “I know about it already. You want to die for me because you think I’ll be free. But I won’t. I’ll never be free.”

Daniel flinched. “That wasn’t the plan. Not entirely.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Why would I lie about something like that?”

“Because you love me.”
Daniel paled. “Again, why would I lie to you about something like that?” When she hesitated, he touched her hand. “Angel, this is precisely why I wanted to talk to you. You needn’t be afraid of what will happen to me.”

The freak shook her head, tears pricking her eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

16. Superman's Dead; Our Lady Peace
do you worry that you're not liked / how long till you break
you're happy cause you smile / but how much can you fake
an ordinary boy an ordinary name / but ordinary's just not good enough today

A theme song for Freak.

Haha, actually, this reminds me of Sadie. XD

*

The freak opened her mouth to disagree, but then Sadie blushed. “Whether he hated me or not is not the issue. I have identified my problem and now I will amend it. I shall become new again! And I’m making a list to help.”

“A list?”

“Yes, a list.” And there, Sadie went off about the changes she would make. She would be happy in every situation she was in and smile cheerfully no matter what happened. The freak was skeptical.

“It sounds like you’re becoming a freak.”

Sadie scowled. “Don’t be so pessimistic! The reason why my life has been so terrible is because I made it that way. I only saw misery in life. No more! I shall face life smiling.”

“And then you’ll be happier?”

“That’s the idea.”

17. I’ll Believe In Anything; Wolf Parade
So give me your eyes / I need sunshine / Give me your eyes
I need sunshine / Your blood, your bones / Your voice, and your ghost
We've both been very brave / Walk around with both legs / Wait for the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves / But I'll believe in anything
And you'll believe in anything / If I could take the fire out from the wire
I'd share a life and you'd share a life

A song for and about the plan.

Yes. The plan. When I first wrote FREAK, I created this "plan" that would make everything work out all right. But then, as I continued writing, the plan just fell apart. It was one of those bizarre, surreal moments that make me wonder if I even had control over the novel. The plan just kept on falling apart, and even as I tried to rebuilt it, the characters simply tore it apart.

*

She stared at him. “No. No! The plan! ... Unless the plan changed and now I’m your freak. Is that it now?”

Daniel shook his head. “No, love. You’re nobody’s freak.”

A cry rose in her throat and for a second, she felt dizzy, but Daniel touched her shoulder gently and kissed her cheek. “Oh love! Our plans wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Don’t you see? It was just a dream.”

18. Wish You Were Here; Pink Floyd
And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

A theme for Freak; also a song for Sadie’s Father.

Hehe! I picked this song. It is good for FREAK, yes, but I did it for Sadie and her father. More particularly, I did it for this scene (which probably makes no sense without context, but whatever):

*

He held her hand and stroked her arms. Then he frowned. Very softly, he began to sing, “One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer...”

Tears slid down Sadie’s face. She joined him. “You take one down and pass it around, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.”

*

LOL. Those who read all of FREAK are probably squirming, those who haven't are thinking, "WTF?"

19. Violet Hill; Coldplay
I don't want to be a soldier
Who the captain of some sinking ship
Would stow far below

If you love me
Why'd you let me go?

I took my love down to Violet Hill
There we sat in snow
All that time she was silent still

She looked at Daniel. “What should I do?”

He stared down at his arm and poked it. Then he made a face and turned to back to the freak. “Go with Sadie to Claude. And don’t come back for me. I always knew this was going to be a one-way trip.” He tried to sit up and gasped. “Well?” he said. “Aren’t you going to leave?”

The freak nodded and leaned over to kiss his head. Tears suddenly filled in his eyes. He blinked them back and reached over with his right arm to squeeze her hand.

“Goodbye, my love,” he murmured.

20. It's Not Over Yet (Klaxons Cover); Goldfrapp
don't let me down
don't make a sound
don't throw it all away

A theme song for after the plan, Sadie’s Father, and the rescue.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” he whispered, playing with a strand of her hair.

She shook her head.

It was quiet for a moment. Finally, he said, “It’s not too late to back down yet. Tomorrow, it will be, but you can always back down now.”

