Brown Eyes

Your love is there
As I look into your eyes

You gaze back at me
With understanding
Deep luxurious
Brown eyes

My stomach tightens
With the excitement

My body sweats
From the warm glow
Of your love for me
Of your eyes

Brown eyes gaze into mine
As we smile at each other
Both knowing

Nice! Simple, poetic... just the way I like it!

However, these lines:

My body sweats
From the warm glow
Of your love for me
Of your eyes

Brown eyes gaze into mine
As we smile at each other
Both knowing

I would write as this:

My body sweats
From the warm glow
Of your love
From your eyes

Brown eyes gaze into mine
As we smile
Both knowing

But that doesn't quite look right. Hmm. It sounds better to me though.

The problem with being a poet is not only do the words have to sound right, but they have to look right also. A never-ending conflict if you will! It takes a lot of skill to be a poet (which is one reason why I try not to write much poetry). Even so, I love the simplicity of this...

Good work and good luck!

I agree about how in some parts the words just don't seem quite right, but I'm such an awful poet that I hardly ever bother. This is good, though. I especially liked, "deep luxurious". Those brought to mind some really cool images. Good work overall.

You captured a nice moment here. I agree, though, that some wording needs work.

My body sweats
From the warm glow
Of your love for me
Of your eyes

My personal nitpick- sweat is caused by heat. A glow emits light, but not necessarily heat.

Along the line of my predecessors: the wording and punctuation, as it stands, implies that the eyes are doing the loving.

I'd add a dash, comma, or "and" to imply that both the eyes and love are glowing (which I think is your intent)
From the warm glow-
Of your love for me,
Of your eyes

Something like that.

"Brown eyes gaze into mine
As we smile at each other
Both knowing"

I agree that "at each other" is unnecessary, as you have mention no one but the two of you.

Hope that helped.

I thought this was interesting, but I can't say I really liked it. Firstly, it seemd a little... I dunno... too SIMPLE. Don't take me wrong, simple is not usually a bad thing, but for me at least, this seemed a little TOO simple... not sure why...
The one thing that bothered me the most was your rhythm... In your two longer stanzas, it seemed like you were trying to create a rhythm and it almost sounded like one but then you broke it at the end. I don't know if you meant to have ANY rhythm at all and it's fine with me if you didn't, but it sounded like an almost-rhythm and that bugged me.
The last thing I didn't like was your description of brown eyes. Normally, I like it when people go into detail like 'deep and luxurious', but somehow, it didn't seem to fit here... it just didn't seem...right. I suggest you say something like: 'With understanding, deep brown eyes'
Other than, that this was okay, I guess
Keep writing

I'm a very simple person so I like to keep my poems simple. I understand that it may be too simple for some people but that's just how I write. Details and complications are hard for me to write so you'll seldom find anything of mine that is more detailed than this. And another thing... I don't know a heck of a lot about poetry I just started writing it. I used to hate poetry then suddenly I just had all these verses pop in my head so I wrote them down. I'm quite enjoying it now even if it is crappy stuff. It makes sense to me, I just thought I'd be interesting to see what other people thought. Thanks for all your posts though, I just thought I'd clarify that.

It's fine being that simple. If you like that sorta style, that's great. Personally I think you don't need to do anything to this.

That was great. I liked the simpleness and shortness of it, and the descriptive words you used were good. I liked it a lot.

Yep, like Jack said. Everyone has their own styles. I don't think there's anything that can be done to it, really.

Simplicity is an art. Creating an image in the reader's head is the first step in poetry, and strangely enough simple images can convey so much more than long melodramatic contrasts.

yeah, I agree with what people said, especially with Snoink's appraisal. I'm not going to dissect the thing any further; it's pretty good, but people had good advice.

A very demure portrayal of adolescent navel-gazing. Self-referential language rarely works in poetry, unless you have some pretty strong images and ideas to back it up. Nevertheless, just because you used some coherent images in this poem, I liked it better than your others. However, lines such as:

My stomach tightens
With the excitement

and

My body sweats
From the warm glow
Of your love for me
Of your eyes

are terribly trite, meaningless descriptions of 'love'.

I thought this was great. As Snoik said, it is very simple and that simplicity worked well with this piece. It was precise and delivered the point right on target. Plus, it made me smile and that's hard to do. Nice job.