Pickle Pete. Improv Story.

Thankee Sai. More tomorrow. For now. I sleep. Oh, Foonkerpop updates tomorrow as well. Big day. Big day.

It was good, but you went from telling about the book, to the TV shows, and then back to the book. The description of the TV shows was too long, and it made you go off track from the story.
I like how he: 'fell off with a jerk' and then realised it was a picture that had made him start.

good job

I've read a lot of books where paragraphs go away from the story to tell more about the world and give background imformation thats both humerous and helpful to the understanding of the story as a whole.
I've actually seen it in many many stories.
Also, I think you are forgetting this is all improvisational and every day I'm adding more, quite randomly. I'm curious if your advice would be the same if I presented all I have so far as one big piece an call it one chapter.
P.S. Its Thanksgiving today and I had no time to write.

Tomorrow.

I dont feel its off topic. If you followed him nonstop it would be boreing. He took a bight then another then another... it would get like that.

This is really cool. Never read anything in a pickle's point of view. I like the first installment best. Not really sure why. I guess its what really motivated me to read through it, though I haven't finished reading everything, but I will. I, to need sleep. The discriptions are awesome!

Keep going....

you seem to haved stoped. If you do not continue I will eat you.

Sorry pal, I've made myself a bit of a target for hate here. So I will be ceasing writing on this site further. Check out Urbis.com to see the further adventures.