1. Opening; Craig Armstrong
[Instrumental]

2. Pioneers; Bloc Party
You said you were going to conquer new frontiers,
Go stick your bloody head in the jaws of the beast
We promised the world, we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?

A theme for Freak

Easier said than done. Which, actually pretty much summarizes the plan. XD

3. Well Thought Out Twinkles; Silversun Pickups
come join in the last hurrah with open sores and open jaw
find one last flaw and keep it safe and free from harm
what have you done it's too early for everyone
so smile go inside come to see there is no sign

A song for Edward.

Edward has his own song! YAY!

*

“Do you believe him?”

Tears burned her eyes. “You said we had to have faith,” she murmured. “You said we had to have faith.”

Edward shook his head. “You have to have faith in what is right. And if you cannot understand this, then you’re just as much as a freak as everyone else is.”

4. The Ice Is Getting Thinner; Death Cab For Cutie
We're not the same, dear, as we used to be;
The seasons have changed and so have we.
There was little we could say, and even less we could do,
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.

A song for everything falling apart; a song for Caroline and Sadie’s Father.

Oy... yes. Sadie's father and Carolina. Crazy romance...

5. Starstuck; Santogold
We all find you easy so amuse us
Don't get too heady you might abuse luck
You're starstruck.

A song for Beth/Freak.

The freaks is so joyous and appreciative of any beauty that she sees that she finds herself getting out of a lot of bad positions that she otherwise would be trapped in. Unfortunately, her luck doesn't hold always...

6. Oh! You Pretty Things; Au Revoir Simone
Look out my window and what do I see?
A crack in the sky and a hand reaching down to me
All the nightmares came today
And it looks as though they're here to stay

What are we coming to?
No room for me, no fun for you
I think about a world to come
Where the books were found by the Golden ones
Written in pain, written in awe
By a puzzled man who questioned
What we were here for.

A song for the main characters of Freak

Actually! The first couple of lyrics make me think of this part:

*

It took a while for her to come to the room, but once she did, she was pleased to see that Sadie’s father was there, alone. “I brought you some tea,” she said politely, setting the tea tray down on a small, makeshift table. He looked surprised.

“Where did you get that?”

“In the kitchen.”

“I thought I closed that off.”

“Not very.” She poured some tea into a teacup and handed it to him. “I make good tea. The headmistress always said so.”

Sadie’s father frowned and then nodded. He stared at his tea.

“Where’s Sadie?” the freak asked.

“She’s in bed still. Daniel’s watching over her, so she’ll be fine. She just needs to sleep.” He sighed and rubbed his head. “I don’t understand. Her nightmares are illogical. I can understand monsters, but not socks.”

*

He really doesn't get her at all.

7. Gathering Fingers; Stolen Babies
I’m going to start a fight, it’s clinging to my eyes
I’d hoped to rely on something else
I’m sure it isn’t right
I know someone should anchor me
But if you had heard the things I did
How anyone like that could live

I’m sorry you had to see this side of me

And no one can take your place
The last thing you see will be this side of me

A song for Sadie’s Father.

Haha... oh yes. Sadie's father. This song is so nightmarish that it has to be that scene. But that part pretty much brings out the worst of everybody, from the freak to Edward, to Claude to the other guys.

Speaking of other guys... the song actually reminds me of this scene:

*

The guard swallowed. “I’m not sorry,” he whispered.

Edward stared at him blankly. “Why should be sorry? You’re only doing your job.”

8. Everybody Wants To Rule The World; Tears For Fears
Welcome to your life / There's no turning back
Even while we sleep / We will find you acting on your best behavior
Turn your back on Mother Nature / Everybody wants to rule the world

A theme for Freak.

Definitely! Actually, it was one of the songs that inspired me to make Sadie's father a non-evil character, lol. After all, the society is against him as much as it is against everybody else.

9. Be Somebody; Kings Of Leon
taking to the floor
with the reach to the sky
I loosen my tie
I loosen my tie

[…]

now it's your time
and you know where you stand
with a gun in your hand
with a gun in your hand
now no longer an ordinary man
was this your big plan,
your gun in your hand?

