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Untitled

I stare at a regular piece of paper and it occurs to me it can represent me.
Paper starts of as a tiny seed like a child in the womb, it is fragile and unaware
of what awaits it. Then what, a sappling that will undergo changes and be entered
into a world of fear and hate. Soon itll become a tree that will eventually be cut down, brusised and beat, and never again the same. It matures and continues life but it will always remember it used to strong and innocent.

maybe you guys can tell me how it sounds, i wrote this for a class and received a fairly good grade on it.

Well...to be honest, I quite liked it, but it could use some revision.

I stare at a regular piece of paper and it occurs to me it can represent me.

I dont know about those last few words..."occurs to me it can represent me"...they seem a little off somehow - possibly the repetition of 'me'. You might be better off changing it to read "it could be me"; I know it doesnt get rid of the 'me' but it makes it flow better, IMHO.

Paper starts of as a tiny seed like a child in the womb, it is fragile and unaware
of what awaits it.

This bit is fine. A good analogy, if not particularly original. Strong images here.

Then what, a sappling that will undergo changes and be entered
into a world of fear and hate.

Spellcheck; 'sapling'. Perhaps you could put a question mark beside 'then what' - "Then what? a sapling that will undergo changes...etc.". Kind of Shakespearean. And while we're on the subject, I dont think "undergo changes" works for me, personally. Its weak when compared to your previous imagery. Something stronger - 'metamorphose'? Something with a bit of zest.

Soon itll become a tree that will eventually be cut down, brusised and beat, and never again the same.

Grammar check: "Soon it will". 'Eventually' needs to go. More specifics here! You need some power! Replace "cut" with "torn" or "ripped" or something with a little more bite. Grammar again: "bruised and beaten". You could get rid of the "and" before "never again the same" too, I think.

It matures and continues life but it will always remember it used to strong and innocent.

I assume you meant to say "used to BE strong and innocent". Quite a good last line, some follow-through punch there but it could be stronger. Might want to play with it a little. Otherwise, good job, I'm not surprised you got a good grade.

thank you for your advice...and thank for the comp

Cute, sad, but a bit taboo. Its not exactly an original subject, but you did a good job to make it memorable. One thing

It matures and continues life but it will always remember it used to strong and innocent.


Should get its own line.

This is neat! But I would like to see more line breaks...

I definitely think it could use linebreaks. However, you do portray your feelings well and I must say I like that a lot. Try separating your thoughts more and try (as often as possible) to title your piece so we have a slight idea what its about and whether we want to read it or not (sorry, I mean we should just look at your username and know that we should read it. ). Good work.

Thank you for your crit...and i do have problem with line breaks...as youve noticed...lol...

I thought the poem was clever. It had a lot of emotion in it. I like the way you made paper grow up with a human. I really liked it. It was a very creative poem. Good work!