Our Dance of Love

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 2
Glistening bodies entwined
in an ageless erotic dance,
seeking pleasures from each other,
seeking wonder and romance.

I touch your face with tenderness.
You draw my body near.
Aching, needing hunger
will make our destiny clear.

Our lips meet in soft kisses,
our tongues begin passion's war.
Forgotten now, the outside world.
All is here, behind this door.

You stroke my body tenderly,
I arch up for your caress.
You find my silken portal
and my womanly wetness.

I moan in fiery desire
and you pull your hand away,
wishing to end this exquisite torture
and get on with passion's play.

I straddle your waiting body,
ease you into my feminine hollow.
I lead you on a rhythmic dance,
your thrusting hips must follow.

I ride you faster, even then,
to hear your wondrous sighs.
I show you all the delights
I have between my womanly thighs.

We stare into each others eyes
and gasp as ecstasy unreels,
and tangles us in a lover's knot
that every answer reveals.

Sated, we lie side by side,
spent but hungering still.
I touch you where our passion came
and tastes our lovers spill.

Our mouths meet in passionate need,
hungry animals once more.
This time you rise above me,
my body to explore.

Our ballet begins again,
as you thrust your manhood in,
vowing not to end the dance
unless my cries you win.

Like beasts of old we become,
riding with desire,
only resting our throbbing bodies
when sated by our fire.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 7
This is an AMAZING poem. It is so rich in our innate desires to love and make love. I felt like I was by a raging fire back in the pagan days, dancing round and round. It made me feel very much alive, and very engulfed in this poetic flame. I will not criticize on this poem, on account that to me it is very well done. And plus, being criticized by a youngin' is usually a criticique for critiques sake if you get what I mean. I thought it was exciting, wild, and sexy. You did a wonderful job, and I honestly believe there could be no other way to write it. Plus it is done in your own words, in your own way, so if others criticize your work seeing "mistakes" in words, it is sometimes best to ignore.

Wonderful Job! I hope to read more from you!
SOL




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 10
I have to start by saying that this is really really great. The imagery was great, the rhyme scheme, the choice or words everything. It read like a story, and was very entertaining. I felt you described the act perfectly, and I enjoyed it coming from a woman's POV. My favorite parts:
1."Our lips meet in soft kisses,

our tongues begin passion's war.

Forgotten now, the outside world.

All is here, behind this door." I think the tongues begin passion's war is amazing.

2."Our ballet begins again,

as you thrust your manhood in,

vowing not to end the dance

unless my cries you win." Great way to start verse with our ballet begins again, perfect way to end it still playing on the same idea.




User avatar
XavierJohnson123
Gender
Points 0
Reviews 0
Wow! Some of you writers are incredible. I mean I really enjoy being apart of this website and being able to see young writers become great writers. Your poem was extremely amazing and damn there erotic. I mean just reading it, I became held by suspense, waiting for the next movement of love to take place. I could picture everything in my head. The bodies entwined. The curves and tidal waves that two people make. I had this wondrous image that replayed it self out of beauty and desire. This was great! It was tastefully created and I believe remarkably inspired. You captivated me with sounds and expressions. A wave of sensation that was more then I can handle. You really are a great writer. You should definitely submit this piece in a contest and see where it takes you. You have the gift babe. I look forward to reading and reviewing more of your material. Good job!.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 10087
Reviews 701
Hi there, welcome to YWS! You've made a good start with this poem; the rhyming is hardly forced at all and the rhythm works well with the subject matter. You definitely have a gift for vivid imagery. Before I get fully into my critique, however, I'd just like to remind you of the site rules (see HERE for more info). YWS has a 2:1 review ratio policy, which means in part that we ask new members to please leave critiques of at least two works by other authors before they post their own pieces here. That way, you get a feel for the place and you get more posting points, so that you can explore and post in other forums. So before you post any more of your poems here, we'd appreciate it if you could take a look around and comment on some of the pieces you enjoy. Thanks!

If you have any questions or need help with anything at all, feel free to PM me or one of the other mods (we're the ones in green) or instructors (purple) and we'll be happy to help you out. Look forward to seeing you around!

Cheers,
~bubbles
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)



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