A song for Sadie’s Father, and, in some part, Daniel.

More Sadie's father than Daniel though.

*

“Freak, you may want to go back to your quarters until this mess has been settled. Unless, of course, you want to say goodbye to your master first. You would like that, wouldn’t you?” he added to Sadie’s father as the freak backed away. Sadie’s father glowered at him.

“I hate you.”

“That’s very nice,” Claude said. “But this time, I am victorious, and as such, I expect certain privileges. If you think you are going to walk out and tell anyone what just happened here, you are very wrong. In fact, if I were you, I would hope that I would not be sent away. Although you might like it. Then you could meet with your freakish family again. I’m sure it would be a very warm reunion. Maybe you would even melt with happiness.”

Sadie’s father twitched, but said nothing.

“Now, if you please, give me your gun and step away from Daniel.”

“Why? It’s not even real.” Before Claude could say anything, he took the gun out and pulled the trigger. A pink gumball fell out and rolled across the hardwood floor. “Pathetic, isn’t it? I made it when I was bored.”

Claude frowned. “Do you usually pack toys in your pockets?”

“Only on special occasions.”

*

Haha, no, that's not what this song is about. The song is about the other scene involving Sadie's father and guns. Really... there are three separate scenes involving him with guns. It's kind of pathetic. xD

But it's not about guns, I think. It's about power. And, when you have power, what do you do with it?

*

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, don’t you see?” She tried to smile. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just a freak.” And then she put her head in her hands and cried.

If it were Daniel she had cried in front of, she would have expected him to rush to her sympathetically, perhaps wrap his arm around her shoulders and say nice things to her. But Sadie’s father only sat there and watched, which made her feel more embarrassed and miserable and lonelier than ever. A minute passed and then another. Finally the freak turned to Sadie’s father, and choked.

“Oh, why don’t you be a good master and kill me?”

“Because I’m not a good master. You know that.”

“Yes. But I wish you were nicer.”

He hesitated for a moment before sitting beside her. His hand slipped into his pocket and he brought forth a handkerchief. She turned away from him, hiding her head, but he chased away her hands and dried her tears. Finally, when she only hiccupped, he knelt down in front of her.

“Listen to me, child,” he whispered. “I know you’re upset, and I’m sorry for that. It’s my fault.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she murmured. “Please don’t. You’re my master.”

“No, child. I’m not your master. I’m nobody’s master, don’t you see? I never tried to master you, nor anyone else. It’s better this way.”

“Don’t say that, sir...”

*

10. Hero; Regina Spektor
I'm the hero of the story
Don't need to be saved
It's alright, it's alright

A song for Sadie’s Father, and for Beth/Freak.

“What’s the plan now?” the freak asked. When Sadie’s father hesitated, she frowned. “Or do we have a plan anymore?”

He kissed her head gently. “We wait, my freak. We wait.”

11. Passing Afternoon; Iron & Wine
There are things that drift away like our endless, numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves

There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children 'till she let's them go at last
And she's chosen where to be, though she's lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of Bougainvillea seeds

A theme for the end of Freak.

Haha, yes! Definitely for the very end. Eek! So pretty. <3 I mean... yeah. Pretty!

12. All of This Past; Sarah Bettens
And I have searched for the reason to go on, I’ve tried and I’ve tried,
But it’s taking me so long - I might be better off closing my eyes.
And God will come looking for me in time,
All of this dust, all of this past, all of this over and gone, and never coming back.

A song for Beth/Freak imprisoned.

The freak watched, dazed as flames licked the smoke and the two danced together.

Ash sprinkled on her face.

13. Sour Times; Portishead
after time the bitter taste
of innocence decent or race
scattered seeds, buried lives
mysteries of our disguise revolve
circumstance will decide

A theme for the end of Freak

LOL! It seems like the end of FREAK is spread over a dozen chapters. Big, anyone?

This is what it reminds me of:

*

“You’re a freak, you know that? A freak. I was a fool for thinking you as anything else. ... And to think, there was a time I thought I loved you.”

The freak’s eyes suddenly swam with tears. “I love you still,” she murmured. He laughed.

“Don’t fool yourself, Beth. You have no one now. Besides, who would save a freak like you?”

14. Eskimo Joe; How Does It Feel
You're gonna lose everything
How does it feel?
I'm not scared so much of trying
But don't look up, you might start flying

A song for Sadie’s Father and the plan.

Oh dear. Yeah. Over and over again, the idea of the plan... epic fail! But Sadie's father particularly loses in almost every respect. It's rather sad, actually...

*

“Stop changing the subject and listen to me!” Sadie’s father cried. “Daniel probably had no idea what he was doing. He’s an idealist, he wouldn’t want to hurt us intentionally. But it doesn’t matter. We have to figure out what we’re going to do.” His face turned desperate. “You know my situation. You know it better than most. Let me help you..."

15. Trouble Sleeping; The Perishers
never cared too much about honesty

Haha, judging by the lyrics, this song is for Sadie. ^^ I mean, Sadie's father is bothered by honesty. Sadie? Not so much. She sort of lives in her own little world.

*

During the nights, the freak and Sadie would retreat into the room, but most nights Sadie wasn’t able to sleep very well, though she pretended that nothing was wrong. She kept very still and tried to make her breathing slow and rhythmic, but her breathing was too shallow for sleep and it kept the freak awake. Most nights, Sadie was able to fall asleep after an hour, so the freak didn’t mind, but one night Sadie couldn’t fall asleep at all. Finally, after a couple of hours, the freak stood up.

“I’m going to get your father.”

Sadie squealed in protest, but the freak ignored her. A minute later, she woke up Sadie’s father, who was sleeping on the rocking chair, and brought him to the room. He yawned. “Is everything okay?”

Sadie was mortified and couldn’t speak, but Sadie’s father quickly realized what had happened. He quickly reassured her that everything was all right--he couldn’t sleep either. “May I sit with you?” he asked politely.

Sadie considered this for a moment before scooting over. “What do you want me to do?” she asked shyly.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” And there, he rocked her gently and sang her pretty songs in different languages, until Sadie’s eyes closed and she fell asleep. But Sadie’s father would not leave her side and, his arms still wrapped around her, he fell asleep.

16. Save Me; Aimee Mann
Come on and save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone

I chose this song!

Basically, it's the whole question of what is a freak, and this song hints that love is what makes someone normal.

17. Your Exit; Umbrellas
and i'll be your exit if you'll just give me mine.

I think at one point, Sadie's father is like, "What if we trade places?" Not those exact words, but he's kind of desperate. Did I mention that in the plan that totally doesn't work, he gets the worst deal? XD

18. Asleep; The Smiths
don't try to wake me in the morning
'cause i will be gone
don't feel bad for me
i want you to know
deep in the cell of my heart
i will feel so glad to go

This is probably for Sadie. Yay for random plot twists!

19. Little Waltz; Basia Bulat
you and i, we make a grand salute.
stare at each other like lost little birds across the room.
stay for a while, while our leaves are still green.
please, for me.

A song for Daniel, Sadie's Father, Edward, Claude, Sadie, and Freak.

All but two of the cast of FREAK (no Elsa or Carolina in here). They're the ones who've broken the rules... and yet have survived the worst, despite everything.

20. Death And All His Friends; Coldplay
No I don’t want to battle from beginning to end
I don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge
I don’t want to follow Death and all of his friends

No I don’t want to battle from beginning to end
I don’t want a cycle of recycled revenge
I don’t want to follow Death and all of his friends

And in the end
We lie awake, and we dream of making our escape

For El Fin.

This pretty much summarizes FREAK. ^_^ And yeah, this is also essentially what makes up the ending of FREAK. Remember, the idea is, "What is a freak?"

*


“No, that’s not why I came,” she murmured. “I didn’t come to say I’m sorry.”

“Then why did you come?”

She laughed again. “I wanted to fly.”

Tourists rob you of your home
in sunken boats.
And you can hide quiet as a mouse
but they'll find you out.
And she asked me what have you felt
so down and out.
You can stay with me at my house.

When I woke my back was broke from lyin on the floor.
Sunlight poured through all the cracks in my front door.

Wake up you've got a lot of things to do;
wake up the sun is rising without you.

This totally applies to the first part, where the freak and Sadie's father are still in the meeting phase. He feels that basically his life is kind of collapsing on him (with Carolina acting as recklessly as she does and Sadie's imminent marriage, and all he really wants to do is lay low and such. So when the freak comes and is actually nice to him and likes him, he's kind of shocked and pleasantly surprised. But when he reacts to her kindness with kindness of his own, it totally backfires on him. And thus, he breaks his house and home in the most horrible way possible.

Tourists robbed me of my child.
They smoked him out.
He was draft dodgin some war
till they found him out.
And he came wanderin in the night
to his mom and me.
And he said times, they gotta change,
but so do we.

When I woke I was alive in somebody's room.
I felt life and love and hope infested my bones.

Wake up you've got a lot of things to do;
wake up the sun is rising without you.

This applies to the first part of Part 3, when he struggles with Sadie, and especially when he finds out exactly what happened in Part 2. This horrifies him, but more than that, Sadie's reaction horrifies him more. When he offers her a way to escape, she refuses this, insisting that things have changed and that she has changed with them. It is the freak that gives him his escape this time and tears him away from this nightmare, allowing him to be himself for once, without running away or judging him. Thus, the hope and love.

Though really... that probably hurt him more in the long run. XD

When I woke my body was dyin all over the floor.
I felt apathy and hate infested my bones.

Wake up you've got a lot of things to do;
wake up the sun is rising without you.

This is probably when he got shot. Because, you know, if you're in FREAK, you have to get shot! And if you're really lucky, you'll survive for a couple of months... and then get shot again! I think only three characters (out of eight) end up not getting shot... though all of them get guns pointed at them. It's quite pathetic actually... I guess I have an obsession? Not that Sadie's father is really upset by this. He's like, "Lolwut? I got shot?" He's mostly just really really surprised and amused that Claude is freaking out as much as he is. Because... and let's face it... Claude's kind of a pansy.

Though Claude's not as much as a pansy as Daniel is when he gets shot. Daniel's like, "OMG. SOMEBODY'S POINTING A GUN AT ME. I AM JUST GOING TO STAND HERE REALLY REALLY STILL AT POINT BLANK RANGE AND HOLD MY BREATH." Yeeeeeeeeah. Good luck with that, Danny-Boy.

In contrast: Sadie's father, when he gets shot, starts laughing at Claude and calls him an idiot. Uh huh. Sadie's father has gonads. And it doesn't hurt that he would totally kill Claude if you gave him half the chance. Uh huh. Sadie's father is meeeeeeean. I kind of want to smack him silly whenever I reread it. Which is funny because people think, "OMG, CLAUDE'S SO HORRIBLE!" But Sadie's father is almost as horrible as Claude. See: relationship with Carolina. Now tell me that Claude is the worst lover around. At least he doesn't want to marry Sadie and is trying to do his best to wriggle out of that one. Sadie's father doesn't mind keeping a failed marriage... and beating up Carolina or humiliating her in front of their daughter whenever he doesn't get his way. WE LOVE SADIE'S FATHER. And as far as Claude and the whole, "OMG, HE KILLED ________." Well. Sadie's father pretty much said that he never wanted to have Sadie... in front of Sadie, much to the utter humiliation of her mother.

I HATE HIM.

He's not all bad, of course. But REALLY. What an uber douche! >.<

Lol. I hate my characters. XD

Anyway, one of the most repeated lines of this song is: "Wake up you've got a lot of things to do;/wake up the sun is rising without you." Which kind of summarizes Sadie's father because he screws so much up in his temper tantrums that most of his days are spent trying to fix up everything. And trust me... he has a lot to fix. Especially during Part 3. Because he is an idiot.